a mind is very private..

SHIZNESS!! with "ligaw" coming up in less than two weeks, i'm filled with all the mushiness i could absorb as of now..

rehearsals have been quite fun.. i LOOOOVE my character, as well as my partner's character.. it's nice that i'm comfortable with her in spite of the conditions we're given.. bwahaha.. hi abby! imagine my spirit in yours during rehearsals so you won't get ilang..

and shizness, the whole cast has improved so much.. as well as the crew.. yesterday i was so absorbed in the scene of chic and mica that i almost cried! bwahaha.. i just realized, i haven't been into the concept of romantic love for such a long time. i've been disgusted with all the mushy songs and lines for so long that all the things i've been exposed to for the past days are quite missable and missed.

wala lang.. naaliw lang ako..

i'm nervous sa critic show though.. wala lang.. oh no oh no my costume might be disapproved of by the critics!! sana nde.

whoosh!! critic show na tomorrow!! so i'm blogging as the hot oil thing on my hair rots itself.. bwahaha.. yey.

yipeeeees!! i'm so nervous na!! buti na lang i'm not going to sing much.. sana lang.. sana lang nothing goes wrong..

stressful lahat ng gagawin ko in the weeks to come!! but i'll still make time to watch footloose!! kailangan lang tlga!!

my gosh, this weekend's been everything but stress-free.. friday we did the filipino video thing so we went to debbi's house.. then georgia's house, then mcdo.. in the afternoon we had to arrange the chosen piece for the songfest at danica's house but she got home late. so before going to her house, we went to limmie's house first, then we went na to danica's, in an ATTEMPT to arrange the music.. which didn't happen.. all these happened between 8am and 8pm! long day?!

yesterday we had the TDR of "Ligaw" from 8am-4pm.. after that, i went to my sister at the ateneo.. then we ate at chocolate kiss for dinner.. we were about to leave na but then again the pianist guy played songs from mamma mia.. so nagstay pa kme kse all my summer memories flooded back! i miss MTF!! then ayun.. we got home at 8pm.. mga ganun.. so sobrang pagod na naman ako!!

and now i have to do pa the english journal thing which isn't actually a journal entry.. we're doing a topical/historical approach on whatever literary piece we want from the list sir gave us..

walang kainan na naman bukas!! we have to prepare for the critic show ng recess and lunch!! plus i have to teach reg the choreo we have to do in the end.. simple lang naman kaya okay lang.. bwahaha.. plus i have to help the band also in figuring out how they'll do the music..

onga pala!! there's still "Merchant of Venice" for english class to worry about..  grarr..

plus i have to acquire a copy of "Taming of the Shrew" because Missy said so cuz we have to read it and we have a quiz on it next Monday. stress?! grarrness.. sana mag-lights na lang ako for the merchant of venice thing para hindi na ganun ka-stressful.. kaso lang shempre kailangan ko din maghirap kasi for academic purposes yung sa merchant..

tapos may songfest pa...

wow.. good luck na lang!!

pero ayos lang.. as of now, buhay pa ko.. 

hayyy.. show na tomorrow and i'm kind of nervous!! omg!! bwahaha.. well, not really THAT nervous.. ewan..

today was plain shit. i mean, wala! ang boring! tlgang wala! bad trip pa yung english kanina.. ewan.. b.v.. grr..

then songfest practice was also useless.. grrr.. nakakaleche.. ewan ko lang ah.. pero i DESPISE apathetic people, and i hate working with apathetic people all the more..

nakakainis nga i went pa eh.. i mean, i thought it was called for. pero shit! wala eh.. i took time off from banaag pa naman just to make way for that songfest practice..

IMAGINE!! UMALIS AKO SA BANAAG FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR!! "para na kong nag-fasting nyan eh!" ..grrr...

kaya sobrang low ng energy ko towards the end of the day.. kinailangan ko pa naman ng upper kasi show na bukas and i need energy badly..

yeah i know it's shit to think of putting extra-curriculars ahead of academics.. but with the way things are going? fuck. 

but then again, i had a smile plastered on my face kasi ayoko na ng marami pang tanong when people see me looking all crappy..

grrrrr. i'm quite infuriated.. wala lang.. hulaan na lang kung baket..

my gosh.. footloose was nice! watched it last saturday.. though it was painful to watch an "rnb concert" when it was supposedly a theatrical performance, the cast was amazing!! I LOOOOOOVED ATE CAISA AND ATE KYLA!! i thought nga i was watching "sideshow" eh! hehehe.. wala lang.. twas sooooo fun seeing them perform!! tapos si pom! my partner nung 1st day in playshop 2004! hay.. wala lang.. saya.. plus i saw red there (he's everywhere! haha.. the boy gets around! kidding! hi red!) then i saw teacher vannie.. hehe.. bahay na bahay na nga ko sa meralco eh.. kulang na lang, mag-perform na rin ako sa stage.. sana it happens soon.. i mean, before i leave the philippines man lang!

grabe stress yung araw na yun!! last saturday, gising ako ng 6am, tapos got to school at 8am for a 9am show.. then i went to III-5 for our practice sa merchant of venice.. hanggang 2pm yun.. 2:30 i went to ateneo to watch Blue Revue.. tapos mga 6pm nasa katipunan ako.. then 7 i was in meralco to watch footloose!!

mas stress pa kasi the night before,we did 2 shows and ended at 6pm, then rushed to ateneo to watch Bayan-Bayanan at 7pm.. mostah! lotta shows in just 2 days!

labo kanina in school i was so bangag.. spent half of chem class sleeping.. kasi todo inaantok ako nun!!  tapos nung english, thinking aloud na naman ako.. we were answering the quiz, and sir was like, "an extremely vain person" ...shempre i shouted out my name.. bwahehehe.. bangag eh..

nako nako auditions na for taming tomorrow! nervous and.. well.. uneasy..

buti na lang sir allowed us to make a video na lang of merchant instead of a stage performance.. i can't memorize multiple scripts in just one time..

pero stress pa rin. lech.

i want to do footloose again! shit naalala ko when we were learning the music there, teacher chari told me to belt my line (yung mataas na "eight hours of bustin my butt" tapos hindi ko magawa and she got frustrated.. why?! CUZ I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT "BELT" MEANS!! grabe nakakatanga!! pero ngayon alam ko na.. hahaha.. pero grabe tlga! sorry na! i didn't know! omg!

awwww... i want to perform again.. sana maka-playshop ako this summer!! though of course i want to check out canada.. might go there sa spring break nila to get ready to move out of manila.. hay.. pero sana at least i'd be aware na one of the last playshop years ko na yun.. aww.. i can't reach ten years na..

wala lang.. nagmumunimuni na naman ako.. 

again another entry on being insecure.. naiinis talaga ko kasi parang totoo yung sinabi na actors are the most insecure people. ayoko man maniwala, parang wala akong choice cuz that's what's happening to me right now.. naeexperience ko yung phase na i'm full of worries tapos basta todo insecure ako ngayon..

and i feel that i won't have a role sa major play.. ewan.. feeling ko lang.. basta.. yun..

pero i asked for a sign.. nangyari sha within minutes.. so ewan ko na lang..

i'm ym-ing with aika.. i miss her.. love you! hoi we have to go out soon.. chka basta before i leave!!

si chic din.. my gosh.. kailangan ng meeting! grrr... love you, perfect!!

si maya din.. nakalimutan ko na ako yung nagsabi sa kanya na "expect the worst but hope for the best" tapos hindi ko naman ginagawa.. 

ack!! hurt! hurt! hurt!! 

shit second auditions today.. hay nako a lot of things happened, a lot are happening, and i'm expecting a lot more to happen.

i hope everything turns out okay..

and i hope everything becomes clear.

i feel so tense.. as if eveything's not going the way i want it to happen..

though okay lang.. i have costume na for merchant.. yey..

but that's the only thing i'm happy about.. the rest, ewan.

basta ako, when i grow up (maybe grow old. hindi na ko tatangkad eh..) i'm going to be elphaba.. i'm going to be elphaba.. i'm going to be elphaba.. and i'm such a big fool to think i'll make it, but i have no choice.. let me be a fool..

may mararating ako, sha wala..