a mind is very private..

shitness!! bwahaha.. our english exam was fair.. i mean, not totally easy but not that deadly either.. kaso lang,

THAT LISTENING TEST!!! UGH!

there's this 5-item listening test which went:

"english listening test..

conversation number one...

jkrthaelfjkndliutenfjdhoeitnrekfnvosewarlwqknriwepafn

conversation number two...

fnduirejnflsdurewohnetbrlejgvpouwkane

...end of listening test"

like, THANKS HAH!

was that intentional or what? even if we really tried, it was barely audible.. no hope talaga!! as in, hey! was that even in english? it sounded chinese / gibberish / african / japanese or something!!

but the other parts were okay..

sana lang, my report card won't have "D" written all over it!! 

whoosh.. there's geom and c.l. pa tomorrow.. bwahaha.

for now, i shall sedate myself to get ready to commit suicide later.. haha.. i'm such a freak.. 

disclaimer: i'm not directing this to anyone.. ito lang tlga naffeel ko..

parang hangin na naman ako.. hangin meaning air, not wind.. kasi yung wind nararamdaman ng mga tao. eh yung air nanjan lang lagi kaya taken for granted..

buti pa yung iba, either ulan, bagyo or araw.. kasi nararamdaman lagi yung presence nila.. eh ako, dadating at mawawala ng walang pumapansin..

sadya sigurong i'm not meant to be a performer.. na wala akong impact.. walang x factor.. wala.. yun na nga.. hangin lang..

pero alam ko na may magagawa ako.. lahat naman nahahanapan ng paraan eh.. but for now, i guess i still don't know what to do..

ayokong maging hangin.. gusto ko maging bagyo.. kasi kung may bagyo, naeexcite yung mga tao kasi naghhope sila na masuspend yung classes..

but i feel as if i'm someone who's just another person.. yung walang distinct feature.. walang kakaibang nagagawa.. i don't want to be like everyone else.. i hate mediocrity.. i hate being like the person next to me or in front of me..

i want to be someone who'll make a difference.. not necessarily to the whole world.. kahit difference lang sa buhay ng isang tao.. okay na ko..

pero yun na nga.. wala akong impact. i'm insignificant..

insignificant to the point na hindi ko alam kung may nagbabasa nito at kung may buhay ba akong maaaffect upon writing this.. 

ayokong maging hangin.. hindi ko babawiin yun..

whoosh!! tagal ko na ndi nag-blog!!

my uncle died on august 12 so since then our family was super major busy.. actually, nung aug 12, rest day dapat since kakatapos lang ng exams, pero ganyan tlga.. so until now hindi pa rin ako nakakatulog ng super tagal.. ayun..

then nung thursday and friday i went on a retreat.. ok lang.. nothing out of the ordinary..

tama yung ym status ni maya.. "this is a sad, boring day"

pero kung tutuusin, hindi rin.. since, well, i still have the t.h.e. scrapbook to work on.. at yung hayop sa scrapbook na yun ay muntik nang makarating sa canada!! i really thought tito greg packed it with his stuff!! buti na lang nde cuz i would have to do it over! whoosh!!

and there's still the math portfolio to work on.. pucha natatamad na ko!!

pero last night sobrang nakaka-comfort to have ym conversations with ate chai and aika.. wala lang.. haven't talked to them for a long time na!! nakaka-miss..

actually, ang dami kong namimiss lately.. shit nung nakita ko si ilsa nung thursday sa mc, todohan!! omg!! i felt so happy..

tapos nung thursday din pagpunta ko sa banaag rehearsal, i felt na shit!! gusto ko na mamatay!! pero hindi rin..

omg wala akong mahanap na costume sa next prod!!

i'll start plugging soon!  

i hate it when i'm at the brink of excitement and suddenly a change of things would happen, with me ending up nowhere..

today, i reflected a lot on what has become of me. i remember reading b.a's palanca and he said that i always do whatever i can just to achieve something.. yung talagang, hindi ako nag-ggive up sa mga bagay na gusto ko makuha.. even if i do sometimes get hurt along the way.. parang, madadapa ako, babangon, tapos mas magiging determined sa bawat beses na bumabangon ako.. masaya!

wala lang.. napansin ko lang na i'm indeed very persistent.. lagi kong sinisigurado na i will benefit from everything i do.. and i always make sure that no one is above me.. never will i allow myself to be pushed around by anyone.. even those who are older than me, and those who appear to be more powerful than me. i'm someone who will go against all tides if that is what i percieve to be right.

*****************************************************

holy kamote.. we have to celebrate the Wika thing in school tomorrow.. nakakatamad!! fine, i'm not really a fan of nationalistic shits.. and i'm not really in favor of the filipinos as a whole.. sakit kasi sa ulo eh! hehe.. ikaw ba naman, given bad drivers, tricycle drivers, jeepney drivers, maaaliw ka ba sa kanila kasi pilipino sila?

and yeah, i'm leaving this country soon so i see no point in giving much importance to it. parang, fine, i'm a filipino because i was born and raised here. but should i be proud of it and tell the whole world that? the world is just so messed up.. pretty much like me..

*****************************************************

i'm reaaaaaaaaly sleepy!!

today i reflected on a lot of things as i had multiple car rides with my sister. wow, thank God for den and her house.. love it love it!

at nagpataba ako ng todo today.. salamat sa mcdo na nagpakain sa banaag ng breakfast, jollibee na nagpakain sa banaag ng lunch, sa ice cream sa bahay nila den, sa YFC na nagbigay samin ng food na LIBRE kaya mas masarap.. sa fuzion na nagpainom ng super yummy smoothie, sa kitaro na nag-satisfy sa aking craving for healthy food, at sa bahay nila kuya marco na nagprovide ng coke light.. oo tangina coke light kahit todo pataba na the whole day!

woorihoo there's no school on monday! GMA!! WE SHALL HAVE MORE OF THOSE!! WEATHER, WE SHALL MEET AND CLASSES SHOULD GET SUSPENDED AT 3AM ON WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY AND FRIDAY!!

anyways, ayun na nga.. i thought of a lot of stuff.. crapness, recently ko lang nalaman na some people think i'm serious with all the "prettiness" and vanity shit..

actually, all i can say is, ANG TANGA NINYONG LAHAT!!

putang ina ang daming narrow-minded sa pilipinas.. akala ko pa naman matatalino ang mga pilipino.. oo sure i'm a filipino pero pucha hindi ako kasing tanga ng malaking porsyento ng ating populasyon!! oo sige na vain na ko at picture everywhere.. anong magagawa ko eh it runs in our family!? nasanay ako na mabuhay sa mundong puno ng picture.. kanina nga i was looking at the billions of pictures in my late uncle's house.. shit mga 3 albums pa lang ata sumuko na ko eh!!

and ang pagiging "pretty" at pagrerespond pag may nagsasabing "pretty" at ang pagffeeling "pretty" ay mga tanginang joke lamang.. alam ng friends ko yan!! kaya please lang, to those who think sa seryoso ako sa lahat ng pinagsasabi ko about face value, ANG KITID NG MGA LECHENG UTAK NYO!!

wala lang.. pfft. pilipino tlga.. napaka-conservative, napaka-kitid ng utak, mga hindi gumagamit ng totoong talino.. i won't stop saying that BEING AN HONOR STUDENT DOES NOT PROVE THE INTELLIGENCE OF ONE PERSON AUTOMATICALLY!! kasi karamihan nagmememorize lang, sumisipsip sa teacher, at lahat na ng kalokohan..

ayun yun eh! KALOKOHAN!! lahat ng gawain sa pilipinas ay KALOKOHAN! lahat ng pangyayari ay KALOKOHAN! ang buhay natin, kung puro memorize lang para sa school at puro aral lang gawin natin, tinutungo natin ang daan na tatagos sa buhay na puno ng KALOKOHAN!

oo, masama ako sa pilipinas at sa mga pilipino.. pero kailangan natin tanggapin na it's reality.. na totoo namang nagklolokohan lang tayong lahat.. the truth hurts and you have no choice but to accept it. kung hindi mo matanggap, hindi ko na problema yun..

AT KUNG MAY NATAMAAN AKO, kawawa naman.. dahil wala akong tinuturong nilalang na may kasalanan ng lahat ng ito.. kung tinamaan, eh di malas..