a mind is very private..

ick! it's saturday. i got home yesterday from la luz, it's a beach in batangas and it's quite nice.

though the consequence of going there was super major mega heavy. i had to miss playshop's streetdancing show, modelling show and PENDRAGON! life is so aggravating! i was really absolutely super duper inis!

i missed chances of seeing a LOT of people! maybe some freaks also watched pendragon, and streetdancing. and some people i know performed there! and maybe some other people i know watched also! ugh. i didn't know that our show would close playshop 2005 for me. no more gimmicks, goodbye shang, goodbye fun.

though i've been told that we are to meet up again when the video comes out, things won't be the same.

i won't stop saying that i hate it cuz school just has to get in the way. i mean, whatev! what do i do in school anyways? sit on a chair for hours on end, hearing teachers say their blahs about subjects they love so much. i can't believe there are people who actually like math or whatever science and teach it for a living. they seem to have much interest in what they're teaching. tss. magtatago na lang ako sa bato.

lucky for me though, the ateneans and icans are starting on the 6th. paulinians and povedans start on the 8th. i dunno when everyone else would start, but i'm starting on the 15th! time to bum bum bum bum bum the days away. poj hates his life cuz he starts on monday! haha!

but i still miss mtf. and teach mel and pretty teach kristine olga (haha!) and teach andre. and cholo! and the happy prince and simba!

why do we have to learn everything? when we grow old and look for a job, we'd only need 1% of everything taught in school!

i want to go to the school red attended. the one in singapore. i sooo wanna go there cuz people there really learn. ick having to go to school here.

but i love banaag! so part of me wants to go to school so i could wait for the day to end and then go to banaag rehearsals. sa season opener nga lang, f.o.h na naman yata ako haha!  

i can't seem to contain myself. been listening to broadway stuff and i was really considering singing my lungs out and spreading my arms and feeling the music in my veins. kaso lang, i'm just here in poj's room (which i'm renting for recording purposes though there's no sound-proof wall) and i'm not i front of a bazillion people. i want to perform! i miss singing in front of a crowd, may it be choral or solo or whatev, kahit back-up lang basta i get to sing okay na yun! lalo na when i listened to the WICKED songs, shit! i wanted to burst with energy and perform til i run out of songs to sing!

i was extracting the voices of elphaba, glinda, kim, ti moune, violet, daisy (patches! hehe, hi ilsa!), ariel, mulan, megara, aida and mary. i lurve adobe audition. gives me the drive to perform. i mean, i'm more than driven already and holy kamote.. but whoa!

anyways, i had my hair cut. shall upload pics soon. yipes! i think it's too short. ugh i wanted to kill the gay guy who did my hair. i don't like it. like most people, i cried when i had it cut. mababaw but hey! it's MY hair, why?!?!?!?? my mom thinks i look less-stressed, my sister thinks it looks doofus. my sister's in a bad mood today and she keeps on telling me to hurry up on the internet. ugh! like, if i didn't call and make kulit the people for the internet to work this damned carcass won't work!

paulinians are going to school tomorrow! hah, been teasing pat about it! school's on the 15th pa for me. but i want to go to the banaag rehearsal tomorrow and their thing on thursday. i had previous arrangements with my mom though for thursday. grar. oh well. since i can't go to banaag on thursday, i guess i'm gonna have to be allowed at the MTF cast party on saturday. ewan ko na lang if i don't get allowed pa there ah! oh! and tomorrow also the povedans and the ateneans (hs)!! u.p started today. admu's orsem started today also! bwahahaha! 15 pa kame! belat!

i'm excited! yihee! hahaha. cast party! haven't had one of those for quite a while now.. hmmm.. what if we do cast parties in banaag? hmmmm... hi chic! we have to!

actually, i have some plans for banaag! like the fanmail thingy! hahaha! and the i.d's (yung parang sa concerts and plays and stuff kapag usher!) heehee.. and the cast parties! hahaha. yak mga walang kwenta.. though i can't wait to revise the consti since mahirap i-apply yung current consti (especially now that we changed our venue already).. hahaha. oh my gosh, am i looking forward to this or what!?

hay, i guess i have to accept. summer's quite over. sure there'd still be a couple summer vacations for me in the future, but i only have a few of those left. actually, i have two left. cuz after two summer vacations, i shall spend my summers in college. well, sana lang i can opt to not have summer class.

there are a lot of things i'm going to miss. there's internet all day, ps2, perpetual YM, getting out of the house, being with friends, TRUMPETS (5 years and it won't stop there!), friends from trumpets, playshop teachers, SHANG, the MRT, 3-year old cholo, parties, rehearsals which last really long..

though there are also a lot of things to look forward to. there's my new classmates (na block section na!), the thrills of finding out what section i'll be in, mornings in the caf with jow and lara and camille and marel and others, the perks of knowing new teachers i'll mess with (crap, i'm not looking forward to that actually), BANAAG REHEARSALS (for me who can't live without theatre), staying in school til 6pm, car rides, soirees with hopefully matinong people, whatev!

"but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in.." i'm going to school to STUDY which i don't quite like. especially that there'd be chem and geom to worry about. not to mention tough filipino like noli and fili. ugh. i hate highfalutin filipino words! i'm for english mostly (especially after the last entry! haha!)

oh well. it's a rule in improvs that we must not refuse. holy kamote. 

like i said, i write with my left so that makes me a lefty. however, i do everything else with my right hand unlike all those left-handed people who are left-handed all the way. though i still become a lefty cuz most people base it on what hand is used to write. but since writing is the only thing i do with my left, doesn't that make me ambidextrous, or dominantly right-handed?

i was reading steph c's blog and she answered a couple of quiz thingys and placed some comments after the results.. there was this line that went "i was born a lefty but my mom forced me to change" or some sort of line which went like that. whoosh. being the sort-of-lefty i am, time to react!

when i was a kid, i thought everyone did everything like me. until in nursery, i began to learn to write, and noticed that there's something unusual with how i did it. i wrote with my left hand. and being the kid i was, and the kids that my classmates were, they kept on asking why i didn't write like them. i gave them puzzled looks at first, then after a while i gave them "so what? this is my life" looks.

of course as i grew older (not taller, just older. life is sad), i learned that 1 out of 10 people are left-handed. yes, i still get those "oh, you're left-handed?! i didn't know that!" comments when people discover that i'm left-handed. but it's actually agonizing to answer every now and then. i mean, is it my fault? or is it a fault, to begin with?

when this summer vacation just started, i was bummed at home and had nothing to do, so i read some stuff on how the ancient people percieve the left hand. some said that when you touch food with your left hand, it would get spoiled. it was also said in the bible that we should not let our left hand know what our right hand is doing. then the other foreign terms for "left" give negative connotations.

oh, and why are anti-government groups called LEFT-ist groups? 

why give much attention to it? why is left always associated with negativity? like when my brother (who's also left-handed) got low in his math grade, my aunt was like, "maybe cuz he's left-handed.."

aren't we given enough torture that most tools used are for the right hand? like when we write using sign pens, ink would just smear all over the pages.. and our hands hurt when we use a spiral notebook and we're writing on the right side of the page. then we get unusual remarks.

ugh. to hell with prejudice. 

whoosh! i have a lot of thoughts in mind right now! i won't be too wordy though..i hope.

anyways, i went to magical divisoria yesterday! haha cheap thrills! but it was so much fun and scary and stuff! my mom and i were supposed to take the car going there but my sis wasn't answering her phone so we can't get the car key! so we rode the lrt 2! it was so fun! it was my 1st time to ride the lrt 2! haha! it's the train with the purple and yellow stripe which has a station in katipunan. then when we got to the station wherein we had to get off, it was raining! my mom took me to a jeep! exciting! so we rode the jeep til the shopping place. it was aircon haha. and there were a lot of stuff! i haven't been there in years! and last time i rode a jeep was back in second grade when i went to simbang gabi i think, basta i was with my sister and my yaya then.

i bought quite a lot. spent just a thousand! super fun! though when i got home i had a horrible headache which lasted til i slept. maybe cuz of all the pollution and the place being crowded and all.

right now i'm ym-ing with kuya macky. we got into those career talks again. i mean, go, rub it in! it's true anyways. getting into theatre should be a sideline. which means we have to go corporate too. there's a super slim chance of anyone making it super big in theatre. to think the TV people are also being put in theatre so that people would watch it. parang, kanila na nga yung tv eh, pati theatre kanila pa? ugh. hate it! pfft, divas. but kuya macky's right. if they seem to be working quite hard on it, they do deserve respect.

after a lot of ramblings, i sent him some files. heehee.. i'm sure he loved those.

so that's pretty much what i've been up to.

oh! MTF cast party tomorrow! video ain't out yet, but there'll be another time for us to watch the video and laugh at our mistakes and whatev! i'm bringing the utensils (spoons, forks, cups and plates) so that my mom would really allow me. kasi shempre that one's vital. hehe.. i'm thinking quite well! which means, i'm GOING! 

 i like my YM status message. "i'm winning a tony award. what are you gonna do?" haha.. that's what i'm gonna answer if someone asks me what i want to do. but seriously, i've seen idina menzel win a tony award. so, i'm going to get one too!

woopeedoo! MTF cast party today! i didn't take pics cuz i relied on vince's camera and justine's camera! i shall steal pics in their stuff soon.. so, yes! go upload na ah! yes!

anyways, before the cast party, i went to a baptism.. then i remembered what teacher k.o said about the veil of forgetfulness. hay, i think i AM having withdrawal symptoms.

billie's grandma's place is quite nice. heehee. i rode the dinosaur thingy (or was that a dragon? basta a green thingy) which was so fun! it's a kiddie ride actually.. pero yes! walang tokens! haha! tipid! kidding!

ayun, so we ate and talked non-stop. then pictures here and there (instant pictorial! shempre nandun ako eh. kidding!) then we watched "mamma patrick" starring patrick! haha.. na mahal na mahal ng pamilya nya dahil puro sha lang yung nndun sa video! and money money money had a sabog moment. shet muhn! and take a chance on me had tempo problems. but fabulous yun gimme gimme and voulez vous! everyone was so sabay-sabay!

after that, we talked some more, and teacher andre had to go na cuz he had this thingy pa in ccp. sorry na! haha.. performer eh! anyways, ayun, i'll really miss teacher andre. he always encourages everyone! and yeah, super flattening yung comments nya and stuff.. and his uber gwapo voice of God is just oh my goshly great! 

chris and i played the avenue q cd! hahaha! teacher k.o shall download it cuz she liked it! nako nako.. influential! pretty!

then pool kicked in. and i changed to getting wet clothes cuz i know i was gonna get wet. after all, billie, vince, steph, patrick and tippy were splashing water everywhere! then after a while, dianne swam na also.. then crap! vince pushed me to the pool. i thought i was gonna be able to save myself eh! but no! i was pushed! oh well. it's a way of life. there are inevitable stuff we have to deal with.

then i was making kulit na in the pool. i even heard teacher melanie and dianne talking about me when i was splashing water on billie! teach mel was like, "uh! ayaw daw nya mag-swim!" or some such statement.. kasi nga naman.. sinong pakipot na ayaw daw mag-swim!? hahaha.

time went by really fast. i mean, before i knew it, it was already time for me to leave. crap, noh? basta, i hated that i had to leave already. cast parties are always fun because you're with the people with whom you put up one whole show and it's one time for you to not worry about anything! because the show's over!

but really, trumpets is a sanctuary.. going to playshop class is like forgetting that there is such a thing as the "real world." 

anyways, i just got news from gab that gablet kara is performing in beauty! haha! kara pangilinan's going to play CHIP in beauty and the beast! and ate kyla's also part of the cast! so people,

PLEASE WATCH BEAUTY AND THE BEAST which runs from JUNE 16 until JULY 17 at the MERALCO THEATRE!

congrats, kara! haha, you know me na, right? haha. can't wait to watch it!

and congrats also to ate kyla! she's not just gonna do beauty, she also got in sa FOOTLOOSE! ate ky, tell me when it's gonna show! can't wait to watch that too! miss you much! 

ick, the summer's really over. no more playshop class to look forward to. but i'll get by. though withdrawal symptoms are still present, i'll get by. but i won't forget that MTF happened to me.

igh! i hate hate hate sniffles!

see, during the cast party, i was pushed to the pool. then i played with everyone for hours until my mom came to pick me up and told me to take a bath na lang at home cuz i take a bath for so tagal and she doesn't wanna wait. so yun. i went pa somewhere before going home. and now i'm sniffling like there's no tomorrow.

but i don't have any regrets of giving in to the whole "pool" thing. after all, how could i resist eh i was pushed na nga and there's no turning back!?

hay nako. i got nothing to blog about. all i did today was internet and internet and internet. but i also ate. crap. urgh!

today's been uneventful. and i bet tomorrow's going to be the same. whatev!

i want to get well na but getting well means being all set for school. so i guess i have to take that back. i'm perfectly fine with inflamed tonsils and a crappy throat.

pfft. 

salamat sa aking mga sponsors..

PEI PA KOA.. the best. super the best!

tuseran.. for flu.. yeaaaaah..

biogesic.. kasi i'm really inis na with this horrible feeling!

grarrrrr... 

awww.. i miss the way teacher k.o calls me "pretty one".............

ayun, 1st day of school today. we had around 3 hours of the usual "going over the rules" thing. boringan! plus my teacher's kinda nakakaantok to listen to.

then we had an assembly and it was so fucking hot! there was this talk on safety thingies.. and basta, it was soooo hot na parang kumukulo na lahat ng pawis ko and they're evaporating na! and let's just say that the best part of the talk was when it ended.

then we met our teachers. i think my english teacher is gay.. ultimate coolness! i love the wit of gay people. they seem smarter than straight men.  crapness.. i hope i still get a love life after broadcasting this!

i wanted to be absent today but i guess i can't afford to not go to school. i skipped banaag rehearsals na lang (unprofessional, i know) because i was feeling really horrible na because last night was the roughest night ever! i couldn't sleep because i was feeling majorly sick! and now it still hasn't gone away!

i missed mia. i hugged her today and she was like, "i-hhug mo ko tapos may virus ka?!" haha.. but she was kidding lang. but what can i do? i miss hugging mia! and the blue batch better visit real soon! i miss them to bits!

bukas na the other details. i have to go take a warm bath and then homework and then go to sleep na.. sana naman by now medicine would work na! 

i lost it.. i mean, i lost IT!! crap the kamote and holy patatasfritas of oompa loompas of the world!

I LOST MY VOICE!

i soooo can't handle this! kanina i went to school with a speakable voice eh! ngayon, nothing comes out! and it really frustrates me! this soooo sucks! like, it just has to happen now when i need my voice the most!! i have to go room-to-room tomorrow for promotions.. then usher in the afternoon.. then on monday there will be promotions again! then wednesday til friday, usher again and ticket sales pa!

so shempre when i promote, i have to talk and tell people what i'm promoting as well as all the details.. then when i usher, i greet people, tell them where to sit, blah.. and in ticket sales, i'll sales talk people pa and stuff!

but thanks to teacher melanie, i know na what to do. though the hard part is that i'm gonna have to avoid talking at all costs..  as in, shut up!

so, speechless ba ko? yak joke.. haha ang panget 

ako? magshshut up? hello? do you guys know how ma-hirit i am?! hurts, diba? but i'll do it.. kasi sobrang naiiyak na ko! hating this a lot na talaga! droga na lang! bwahaha!

thanks talaga, teach! awww.... crapness.. gusto ko na ulet mag-summer. 2 days in school and i'm still experiencing the withdrawal stage.

plus, i didn't know na 8pm na! kasi we ended rehearsal at 6pm.. grabe, i lost sense of time! nakakatanga!

see? even in my blog i say a lot of stuff! i'm so ma-kwento and i don't like what i'm going thru.. wish me luck!!

MTF IS LURVE!! i miss playshop.

first off, i shall greet gab! haha!!

CONGRATS FOR PASSING ICA's D.G!! i'm so proud of you, freak!

hay, you're in for a ride! high school theatre clubs go through a lot. but i'm sure you can handle all the academic pressure.. and all the other things that might get in the way. you're gonna do great!

okay, so my voice got a little better when i woke up.. thanks to lots of water, shutting up and sleeping.

tapos during the mass (we had one in the morning) i wasn't talking at all! super, whoa! hahaha! pero i was really focused nung mass.. i prayed for a lot of stuff.. cuz well, i'm going through quite a lot.. akin na lang whatever those are.

gusto ko umiyak right now.. i feel so disturbed.

then after that we had recess.. then crap i'm starting to hate english class (dun na nga lang ako matino eh! i mean, hello?! yun na lang tlga!) because my teacher isn't so great after all. pinag-iinitan nya ko, i swear i'm inis already! fuckass.

oh crap. i recited a lot today. i know i'm kind of violating the whole voice rest thing, but sana naman my grades won't get affected by it hello naman! basta, i spoke a lot din..

then at dismissal time i was with banaag and we had a meeting and rehearsal. we didn't push thru with the showcase today because of some stuff. again, reason cannot be placed here.

though we're still going for the season opener next week. can't wait! i'm gonna be f.o.h again (cuz every season opener i'm f.o.h).. and i'll invite a lot of people and get to see everyone who's going to watch and say hi to those i know. most probably, the blue batch 2005 people are gonna watch the s.o.. i love them. mia! i miss you! hug ulet!

during the meeting i said a lot of stuff.. oh no, so, good luck na naman sa voice ko! nawawala na ulet sha.. basta, i was commenting on some stuff. and i was trying to suggest some stuff. and whoa, naging serious ako! i feel it! i feel it! i'm soooo growing up! banaag's changing me for good.

in fact, a lot of people are changing me for good. ako lang talaga siguro yung makulet. there are my friends, the trumpets teachers and classmates, banaag..  

i think i'm getting more than i bargained for.. really! at some point, i can't help but be thankful that i'm still here. life treats me well. thanks, Lord!

i miss being a bum of summer. i miss being a playshopper of summer.

but i have no regrets of spending my 1st few days of school with banaag. and i'm looking forward to more moments with them!

whoa. seems i can't say much anymore! this is quite different. hmmm.. let's just say i let out a lot whenever i post in the yahoogroup thing of MTF. super super dami ko nakkwento sa kanila! i just miss them. i mean, two months of playshop could do a lot in terms of bonding.

i entered an emotional phase. for the past days i've been crying in the most senseless situations.. i feel so different! ang babaw ng luha ko! like teach mel and ate joy said, "it's THAT time of the year."

but i also thought that maybe my loss of voice is connected with my emotional phase. i'm on voice rest.. i haven't been talking much and maybe that gave me lots of room for thought. basta yun. if marami akong iniisip, i realize a lot of things and eventually be moved to tears..

siguro emotional din ako cuz SOMEONE's not talking to me. nag-sorry na ko and all even if hindi ko alam kung ano yung nagawa ko.. i'm not saying this para tamaan sha.. i'm just, well, hurt..

so to rid all those thoughts off, i'd be glad to fantasize and plan my wedding, debut, honeymoon, 25th wedding anniversary, golden wedding, etc.

kidding! well, maybe. whatev.

better posts to come soon. 

i arrived home at roughly 10:30pm tonight! stressful!

in the morning my sister's car had a flat tire, so i was late for school today.

and then the usual meetings everyday.. recess, lunch, dismissal til 6pm..

btw, we had a bunch of diagnostic tests today. not funny anymore! grarrness!

then when i went to my sister so we could finally go home, she was having her hair permed in one of the salons in katipunan. i waited for 3 and a half damned hours! sobrang inis na inis ako!

we went to yellow cab for dinner but decided to eat in the car na lang cuz it was getting late and i couldn't stand everything any longer. arrrrgh!

i want to cry again. crap. the perks of being in an emotional phase.

yak the title's so weird!

anyways, critic show today. i felt so proud! i love banaag. and i was getting stuff for them (eyeliner, hairpins, etc) since i ain't part of the cast (the call of trumpets. hehe. 5 years and going on 6 in 10 months!).. grabe i felt like an apprentice again! ang saya pala!

i have a bunch of stuff to do pa. but i'm blogging. irresponsible, i know.. but i don't think i'm gonna leave everything hanging.. so even if i don't get to sleep, okay lang.

we had our lot of diagnostic tests again today! nakakainis! bright side lang, i was able to finish half of the geom homework kasi binibilisan ko mag-answer ng diagnostic tests. but earlier i finish the tests fast para makabawi for lost sleep (hindi naman graded eh. kaya i don't make sure they're correct)...

so half-down and 4 1/2 to go! half hw for geom, 1 for social studies, 1 for filipino, 2 for banaag (criticisms and tickets)..

eew double period yung chem tomorrow! que panget.

ooh! teach mel mentioned in the MTF group that i'm growing daw cuz i come up with good pieces of advice. yeah! changing for good! (awww wicked.) pero i don't feel like i'm growing because i'm not getting any taller. bwahahaha! kidding.

and thanks so much to those who prayed for my voice. and thanks to those who gave tips on how to protect my voice from further damage (hi, teach mel!) and thanks to all my sponsors.. PEI PA KOA, STREPSILS, SUMMIT MINERAL WATER, BIOGESIC, ADVIL, etc.

SPREAD HAPPINESS! MY VOICE IS BACK!

and love shall rule the world! 

my sudden outburst of emotions is quite disturbing. i’m in one of my life’s low points right now. siguro it may be THAT time of the year (my friends and i quite agree on this one. that there’s a time of the year when we feel very in touch with our emotions) but neens said that emotions don’t have alarms. there are certain factors which make you emotional. some you notice, some you don’t. but those tears aren’t out of nothing. diba nga, everything has a reason. 

yuck. that last line. parang misheard lyrics ng “corner of the sky.” ang panget.

but i think i’m driven to tears because i’m using crappy old microsoft word to type this thing! the internet ain’t working due to the horrible weather! crapness! just when i need to read MTF posts, in their blogs or in the yahoo group or whatever, the internet acts up. maybe God wants to tell me that i should do my homework first. but i’ll be needing the internet also cuz of the history homework. crap.

plus a lot of things happened to me today. most aren’t blog-worthy..

pero sana talaga there’s internet already.

i got wet cuz of the rain. hello, 8:30pm na ko nakauwi! i’m not allowed to commute but jow and i rode a trike from commonwealth ave til filinvest 1 cuz nakakahiya naman if magpahatid pa kme kay tal. and as we were nearing jow’s house, the rain got heavier! thank God i brought an umbrella.

tapos uuwi ako at malalaman ko na walang internet? jdsakfhperuieodnpwa!! may sound mababaw, pero it’s such a pain in the ass!

ugh. i feel like crying again! forgive.. it’s that time of the year. mga babae tlga oh.

i'm in a banaag YM conference now to plan the auditions. akalain mo ba naman, pati weekends trabaho pa rin iniisip namin! oh well. iba na ang dedication level namin!

pero of course fool around muna.

update sa season opener. we're floating in cash! haha. kidding! but it did great! jampacked yung thursday and friday shows!

anyways, yesterday was a blast! heehee.. blue batch people were there! yeeps! and they liked it! heehee. i loooooved "tagu-taguan." super close to home.

then the last line in "unan" was great. i love dartz. heehee. wala lang. great great!

hay nako. my emotional phase is still not over. i cried again yesterday! pero thanks, nicki.. for lending your shoulder yesterday.. and the other day. love you!

chic, thanks sa lahat lahat! promise, i'll take care of banaag! chka belated happy birthday! love ka namin ni jow kaya tinotoo namin na mag-greet by midnight! hehe. cool eh!

whoosh! we're having problems. iba pa rin tlga ang actual communication! we're progressing sa YM conferences pero not everything's clear. hay nako.

pero now it's kinda clear na. yey! i love!

jussell's missed. ugh july 4 pa daw sha balik! nako, out na sha! haha! love you, jasel!

hmmmm.. i feel uncomfortable. hindi ko alam kung baket. 

no, i'm not changing blogs.

i just feel different. i don't blog as much anymore.

whoosh! banaag's almost done with the auditions! konti na lang, we'll have new blood! yey!

eew acquaintance day thingy tomorrow.. drea and i will do our t.h.e. report tomorrow during the whole thing. para tapos na. k.j na kami but i don't care. sa monday na reporting eh! chka, we'll just pig out. yun lang. so, yey!

confirmed! i'm watching BATB on saturday!! ALOOOOONE! good luck na lang when an emotional outburst happens!

anyways, i'm quite speechless. i feel like there's nothing to say but there's a lot going on.

i hate philippine politics. ililibing ko silang lahat ng buhay. ang laki ng problema. grarr. that's why there's nothing good on t.v nowadays! political crap. urgh. so i'll solve the problem by putting something good on t.v.. time for my own t.v show! yeah! can't wait! hahaha!

my throat is damaged once more. but it's cuz of crappy colds and crappy cough and all the hooplah. teach mel said when the voice is damaged, it's either the voice is overworked or the body is overworked thus damaging the voice that comes with the package.

meaning, i have to rest!!

so, i'm outie! good night, world!