i found an interesting post last night. yes, i only saw it last night since i'm not really a fan of paying attention to specks of dust..
bato bato sa langit, kung tamaan ka, problema mo na yun.. psh. i thought of giving it second chances before, until i noticed, ilang "second chance" na ba binigay naming lahat? hmmmm..
"I guess I’m the exact opposite of what your first impression of me is... or then again, maybe not.
Let’s start by saying I’m capable of being unpredictable. That’s something I’ve observed about myself recently, this certain air of potential around me... that I am nothing BUT potential. Nothing made concrete until it is actualized. Nothing felt until it is done. Now about those repulsive rumors... I guess my answer to them should be something that only a certain few know. *wenk*
The plan was actually to quit after the second production of this school year. Everyone knew it was hell there and no one can ever change that UNLESS someone had the guts enough to tell them (all of them) that what they’re doing is wrong (i.e. rehearsals every friggin’ day of your friggin’ life from dismissal time to 6PM, and that includes your whole Saturdays, whether you’re actually needed there or not, and when you actually have the initiative to attend and make use of your time there wisely, they make you feel like SHIT with reasons such as “social hierarchy, my dear”, “you have an attitude problem!” and/or “YOU reach out to us. After all, we do outnumber you”.) From a human being’s point of view, I guess you can say that I actually made the right decision of leaving them before it got too much. I’ve been there for a friggin’ long time and I should know that their system is biased, immature and unprofessional, imagine, they even have deliberations wherein they can upgrade or downgrade a member judging by their own personal reasons (i.e. “you have a blank expression”, “you should smile more” or “you’re such a brat&rdquo
. Note: these reasons are 100% factual, and if you were to find out to whom these applied, you’d be horribly surprised. It’s as if the bulk of work is never worth it in the end because their basis of judgment is far too personal.
They taught me first and foremost that my dream is as fucked up as shit as me. In the span of my two-year torture, they were able to scrap off my pride (and turned it into an ego), my former nerd persona and a whole lot of other stuff that don’t seem to matter to them such as health, friends, family and happiness. They made me feel lower than shit, that I was good-for-nothing, that I was a frustrated, little girl masquerading as a stage actress. I believed that I had no talent whatsoever, but wait, what actually provoked them to cause such damage? Well, my attendance wasn’t as very impressive. Everybody has his/her needs, now of course I had mine, and I needed to go home from rehearsals (or should I say bull-sessions?) an hour later than usual and I couldn’t attend everyday. As I said, I WAS the perfect student before high school. The ultimate nerd. The teachers’ favorite face. I had no intention of losing that. They convinced me to do otherwise however, by promising me the spotlight. I was to be the most famous stage actress in this high school club (ahem, cult!), I only had to give up my academic life. Well, that, along with a few other things...
Can you believe I was almost brainwashed by them? Everybody there was sick in body, mind, grades and LIFE. Bandwagon advertising? I think not. I guess by accepting the role of assistant director in their major production I also accepted their promise of actually helping me cope with my overflowing problems. I became anorexic. I had insomnia. I had a family problem. I got that dreaded B- on my card. I suffered from asthma. I was losing my friends. I became average in the eyes of my teachers. They didn’t give a damn. They never fucking cared after all anyway.
By finally quitting, I knew what their reaction would be: World War III, anyone? I know they would hate me for leaving so suddenly, but at the same time, I bet they would’ve expected that all along. They knew, after all, that I was “unreliable” when given “big” responsibilities. Now that contrasts my nerd personality don’t you think? I guess I could tell you that I was “provoked” to leave them. Their promise was faltering... so, should I keep mine?
Now, I bet you’re first impression of me is that I’m a totally evil person, void of any sugar and affection. The truth is, I’m a little of both, a little of everything. My personality is, as I said before, unpredictable. You could say that I quit because of that overwhelming stack of problems, that I was actually hurt by them in the process and had no other choice than to leave them than practically kill myself. Or you could say that I quit because I was already numb to them as they were to me; that that feeling of unconcern was so fucking mutual that I left them to panic. Let’s face it, I seem to refuse any kind of stereotyping unconsciously, for I feel free to express the dual nature of man (or is this even human nature?). I potentially don’t care whatever it is that happens to whoever, but once such things about me are revealed and understood, things would start to change. Whimsical as I am though, I wouldn’t leave any potential friend."
PSH!
