a mind is very private..

today was a flurry of events. ang hirap to keep up!!

mcdo na ko ng 7:30am today. nakita namin si anamae at hinatid namin sa bahay nila! 

we watched SHOCK VALUE in UP diliman nung 10am. ang ganda!! haha inggit ako sa katawan ni little tweety girl. haha crush ni abby!!

after the show, 12:30pm na! eh we have a dance class at 1pm sa school! so ayun tumakbo kami. we let the kids ride tammy (jussell's car) and some juniors and si maya sa isang cab. tapos ako, si jow at si abby, NAG-JEEP PAPUNTANG MC!! and sobrang wala sa aming marunong mag-jeep! so ayun nakakita kami ng sign na katipunan tapos pumasok kami sa jeep na yun. pagsakay pa, sabi ni abby, "manong, sa katipunan po" haha.. malamang diba nakalagay nga sa jeep yung sign eh!!

then i saw the girl beside me, nagbayad na sha. and jow, abby and i had a little conversation

pauline: oi, dapat siguro magbayad na tayo!

(labas kaming lahat ng coins)

jow: (whispers) six pesos yata eh

abby: (whispers) baka 8!

pauline: (whispers) omg magkano ba tlga? hindi ko alam kung magkano!

(at nagbubulungan kami dahil talagang hindi namin alam kung magkano!!!)

girl: miss, P7.50 po yung bayad.

kaming 3: thank you po!

girl: saang school kayo galing?

.........opsssssssss............. hahaha..

we made it to mc before 1pm! yehey! tapos ayun in the nick of time, yehey hindi kami late! our teacher's rizza ribo. magaling sha am sorreh hindi ko kinakaya!!!

ANG HIRAP PERO SOBRANG SARAP NG FEELING! warm up pa lang mukhang lumuhod na ang mga tala!! whoosh!!

ito pa eh.. we did Tango: Maureen today. ang saya ng tango! well, masaya kapag naggets!! pero ang hirap nga kasi mejo mabilis. tapos basta kami ng partner ko humaharurot!! kumakarir!! yes yes yes!! basta todo natutuwa kami dahil ang saya!!

ayun. tuwing mga 5-minute break, walang nagsasalita!! todo pagod kaming lahat. tapos nung pwede na kumain (hindi kami nakapaglunch agad dahil nga 1pm na kami dumating) todo parang ilang buwan hindi kumain ang aking mga anak. but it felt nice also.

gusto ko yung ganun. we asked for dance lessons, for voice lessons, at may teachers na kami ngayon! saturdays will be devoted to dance, tuesdays and thursdays for voice. para kaming nasa dream academy!! haha opssssss... seriously, natutuwa ako na ginagawa namin ito ngayon. we're investing on skills and enhancing our talents, para the next time na sasabak ulit kami sa isang musical, handa na, or may background na!

nasa mc lang kami ni jow until 6:30pm today. inaaraw-araw na eh! tapos sir antiquera left mc at 6:30pm also. my gosh hands down naman ako sa dedication nya sa work.. galing galing!!

i'm thankful for today. thanks, Lord! 

my muscles still hurt!! they hurt a lot!! as in, pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa! good luck na lang sa buhay kong ito..

last night i slept at 10pm (OO! WALANG GIMIK NG SABADO! LABAN KA?) then woke up at 9:30am... so that's 11 hours and 30 minutes.. and then, i slept again at 12:00pm and woke up at 3:30pm.. that's like 3 hours and a half.. which amounts to 15 hours. hmmmm.... ayan naman ang napagod eh..

so kung ang 15 hours na tulog ay pang-compensate sa 4 hours na dance workshop, ang ratio ng dance to sleep ay 1:3.75 (hours).

putang ina bangag gumamit pa ng math. eh ayoko nga ng math diba.

kinwento ko sa mga tao yung escapade namin ni jow at abby sa jeep. putang ina nakakahiya pala noh.. napaka-mangmang ng aming mga isipan.

ngayon nagpakabangag lang ako. as in, tulog, kain, watch ng FRIENDS, tapos phone with celine... mga ganung level.. napaka-steady!

pero masakit pa rin katawan ko. bukas, someone please massage my back!! i need!

i've been finding it hard to blog lately.. that has to suck, right?

i haven't been the best person lately. report card day last wednesday. my sister got my report card and pinangunahan ko na si mommy sofie.. after she asked how many years ung age gap namin ni ate, i was like "yes, dear mother.. she looks a lot younger" hehe.. clean living kasi kapatid ko..

rehearsals have been funny.. we had voice class last wednesday while all the report cards shizmoo was going on. it's funny that when i was in grade 4 i was an ALTO!! then in grade 6 i think i became a soprano 2... and now SOPRANO 1 na ang drama ko! abuh.. nagbabago pala yun hahaha!! opssssss.... bigla na lang pinapaabot yung dulo ng keyboard eh! sana lang.. libre mangarap!!

we did "seasons of love" at whoa putang ina!! binigay sakin ni jow yung may mataas na "love" dun sa line na "measure your life in love".. as in, sa tanang buhay ko na kinakanta yung "seasons of love", naka-mute ang boses ko pagdating sa linyang yun dahil alam kong hindi ko kaya... ayun, sinubukan ko for the 1st time at milagrong nagawa ko.. hahaha sana lang habang buhay na yun..

ilang linggo na kong walang labooms... MASAKIT!! putang ina ang sakit..

college day kahapon kaya walang pasok. nanood ako ng "friends" dahil complete ko na lahat ng seasons. kay saya ng buhay, marathon mode lang ako.. as in, woot woot total couch potato mode!!

life is incoherent. but im not drunk. 

i dunno i'm fuming mad right now

and i'm not quite satisfied with the way my life's going. and i feel so fat, i feel so mad, i feel ugly!

is this fucking pms?!

oh and may i just say, i got a fucking fucking fucking B in english in my report card and that made me cry like fuck. wala akong paki sa iba eh. pero B sa english?! excuse me, saan galing yun?!

i miss teacher chari... a lot!!

and i miss a lot of people

okay from mad i'm becoming senti now?

oh shit i don't remember having sex so i'm definitely not pregnant

but why am i fucking incoherent and just weird

now i'm mad again

and fuck that the world is soooooooo fucking unjust that i don't have anything else to say but fuck everyone who plays favorites dahil may nagsusuffer kaya sa mga ganun tapos putang ina nilang lahat okay?!

umaariba na naman si national artist. putang ina nya ah... feel ko lang, sana hindi naninira ng tao na nananahimik lang.. kaya lagi kang may nakakabangga eh... youre the one who always provokes tapos kunyari ikaw yung walang alam kapag mag-fire up na yung issue..

lately parang ang daming walang kwentang tao sa mundo

tapos we changed seats pa sa classroom nung thursday.. mukhang nasa gilid ako eh.. the fuck tabi ng window. it's mainit there.. (therefore it'd be soooooooo hot kapag trigo!) tapos hello tabi ng window and nako ewan ko i won't be surprised if in the middle of the physics long test i'd like light up a cigarette dahil yung buong ledge sa labas ay ashtray ko. at ewan ko na lang dahil 3d row yun at mukhang whoa good luck na lang sa sleeping habits ko. ang layo namin ni ange mamimiss ko sha... magsisigawan na lang kami.

ito siguro ang epekto kapag walang bisyo.

pero putang ina tlga. obviously i don't feel good.

now i want to cry! 

wala lang gising ako dahil nakatulog ako

ang tagal ko na walang update.

pero nakakatamad magupdate ngayon dahil anung oras na at gusto ko bumalik sa dreamland

incoherent na naman ako.. nakakatanga!

tapos kanina sa school feeling ko hb ako pero minsan naman hindi eh

im not lasing today, okay?

today.... for you, tomorrow for me!

because... you'll be my king and i'll be your castle..

kinikilig ako kay angel and collins.. nakaka-iyak sila kasi theyre so sweet to each other tapos you really see where the love comes from.. as in, nakikita mo yung love nila sees beyond the surface.. goes beyond the parameters of their gender.

mabuhay ang kabaklaan! 

i don't know if it's just me or the whole world's just getting very depressed and depressing.

today was an overload of sorts. we had a presentation in english, which is a thorn off my chest. we made a video on julius caesar (act1) and i wrote a song and they performed it. the concept was a bunch of tambays having a drinking session. may symbolism pala yung concept na yun! i couldn't have realized kung hindi sinabi ni mommy yun!

physics was well, physics. c.l was again a realization overload.

economics was plain crap. i mean, sir gave us another stiff neck attack because he situated himself at the back of the room for the nth time.. grarrrr... and yesterday we had a quiz and in the middle of the quiz he got bored and started making all these announcements which could obviously be postponed until we finished the quiz but fuck of fucks, he just blabbered.

math, is, well, love.. actually, math is the pugad of flirtation and being a haliparot. sir was like, "i'm called bong because my playmates couldn't pronounce my name.. i got bong from florantelebong. my real name's florante" and i was like, "sir, can i be your laura?" opsss..

filipino was an overload of presentations. we presented the songs that we translated from english to filipino. i cried when the 1st group did "i will be here"... ang ganda nung translation! it was the first time i cried in the past 3 months, i think.

jow wasn't around for club time. retreat nya eh..

i suddenly feel like a senti senior. i mean, the other day, during filipino class, i felt a lump in my throat when the class was in joketime mode and miss lacson said, "walang kapalit ang tawanan na ganito." and yesterday while we were praying, we had our own prayer in class as we still don't have a p.a (new bldg kasi) and i was struck with the thought that, a year from now, i will not be in that same place anymore, and there's no way for me to go back there in the iv-5 classroom, in my seat next to the windows with the csc babies in sight, hearing mommy sofie's voice telling us to pray, and telling us what we should be thankful for on the day that's about to come.

today, through sir jeff, i realized that the teachers are becoming mechanical lately.
 they work not anymore out of love for work, but out of duty. it's like, they only teach because they have to earn a living, and not because they want to help mold us students. i'm not a hypocrite. it happens to me too. but i do want to work out of love, and not out of duty. i hope the teachers have the same desire, and are working to make that happen. celine and i agreed that we miss quality time with mommy sofie. she said she's busy with the upcoming exams, and checking our outputs, and it's been taxing. sana the exams whizz by lang. para loads would be light and para we can spend quality time na...

yun ang fear ko. TIME. i'm scared of running out of time. i'm scared that i won't get to do the things that i am obliged to do in the right time. i'm afraid that i won't have enough time to say everything that i want to say. 

i know though, that i have to turn that fear upside down. i have to believe in "no day but today" and do everything i can, and just let things fall into place.

sir antiquera's so sweet. wala lang. he texted me and gave me affirmation and we shared woes and stuff. i like that. 

life's good.