a mind is very private..

what, and you expect me to fucking follow your every will?

i dunno ah. pero lately sobrang punung puno na ko with school. actually, with everything happening around me..

ayoko lang talaga yung treatment ng mundo sakin ngayon..

fuck, man... fuck yung health.. tsss... old single women talaga.. like, please lang noh! please!! malabo talaga eh.. grarrr... saan naman ako lulugar ngayon? eh hindi naman ako matandang single... so hindi ko alam ang mga views mo on life.. therefore, manigas ka... tandaan mo yan ah!

bitch!

banaag's having some issues.. hindi ako natutuwa..

muntik pa kme mabangga kanina on the way home kasi si ate hinahanap yung phone nya sa bag while driving... hija, sa daan tumitingin pag nagmamaneho.. para namang guguho ang mundo kung ndi mo agad mabasa yung text message eh..

wala lang. naiinis lang tlga ko... then there's english class... shit man shit. why complain of having to go home at 6pm when there are students (na hindi lang isang subject ang iniintindi gabi-gabi fyi!) who get home at 8pm at the earliest, sometimes even 10pm or 1am?!?! shusme!!

sige nga! magreklamo ka!! asses are made to bear and so are you!!

not that i'm starting a fight.. nakakainis lang that there are some people who can't help but be inconsiderate.. akala mo naman sila lang yung tao sa mundo...

be a star!! be a johnsons kid!

banaag's version of "taming of the shrew" ended its set of successful runs at 6:40pm today.

i think that all the long hours we spent in school paid off. after all, what's the use of more than 2 months of rehearsals if i didn't learn anything, and if i wasn't fulfilled with what i did?

just tonight, after the show, i saw tears in everyone's eyes. with that i realized that even if rehearsals were very stressful, our schedule of shows got all mixed up and grarr, and we had national artists around, we'd have to admit that "taming of the shrew" is indeed something worth remembering. akala namin sobrang nakakasuka na gawin yung play... well, fine, pucha nakakatamad na yung play, but even if we don't admit it, i know that the play touched our lives more than it touched the audience. after all, we went into great heights for the sake of understanding the play, and it was painstakingly stressful for us to build character.. point is, we will miss doing the show.... ayaw man namin aminin..

it was chic's last time to perform on stage in a banaag play this afternoon. i didn't expect her to cry agad, and when i saw her in tears, i couldn't help but cry with her. i realized that there's very little time left before the pink batch 2006 leaves us. our season ender would only be rehearsed for 18 days, then we'll have one final show. after that, banaag pink will handle the election of new banaag officers, banaag green will facilitate all the activities (march auditions, summer workshops, next year's plans, etc).... give it a few days and we'll be sending off the pink batch..

it all seems so fast!

over time i came to know that banaag is a very very very big part of who i am.. i'm not anymore that stripteaser-during-auditions who's a lame ass lights person for serapio.. instead, i've been nurtured by banaag, and i do feel the inner growth that's changed me a lot.

i guess i have been tamed after all.

i'm jealous of the academics right now.. homework, projects, whatever.. i'm not liking them..

due to them, some banaagers have been unable to attend our workshops! wala lang... i'm just ranting.. and yeah, i still have the english paper to work on so i'm not exempted from the school stress.. kaso no choice ako, i'm one of the two people conducting the workshops so i have to be there, and do school work too!

kaya nga wala akong boys eh.. hindi nakakapuntang soiree, hindi nakakalabas with classmates.. i have no social life! WALA! so sa lahat ng nag-aakalang may prom date na ko, WALA PA! and i have to have one because my mom wants me to have one.. i mean, it's fine with me, pero wala pa nga akong nahahanap eh! kasi talagang hindi ko pinapansin yung social life ko.. parang, kung wala, eh di wala! i don't have to follow everyone naman eh.

i actually find it funny sometimes, but irritating most of the time, when my peers give me this surprised look upon telling them that i don't have a prom date yet.. they'd be like, "HINDI NGA!? IKAW? WALANG PROM DATE? PANU MANGYAYARI YUN!?" with a matching surprised look.. minsan okay lang sakin, madalas hindi..

anu naman ang magagawa ko kung hindi ako flirt, o hindi ako nakakapuntang soiree (dahil wala akong oras)? what can i do if prom dates aren't part of my priorities?

ang iniintindi ko ngayon, english research paper, long test sa social, results ng geom long test, pumasa sa school, sked ng banaag, workshops, rehearsals, the upcoming show, the march auditions, deliberations ng june apprentices, retreat...

nasaan ang prom sa mga iniintindi ko? wala..

whatever's going to happen sa prom, bahala na silang lahat..

sa mga naghahanap ng prom date para sakin, maraming salamat.. take a number at the door, i'll be with you shortly..

pero seryoso, salamat sa efforts ninyo.. and yeah, i'll be with you shortly.. say, a week before prom? 

because of teacher rony's dear blog, i got introduced to a couple of songs.. the one i got from him is "the girl from 14g" by kristin chenoweth..

oh ass i just had to listen to it! grabe ang galing!! i swear if i can do that song without any flaws, that's the only time i'll believe that kristin chenoweth is human!! grabe yung shifts nya ng opera to jazz and back!! hindi talaga makatao..

then i learned a few more songs of kristin chenoweth.. am loving "taylor the latte boy" and "my funny valentine" the most.. oh! and she also sang "till there was you" (which was made jologs when it became the title of a pinoy movie and the song was played over and over and over for such a long time)... PUCHA!! ANG GALING! lalo na yung towards the end nung till there was you.. grabe! i envy!!

so puro "ang galing! shit!" at "grabe yung boses nya!" na lang ang nanggaling sa munti kong utak..

in the banaag meeting today, we made some of the props for our new project.. it was fun sticking newspaper together while listening to songs from avenue q.. tal and i were singing to the songs, while some of them were weirded out by the lyrics.. shempre.. who wouldn't feel all fucked with those songs?! hahaha..

we finished early and went to katipunan na agad for lunch.. then our car arrived after i ate. cool naman ang timing.. tapos yun.. stuff..

we waited for ate phoebe to be done with her test in school, then we went to sbc and i had my usual iced latte.. ate and i went to national to look for the zsa zsa zaturnnah book cuz i wanted to buy.. i dreamt about it kasi the other night.. we didn't find it there!! grarrr...

then we went to eastwood.. i tried looking for it there also. ngunit wala pa rin c zsa zsa zaturnnah.. nasaan ka ba? wag ka magpaubos.. hintayin mo ako!

my gosh may classes pala spcp today.. aww wawa naman.. well at least matagal silang walang pasok during the past week.. inggit ako!!! shitty!! so kanina sa eastwood grabe nagkalat ang mga naka-uniform!! hala lagot.. may nanghuhuli pa rin ba ng mga naka-uniform even? bwahaha..

i saw an audio cd of "the best of b'way" in eastwood.. i tried to look for the dvd of it, pero mukhang wala.. i asked kuya macky where he got his copy, turns out it's from the states! mehn ang lapit! so out of frustration, bumili ako ng audio cd.... ng BARNEY!

inatake na naman ng pagka-special!! i think it's my de-stressor.. so malabo..

ass i didn't get to watch prism.. nakakainis kasi required sila manood ng taming tapos nandun sila tapos ako wala nung prism.. leche.. unfair!

tapos inaantok pa ko.

kaya....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 

i'm in the computer room in school and we're supposed to work on the research paper.. 3/4 of me wants to do it at home...

cuz my mind's filled with fucking nothing!!

i wish i could do nothing and get filthy rich instead of work in school and work in the real world and get paid real low..

*but at the end of the day there's nowhere to go, but home to avenue q!*

bangag..

omg. of all the times i've been online, after sooooo long, this is the only day i could have time to write a blog entry!!

past few weeks were hell weeks as we were in the process of writing the lit crit paper.. shit nakakatamad to fill 10 pages with crap. i know madaldal akong tao, pero it's just different when i try to be all formal and shit.

that peer editing thing's plain crap. yun na nga lang pag-asa kong makakuha ng decent grade eh!! but then again, the world's going to hell? pssssssssh.. i want to roar!!

this week's been VERY tiring but kind of fulfilling. sunday i didn't sleep cuz i worked on the english paper.. shit man i came to school more bangag than ever.. ayoko na ng english.. i mean, the teacher's hella good, but what we're doing right now is just plain crappy!!

yesterday mukhang na-excite si chic sa passing of the torch ceremonies nya!! omg!! biglang nag-elections ng banaag officers eh!! akala ko sa march 4 pa.. well well well.. ang bilis ng pangyayari..

eh nag-election na so it's a sign na whoosh farewell season na.. yung ibang club nga nag-farewell party na eh.. shit it's all happening so fast! nakakasenti!!

today we had rehearsals for LAST FULL SHOW. it's going well naman.. nakakainis pa i had to fill in for navs tapos si dartz pinapaiyak ako!! tapos it was my first time to watch them and be in the scenes with them. shit man!! shit naiyak na lang ako nung napansin ko yung symbolisms dun sa lines nila... OMG!! nakakahiya i just cried while rehearsing.
tapos iyak ng sandali sa "confession room" hehe.. grabe ilang tao na kaya nahila at iniyakan ko dun?

tomorrow i'll go to church to interview a priest for our cl report.. then i'll go to celine's place to do the filipino storybook. masaya kami eh..

monday, i shall KILL!! haha kidding..banaag auditions na!! and i'm not done planning everything yet! to the applicants, make sure you'll satisfy us.. at dapat yung number of application forms should correspond sa number of people na pupunta!! kanina i counted na 82 app forms for actors and 38 app forms for band members yung kinuha.. ilan pa kaya? hmmmm....

wala lang.. yun lang.. yun na ang buhay ko sa ngayon.. labo 

MY LIFE IS RUINED!!!

ngayon na nga lang akong ginanahan pumasok, wala pang pasok.

all i wanted to happen was to pass the english paper, get the banaag auditions going, have the props, tickets, etc. of LAST FULL SHOW all set... well, ayokong mag-chem and geom lt... gusto ko mag-orals - oral defense haha naughty!

now banaag's having major sked changes.. i guess the same goes for the oral defense and all those crap..

kung kelan pumapasok na ang mga hell week, ngayon pa nagkagulo...

eh kung tigilin ng government lahat ng kaartehan, sana things would still go as planned!

gusto ko lang pumasok sa school today!! bakit kailangan pang ngayon masuspend, given all the school days sa buong taon? maiintindihan ko pa kung dahil sa kalamidad mawawalan ng pasok eh.. but no! it just had to be because of the government! then they suspended na even before things got really messy.. then now things are okay na tapos wala na.. they can't take back what they said na.. so walang pasok today..

leche!!

in other news,

since classes got suspended today, the auditions
for the BANAAG club will be moved to tomorrow, feb
28, dismissal time until 6pm. the venue will still
be at room I-1.

to the 1st year and 2d year students who are
interested to audition, application forms will
still be available tomorrow at the banaag bulletin
board. don't forget to bring an accomplished
application form with a 1x1 pic. to those who are
auditioning for the banaag band, don't forget to
bring your own instruments!

please spread the word!! thanks!!

-the banaag club

sabi ni danica, presidents should be like rubber bands.. they should be flexible.. eh mukhang no choice na eh! ho well.. sa gobyerno ng pilipinas, salamat ulit, ha! THANKS A LOT!

there is a reason for everything, diba?

maybe God wanted me to make things clearer. maybe God wanted us students to take a break.

today, He tested my flexibility. yes, i feel Him preparing me for what i'm going to do for the coming academic year. ngayon pa lang, binigyan nya na ko ng challenge.. training? siguro.

at first the thought of having no school today shattered me. i guess i just can't take it when everything's all set then poof! i have to plan everything over and have events rescheduled.

but den was there to help out and make me calm.. yun ang mali sa akin eh. i don't know how to be calm! she proposed a sked which everyone would easily adjust to.. all i had to do was have chic approve everything. and chic approved everything, so now things will run smoothly again!

then there were my classmates, who helped me out with the finishing touches of my english paper..

in the evening i was instantly provided a prom dress, a bag and shoes! less than an hour pa yun! now all i lack is a prom date. nice.

Lord, thank you! thank you that school got cancelled. it was a much-needed rest after all.

the banaag auditions started today...

what can i say? hmmmm... a lot.. i guess..

it was just, stressful... it IS hard to be given the responsibility to choose people carefully.. it's hard to predict if the applicant's the type of person who'd really climb her way up, or if she'd just quit when things go berserk. i'm happy though that there are some who really exhibited dedication and excellence.. *cue applause*

sana lang, may divine intervention sa pag-choose ng banaag ng deserving applicants.

oh stress!! last full show na nga pala sa march 4... which means delibs will be moved.. and whoosh! stress levels go higher and things are more complicated.. i'm anxious sa last full show.. dahil ANG DAMING SURPRISES ng pink batch for us.. please chic, dartz, wag magpaiyak!! pag ako maubusan ng luha, your fault!!

i'm really bothered that it's already our turn to handle the responsibilities. i mean, nung freshman ako anung tawag sakin!? some apathetic bitch.. ngayon, some bitch na lang.. bwehehehehe...

ooh shit it's 12!!

aika!! happy third! love you! now, BOW TO ME... kidding! haha!

world, i'm lost..