a mind is very private..

kanina we went to the make your own havaianas thing... oh shit! there weren't many people naman, but it took us more than an hour to get that done all because of the many color combinations we had to decide on.. i got a philippine flag pin thing on mine!! yipeeeeee!! haha.. naubusan na kasi nung "limited edition" na pin.. lech.. but it was nice.. it was fun! haha.. ateneans yung mga nag-aassemble nung slippers.. wow sobrang muscle work!! and they were super fun!!

then we went to glorietta.. but the way there was fuck.. my sister got apprehended by the mmda for being in the yellow lane daw.. eh she was just supposed to make a right then she realized na hindi pa pala dapat so she was about to stay na on the inner lanes but the fucked up asshole mmda person stopped her..

we were already nagwawala inside the car.. of course at first we were apologetic and we said nga that we weren't that familiar with the place so they could just give us directions and we could fuck off.. but no! it was fucking merienda time for those fucking assholes so they insisted on a 500-peso fine and a seminar shit for my sister in their whatever.. and so we were galit na and cursing them in english but of course we figured they wouldn't understand us naman no matter how much we curse.. fucking uneducated assholes..

well well well, i know they won't understand this anyway so what the heck.. and if they do understand my rants, it won't matter.. sanay naman sila na ginaganyan eh..

what's worse, they were harrassing us na! lalo na my sister!! they were like speaking in english as if making fun of how we spoke.. and when my sister was crying (our of frustration dahil thank you very much, ginatungan pa kme ng nanay namin), the guy was like, "oh why you crying? ang ganda ganda mo pa naman" so i was like, "just fucking let her go" and when we bribed already, i was closing the window then i shouted "asshole!" then did the middle finger sign thing.. i dunno if he understood it.. maybe he thinks that raising the middle finger is a good thing, cuz people do it to the likes of him almost every minute..

fuck.. the philippines won't progress, i swear.. and it's all their fault.. psh assholes.. yeah, mmda people will die early.. 

because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true!

i just feel so.... pink and green today!! haha!!

i'm happy there'd be no one doing Wicked this summer.. well, none that i know of... so happy pa rin ako.. sayang that summer stock in playshop got dissolved.. pero okay lang.. playshop is waiting for my comeback.. may hiatus ako this year eh.. 

started the day rather wrong, as i awoke and there was NO CAR, and NO ONE home.. so i had to make pasundo and all... my sister and my mom and tito forgot to wake me up!! ayan naman.. tatlong tao na sila ah!! wala eh... no one woke me up!!

i got to school and saw anna and issa.. mukhang, 1pm na when maya came.. tapos si abby.. when abby came, we decided to call sir f for the meeting.. pagdating namin sa office nya, jow was there!! na-stuck sha sa office ni sir!! buti na lang we came to the rescue.. nag-meeting na pala silang dalawa dun!! i didn't know!! cuz i thought sa tanghalang sinag yung meeting! ayun... i missed them...

chic's back from her europe trip!! happiness!! then we scheduled an UBE.. i thought we're just gonna UBE around katipunan or something.. but NO!! we went with ia and dartz to UP.. yes, UP!! grabe, we rode a jeep going there.. like when chic told me we're going there and we're riding a jeep, sobrang na-shock ako and natakot!!

ia enrolled for a spanish class so we went sa cal.. naglakad kme from where the jeep stopped.. ayun.. dartz and ia walked soooo fast!! chic and i were like 50 meters away from them na!! then we finally reached the place.. saya!!

then we had to go to the cash office to pay for ia's class... so... JEEP TRIP AGAIN!! grabe the line pala there.. akala ko dati, exaggerated lang yung kwentos ng people.. but NO! so we left ia and we bought ourselves c2's.. hirap pa humanap nung green tea for me and dartz!!

after the cash office we had to go back sa cal... so adventure na naman! we took a UP ikot jeep (1st time ko sumakay sa ganun).. heehee.. mukhang na-lost pa kme eh!! ayan naman.. so tinuruan kme nung mga ibang nakasakay sa jeep.. funneh!! lost na lost!!

after that whole shizmoo, we went to mcdo katipunan.. and we rode a jeep also going there!! grabe, i felt super safe upon reaching mcdo.. cuz i knew na where i was!! then we chatted.. and then i left na..

pagdating ko sa car, whoa, mia and joy and pauie were there! we went na to our house.. grabe pagod to walk under the sun sa UP ah..

i slept around 8 and woke up at 1030pm.. naka-ym ko si chic.. this is what she said..

i had the most wonderful day and its not just because i had (censored!) but mostly i missed you and i got what i wanted... to make you experience real life... i knew na we were going sa UP and i really wanted you to come kasi i wanted you to be independent and strong kasi i didnt want to leave you na hindi ka pa marunong sa buhay pero halata namang i still cant let go (when i worry too much sa bawat pagtawid).. hehe. i hope you got what i wanted to tell you.

i cried like fuck!! i'm so thankful i experienced everything today.. ganon pala yun.. sobrang daming jeep sa UP.. if you ride the wrong one, you might end up in the wrong destination.. such is life.. one wrong move, masisira lahat.. tapos nung nawala pa kme, sobrang we were nervous, but getting to our destination made us feel safe again.. such is life.. there'd come a time that you'd get lost, but there will always be people to bring you back to the right road, and eventually lead you to where you want to go..

i'm leaving for Canada this saturday.. flight's at 12 noon, so i'll leave the house at 8am.. might be back by may 1 or may 6.. not sure pa.. we're going on vacation kasi, thus my trumpets playshop hiatus..

i'll miss you, everyone!! 

Lord, i enjoyed the day so much.. thank you for giving me the greatest going away presents! thank you for letting me experience a simulation of "real life" thanks to chic and ia and dartz..

i couldn't be happier.. 

queen pauline is on blog leave. she is not in the philippines. she will be back either on may 1 or may 6.. she wishes everyone happy, elaborate lives.. heeheehee..

she loves you all!!

grarrrrrrrrr...

they're all in jasper park and i'm stuck here in jackson heights cuz i'm effing sick.. i turned in early last night after galaxyland cuz my eyes were kinda red and my throat hurt and my head hurt and my nose was clogged.. they gave me medicine and i fell asleep agad..

i woke up when everyone was awake already.. i was worse when i awoke so i decided not to join everyone for the jasper park trip cuz i might need a hospital come the afternoon haha!! so i slept some more.. then i woke up at 12noon and had lunch.. only tita annie and ate michelle are here cuz everyone's at jasper park and we're here lang in the house.. 

past few days were fun! saturday we left manila and arrived at vancouver on saturday of their time.. then went to vancouver island for butchart gardens.. fun ng ferry ride!! was my first time to ride a ferry.. ops!! then we went to the capilano suspension bridge, stanley park, and granville..

went to metrotown on our last day to just look around.. cool ng everything for a dollar store! hahaha!! masaya!!

now we're in edmonton, in tito greg's house.. we went to west ed.. heehee.. que nice.. i haven't been to the whole mall yet (hello, it's the biggest in the world).. but i saw nice shops.. ate michelle treated us to bubble tea and disney plush toys from the disney store..

south common was great too!! went to ikea.. and i got nice stuff.. then the rest of south common was nice.. they got pretty stuff!! we had dinner at olive garden, and we probably ate just half of what we ordered... cuz it was suuuuuper dami!!

so yesterday we spent the day at galaxyland.. sayang i didn't get to ride the mindbender.. my height was okay for it naman eh! (which means.... HI ATE PHOEBE!! I'M TALLER THAN YOU!) pero i'm still too small for the solar flare.. oh well..

today... hay... no comment.. nakakabanas hindi ako nakaalis.. but it's okay.. at least i get my much-needed rest!!

some canada pics are already in my multiply..

we've been here for like, more than a week now, and i still haven't shopped much!! darn!! my money's like all US$ and my mom's been telling me that i'll have them exchanged soon, but i haven't exchanged them yet!! grarrr... tumaas na ang canadian dollars tuloy..

anyway, we're having easter dinner here.. some relatives of people are here.. and like, it's my 1st time to meet all of them!! so whoa.. haha

i miss the philippines already.. i like to go to UP! haha.. chic still has a lot to teach me!! i want to cross the street and have one foot buried in the ground... haha, i miss the dangers of crossing the street.. and street food! haha!! ate phoebe let me taste the carioca thing.. it's good! hahaha!!

oh! hahaha!! before boarding the plane to edmonton, poj asked me if they have isaw here in canada! hehehe.. wala lang.. mukhang, namiss nya rin ang street food ng pilipinas.. like all they sell on the streets here are hotdogs! haha!!

after the mass kanina, i was snowing so hard!! it was 2 degrees outside and it was snowing sooo hard and when the old woman beside us saw all the snow, she went like, "oh my gosh, merry christmas!" heehee..

i like the people here.. they're all friendly and they like talk to you and stuff.. like this girl in the mall, she approached me and went "so do you have kids at home?" and of course i said no! haha!! wtf is with me having kids? i'm like 17! haha.. then she was all, "okay, keep it that way for now!" haha.. ang labo..

oh!! and yesterday we were in galaxyland and we played laser tag (i remember dati meron ganun sa megamall eh.. yung laser quest.. but it closed down already).. then there's this kid who's part of the red team who was so kulit!! he's only six years old and he was soooo funny! he was so into the game and like telling people where to go and stuff.. heehee.. funny kid..

anyway, i haven't found anyone hot here, so like, to those who told me to bring home some hot canadians, i'm like soooooo sorry i have nothing to bring home!! hahaha!

hay i'm like, sleepy already and its only 8pm here and the sun's still up and stuff.. so... there. heehee..

i can't wait to get back home!! 

still in canada... 

the weeks go by and things get harder. totoo pala na the show "big brother" is a reflection of real life.. we're like 12 people living here in one house for 3 weeks, and of course we're all different so i guess that makes it a lot more complicated..

it's hard that we have to always compromise and always adjust to the wants and needs of one another.. here i learned that being vocal is really very important..

during the start things were still flowing quite smoothly.. ngayon, we're all messed up! it's like everything's now in great shape because even in the basic unit of society, which is the family, there would still be injustice.. mababaw as it may seem, minsan too much na..

it's also hard having someone there to watch you all the time.. nakakainis na i want to be alone, pero yung time alone ko na lang yata, is when i'm in the bathroom! nakakabanas na gusto kong tumakas and do things at my own pace, but just when i feel the liberty in being alone, poof, may makikita akong aninong sumusunod sakin.. i'm trying my best to ignore that, pero ang hirap.. ang sarap sabihing "putang ina you're pestering me too much, it's like your face is stuck to my butt already!"

nakakainis pa yung tipong i'm dropping hints na, walang reaction eh.. as if everything's going just fine..

and in banff, i ended up sleeping on the couch, and my mom slept on the FLOOR!! sa floor na nga sha natulog, inagawan pa sha ng unan.. putang ina talaga eh.. and the bed's supposed to be for 3 people, but then again talagang yung space mukhang kalat-kalat yung iniwan ng iba jan, kaya ayun, sa couch ako natulog... ng NAKAUPO.. 

talagang sobra sobra sobrang insensitive.. hindi ko alam kung insensitive or ginagawa on purpose, but it's nakaka-fuck up all the same.

it's not that i'm not having a good time here. in fact, i'm thankful that we're being taken to places and stuff.. it's not that i'm not having a good time, i'm just not having the best time.

hindi ko alam if it's just because of AGE.. you know, sometime during childhood people get makulet... then when they're old, the same thing happens.. may in-between period na supposedly sane tayong lahat.. pero siguro sa amin, konti lang yung nandun sa period na yun..

siguro okay na to spend like a day together.. or 3 days together.. but weeks? i don't  think it will happen again..

lalo na when we consider the fact that most of us have strong personalities.. i admit i'm one of those people na okay naman but then if i get pissed, i do become very bitchy.. in fact, i'm bitching around already dahil sa sobrang inis with some people who just aren't jiving with the way i think and feel..

kaya for now, bitch mode muna.. 

putang ina uwing-uwi na ko!!

shempre pinapagalitan pa ko for always being on the computer while i'm here.. eh tangina malay ba nila kung anung importance ng 80% ng ginagawa ko? oo i'm not "bonding enough".. pero was i really really up for it? sabi ko okay sakin next year eh.. not before my senior year as i have bazillions of preparations to do. those preparations aren't even 10% for myself, thanks so much..

nakakapika na tlga, i swear.. 

i don't want to feel this way, pero ang weird.. disturbed ako.. parang, i'm very much caught up with my emotions na marami akong nakakalimutang sabihin or gawin..

sa start ng canada trip pa ko nag-welcome ng visitor, pero parang ngayon lang ako inaatake ng pms..

as in, minsan lang ako mamansin ng tao, eklabooms.. tapos pag ginigising ako sa umaga, even if i slept at one, i'd still refuse to wake up at 11.. dadaan pa sa riot (aka sigawan debate) before i finally get up and do my morning ritual..

nalalabuan ako sa sarili ko.. ewan ko kung it's just the feeling of being homesick..

kaya pala may retreat ang banaag at the end of the workshops.. useful siguro yun for self-actualization na rin.. lalo na sa mga tulad ko na nababagabag sa buhay ngayon..

pero hindi pa rin ako over dun sa issue na kapag gusto kong mag-isa, parang may anino forever na kulang na gusto kong murahin para umalis na.. nakakabanas sobra..

it's not just me..

shit i want to go home and go back to reality.. pero nakakadisturb na theyre talking about migrating here. and aayusin na daw ung papers once we get to manila.. ano yun? i won't get to finish senior year? no way!

tim horton's near this village is hiring.. $10/hour for the day shift and $12/hour for the night shift.. they told me to stay here for three more weeks haha.. kasi with 8 hours for every shift, $96 a day.. times one week.. you do the math..  tangina hindi talaga noh.. kahit pera yun.. hehehe. my mom was like, "eh maiiwan nya ba ang banaag?".... YOU WISH!!

hayyy... i want to go home na... and get back to work! 

paki-Fed Ex na ko pauwi!! PLEASE!!!

mooched from my sister 

40+ means i'm spoiled.
Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
(2) a television in your bedroom
(3) an iPod/MP3 player
(4) a photo printer
( ) your own phone line
(5) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(6) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
(7) DVD player in bedroom
(8) at least a hundred DVDs
( ) a childfree bathroom
( ) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
( ) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
( ) a working dishwasher
( ) an icemaker
(9) a working washer and dryer
(10) more than 20 pairs of shoes
(11) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
(12) framed original art (not lithographs or prints).. ate, what do you call the stuff at the living room?
( ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
( ) a multi-speed bike
( ) a gym membership
(14) large exercise equipment at home (treadmill that no one uses)
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
( ) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
( ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(15) wealthy family members
(16) two or more family cars
( ) a walk-in closet or pantry
( ) a yard
( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
( ) good credit
( ) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
(17) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
( ) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
( ) a stock portfolio
(18) passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
( ) private medical insurance
( ) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
(19) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
( ) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
(20) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
( ) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
( ) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
( ) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don't need the money OR
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
(21) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
(22) regularly pay someone else to drive you (saturdays when i go to school)
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
(23) baffled/surprised when you don't get your way
(24) been on a cruise
(25) traveled out of the country
(26) met a celebrity
( ) been to the Caribbean
( ) been to Europe
( ) been to Hawaii
( ) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
(27) dined with local political figures
(28) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
(29) take riding or swimming lessons as a child
(30) attend private school
( ) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

shit, i'm more spoiled than ate phoebe.. we don't look it though.. heehee.. and i'm more spoiled just by 2 points i think.. yipeeeee!! but, we're not on 40+ so that doesn't make us spoiled!!

anyway, i really can't wait to get home.. it sucks that we have to wait in vancouver for like, 8 hours daw before we could get to hong kong, then wait there before we get to manila.. so it means i still have to save because we have to go to airports pa.. hay.. life's so complicated.. so does it mean i'll go to galaxyland tomorrow? well yeah maybe.. after all, shopping could still be continued in manila.. but galaxyland is galaxyland..

friday's our last full day in here.. we're like, going to have turkey again (yipee i love tito greg's turkey).. then talk and stuff.. and play ps2 maybe.. oooh i love the eyetoy games..

we watched Napoleon Dynamite on dvd tonight.. the adults were near the area so we could hardly hear the tv.. hay...

i'm happy with all the stuff i bought.. especially the ty beanies.. life's unfair at times, great at times..

i still can't wait to get back home.. 

today's like, in manila time, the day of the crash course that banaag's teaching at LnK.. and after that they'll have a meeting to make things final and set all the stuff straight.. and i'm here.. in canada, doing nothing..

life's so unfair!! 

we're leaving canada in a couple of hours.. last night was so bad, ate michelle went to the basement crying.. so i just didn't go upstairs cuz i figured everyone would be crying too..

we're leaving for the airport at 4am.. i'm expecting heavy floods around edmonton.. heeheehee..

manila. here i come!