a mind is very private..

hay, FINALLY may matinong nag-audition kanina. all the new ones were better than yesterday's batch.

i had a relatively good day today. well, except for math time. but i won't let that get the better of me.

achievement: i made kapa some parts of "all i ask of you" in the violin kanina. i'm happy!

i feel bad that phantom of the opera is a movie now. i miss the days when only a limited number of people sing to those songs. now everyone i know is raving about "all i ask of you" and people from everywhere are singing it. ang corny na. theater people lost another piece which was supposed to be for theater people only. if WICKED becomes a movie, patayan na toh! ang jologs talaga...

i'm YMing with aika and maya and jow and mama ana mae.. happy 2d anniv, aika!

needing someone to talk to. corny kapag ym eh.. must UBE with someone tomorrow. banaag, we shall UBE tomorrow.

i love me tonight. tomorrow, i don't love me anymore.

i'm sabog because i'm neglecting the projects in c.l and fil and comp. plus i'm not yet preparing for tomorrow's tdr of the english/social exam.

i don't like killing innocent frogs. if innocent people are killed because of wrong accusations, the same thing goes for frogs. goodbye, elephant.

hay, bad vibes ako today. undoubtedly, today's the most stressful day for this week.

first of all, cooking class was a bore. our group was so frustrated cuz the food we were cooking was taking sooooo long! (we made this buko pandan thingy. the one with coconut and gelatin and sago and cream and stuff) we reached recess time and all was set.

but then our teacher was in a BV moment din at the time so nakakagago. parang, okay! what a good way to start the day! umagang-umaga, ang panget ng happening. pfft.

KASO LANG, it was out TDR in english and it was supposed to be during the next period so our group went to the speech room and prepared for it. meaning, we didn't have recess. and i didn't eat during lunch cuz i didn't want to.

*i like cueps' YM stat: magkano ba ang IQ?*

which makes me think. shet, ang baba ng IQ ko. superior pero ndi ginagamit. i dunno the numerical equivalent pero i fall under superior daw. i'm not satisfied. i want to be very superior. pero innate IQ lang yun. yung acquired IQ ko is like below average, meaning i hesitate to take in information. i'm not open to new things. translation = gago ako.

*end of commercial*

the english TDR was horrible. i don't like some of the people i'm working with (tippy: diba, ayoko sa mga taong puro salita! wehehe) (nina: o ano na, rene boy jr.? shet, benta pa rin sakin!)....... PLUS! SOMEONE WRECKED MY CD CASE! i got totally infuriated, then i cried afterwards. nakakainis when something you've been treasuring for like 3 years would have its binders unattached, and the whole thing suddenly looks super dilapidated. it wasn't like that when i handed it to her. i super took care of the thing, arranged all my cd's alphabetically, listing the track titles in each cd. tapos sisirain nya lang? fuck!

kaya nga sobrang pag nagpapahiram ako ng discman and cds after that incident, i'd let them borrow then mutter to myself "****** *** mo kung masira yan patay ka sakin. ****** ***!!"

anyhoo, saving grace ko? banaag auditions! group dynamics kanina. in fairness, they did pretty well. kaso lang, they simply didn't get the instruction! we told them for like 3 times na and when they got in, mali pa rin yung ginagawa nila!

pero there were people who passed. ayos!

chka pala, when i was on my way to the banaag audi venue, i saw this board full of pics, and noticed a familiar face. hehe,, it was me! there was this exhibit thingy and putoh edited my pic! hehe.. naka-night mode and i look like some asian horror person!

i've been ranting non-stop today. todo bad vibes talaga. good thing there are people who keep me sane. love you, you know who you people are..

hoping tomorrow's not as stressful!

yep, i'm thinking on my nose again.

i can't believe it's already quite late! it's only been a while since i got home! banaag audition ended up quite late today cuz the new members have finally been chosen!

congrats to cheskie, maya, besa, pia, jana, den, and issa! hope you all take care of banaag's name, and hope you have fun with the people in banaag!

side kwento, i was actually crying when we welcomed the new members. ewan, i get really sentimental when it comes to triumphant moments.. kahit sa movies.. hehehe.. then at the same time, nag-crying session kme ni bea cuz aalis na the blue batch. oh well, life goes on.

ate phoebe's classmates are staying here at our place tonight. they won't sleep so it's not a "sleepover." they're baking pie for the medieval fair.

i hurt my left ringman. napaso ako!! ouch! kaya people, never play with fire.

speechless na ko.. nakakatamad!

today's such a teary day for me. well, last night, i cried. this morning upon waking up, i cried. during the mass today, i cried. during biology class and english class and c.l class, i cried. while inside the clinic, before i fell asleep, i cried.

and of course, during Banaag's farewell party, i crieeeeeeed!

as i've said a billion times (and i won't stop saying it, mind you), after a rough day at school, i take comfort in going to Banaag meetings/rehearsals/chill out moments, knowing that there's a family i'll spend two hours of my life with.

hay, today was fun! nakakaiyak ng sobra! considering we have to let go of bea's words of wisdom, aina's "child actress" skills, mia's hot-ness (lalo na sa freshmen! kc and bebs!), lebs' nakakasindak antics during auditions, kriska's ka-kikayan, nina's overpowering-hard-to-beat-pamatay-nangingibabaw-lagi voice, tine's o.c-ness when it comes to props, ana mae who will forever be my mama, gaye's stage directions, laura's way of cheering people up, ate kookie's crossing the bridge (hehe,, sibol ka na ngayon ah!), aya's high voice (soprano ng bayan!), pam's laugh and amazing dance steps with tine, and then there's aiu's j.lo-ish ways.

banaag is not a club. it's more than a family.

oh my gosh, i'm still crying! imagine, from morning til night ah! ano naman ang tawag sakin?!

speaking of crying, i want to have the ability to make people cry. kasi no matter what happens, i'm always the first or one of the first to cry, err, wail.. hmmm.. kuya macky, teach me..

i want drama in my life. i want to take a picture of myself with a straight face as a tear falls down my cheek.

i was texting mama ana mae while ym-ing laura. hay. i'll super miss them.. sana wala na lang parting ways.. kaso lang, ano pa ba magagawa ko? ano pa ba magagawa nmin?!

tulog na nga lang..

"sa pagtulog mo ang nais lamang ay mayakap ka. ang bawat awit ay alay sayo, parang mga rosas na ito.."

we had banaag deliberations today. 8am-3pm. it was fun, and the blue batch's presence made it all the more special. well, i liked the results naman.. wala lang. and den did a great job. hehe,, she did tholemly thwear by the moon and the thtarth and the thky.

sana sa wednesday pumunta yung blue. sana mag-comelec sila kasi kung ndi cla mag-comelec, ndi ko cla makikita.

pansin ko lang, ang babaw talaga ng luha ko for the past week. mommy! naiiyak na naman ako! pero sa totoo lang, my gosh, i'll miss banaag blue. if not for them, i'd still be hating my life right now. like i said nung farewell part 1, sa kanila lang ako comfortable na mag-tanggal ng high-heeled shoes, at mag-pads lang (considering my "giftedness" or "well-endowment" or whatever you want to call it!) sa dress ko nung farewell, at kayo lang ang laging nagsasabi na pumapayat na ko kahit hindi pa naman talaga!

hey lebs! bonding tayo! hay, i'm happy..

i'm thankful for being a banaager. sure, there'd be times when i'd wish na sana things were different (like go back to where i came from and let things happen they way i planned them to happen), but banaagers gave me a reason to stay where i am. i'd always look forward to dismissal time, because i'm aware that i have to stay with banaag til 6pm. like what pam said kanina, "kating-kati na paa ko kasi gusto ko na talaga mag-club!" banaag always feels that. yan ang ndi nararamdaman ng ibang club. dahil kami, nakakapag-tanggal ng problema, kahit for a short time lang.

totoo naman na it's not just a theatre club. it's more of a family.

kaso lang dahil the blue batch is graduating (and their exams will be on monday na), ndi maiwasan na magbuhos ng sandamakmak na luha. kung lahat ng banaager ay paiyakin mo ng sabay-sabay, wala nang water shortage sa mundo! grabe, hindi ko inakala na they'll make such an impact to my life. ang galing eh.. wala naman akong inexpect, but it all happened. kaya dapat talaga walang ineexpect sa lahat eh - para matutuwa ka na lang kapag may nangyari..

i'm also thankful for having done "tau-tauhan" cuz if it weren't for that play, i wouldn't be close to the banaagers i hug almost everyday. maybe if tau-tauhan didn't happen, i'll still be my "taray" self. kaya to my mamas (navs and mama anamae), to the superfriends, the villains, and every banaager, thank you..

lebs, nakaka-senti ka!

i'm proud to be in banaag!

more entries soon!

i've been listening to kuya macky's mp3 cd for the last 10 minutes. hay, how this kind of music soothes me. the voices are great, the lyrics make me cry, there's nothing better than this..

i'm limited
just look at me
i'm limited
and just look at you
you could do all i couldn't do
so now it's up to you.

was thinking about a lot last night til this morning. nagaya na yata ako kay lebs.. overthinker na rin ako. pero sha, THE GREAT overthinker.

naisip ko na i won't move on if i don't say goodbye. i won't be a cincoer if i didn't say goodbye to gr6. i wouldn't be a knoller if i didn't say goodbye to paulinians. i wouldn't be a banaager if i didn't say goodbye to PYC. i wouldn't be in 2d year if i didn't say goodbye to first year. i wouldn't be a freak if i didn't move on from being a footlooser. i wouldn't be happy in banaag if i didn't say goodbye to my previous way of life.

but that doesn't take away the pain of saying goodbye. for me, though, i'd rather say, "see you soon" than goodbye because i don't want goodbyes to exist. if goodbyes are here, then the ones i'd say goodbye to are the people i'll never meet again. i still want to see them and be with them at least once in a while.

i once heard from ms windsor, "make every heartbeat count." she's right. i should.

right. and now i regret all those moments i took for granted. pero in some way, okay na rin toh. because if there's no such thing as taking things for granted, there'd also be no such thing as putting value to the things we should cherish. kailangan din ng balance.

i just hope i'm making sense. baka yung iba hindi na toh gets. lalo na yung mga ndi nag-aanalyze mashado.

don't wish
don't start
wishing only wounds the heart

kaya ndi na lang ako magwwish. cuz i know that there are some wishes that just don't come true. besides, if i wish for something, they may have consequences. like if i wish for people not to go away, then i'd not make room for both parties to meet and learn to love new people.

pero sana talaga....

i haven't blogged for such a long time! i missed tabulas a lot! well, apparently, i've been doing some requirements and finishing up what's unfinished. hay, panira talaga ang school..

just recently jow and i have been UBE-ing a lot! i mean, para na kong nakatira sa house nya! hehehe.. we're talking about stuff.. school and the crap that comes with it.. pati na rin the rewards that are part of the package..

i must say sobrang happy ako na nasa banaag ako. i know i've been saying that over and over and over again but there's just no stopping me. everytime there's a club meeting i'll skip anything just to be in banaag. i know na academics before clubs pero it's hard to say no to being with them even for a short while. they always give me the assurance that i'm loved and that they got my back no matter what. i'm not implying na ngayon ko lang na-experience toh.. i'm just happy that i'm experiencing something that i don't deserve.

sobrang happy ko today that there's club time for us. kasi nung monday and yesterday, i had an encounter with co-banaagers during dismissal time. lahat kami inis na inis dahil wala kaming magawa. we have nothing to do, no place to stay, it was just plain different. tapos sabi ni pam yson, "ang weird ng feeling noh?!" and her words came right out of every banaager's mouth. ANG WEIRD NG FEELING! nakakapanibago na umuwi ng mga 4pm, while the sun is still up. parang, i should be going home after sunset pa eh! (crap, i'm starting to cry!)

jow and i felt frustrated and posted something on the banaag bboard. to those who haven't read it, go ahead and read! i miss you all so much, clubmates! life is so boring without family.

sana may club bukas chka sa friday chka next week. ayoko talagang umuwi ng maaga! i want to be with my family for at least an hour a day. bakit pa kasi bawal mag-club during hell week and exam week eh?!

oh! onga pala, thanks to those who voted for me. asst. sec na ko ng banaag! wala lang..

shifting gears, i'm soooooo looking forward to playshop this summer! it's going to be my 5th year! kung puede nga lang, mag-year round playshop ako eh.. kaso lang stress aabutin ko nun with the burdens of school and the banaag meetings til 6pm.. baka naman gusto ko din matulog kahit minsan sa buhay ko noh?! pero i really want to playshop! kaso lang, teacher chari might not teach in advanced anymore. eh i like her to teach in advanced!! she's simply the best! who's going to teach us now? freaks and footloosers, let's playshop, alright?! we have to!

kaso lang may banaag summer workshop din. hay.. life is quite complicated.

i'll miss the blue batch banaagers. i cried upon hearing tine say "awww... wala nang banaag.." as she left the meeting kanina. mia gave jow a clearbook with her handouts.. hehe,, ibebenta namin ni jow yun! for sure, si kc and bebs yung bibili..

senti mode na naman ako. hay, life.

i'm in school spending computer time while i should be studying or wasting time writing letters.. kaso lang tamad ako..

i want a resolution. lalo na sa mabagaaaaaaal na internet na toh. jologs.

the 4th year corridoors are so quiet. ang lonely. they don't have classes today and tomorrow, so that means i have 14 hugs less than my usual dosage. daya pa ni jussell! mia and gaye will watch her group's play prod! nako! if mia gets there, wala na.. jow and i have to kick in.. may bayad na yung play prod nila!

oh! in a few hours i shall dissect my pet named "boy bawang"... kawawa naman sha.. i'm sad. innocent frogs should be given justice. however, since they're overpopulated, they result to having themselves killed. kawawa naman sha.. sayang talaga. boy bawang could have done more than just live with lilypads.

since this morning naiiyak na ko.. pero ndi dahil kay boy bawang! dahil sa 14 less hugs na meron ako ngayon. pagka-kita ko kay kat and kay abby, naiyak ako! tapos the thought na walang club later, hay! i'm sad.

i sooooper have to turn back time. i hate myself.

i'm missing people. i'm missing hugs.

grarrrr!

for some strange reason, bad vibes ako today. parang nalugi ng ilang milyon. ndi ko alam kung produkto yun ng araw ko.. siguro nga..

imagine, yung filipino essays ko, ang bababa!! kainis when the teacher wants her explanations on YOUR essay! like, kaya nga essay diba kasi yung interpretation mo yung icoconsider! leche sha! mamatay sha at ang libro nyang walang kwenta! (insert all profanity here)

plus, naiinis ako sa mga tao na nanglalait ng ibang tao dahil sa inggit.. lalo na yung nanglalait ng tao galing sa streetdancing advanced! wala lang.. ang yabang ng lahi eh.. eh kung sha nga, ndi nakapasa eh.. hehehe.. magsama sila ng bahay nyang malaki.. hinahangin ako sa kanya! grarrrrrrr!

hmmmm.. anu p b? oh my gosh, feeling ko, my mom won't allow me to join playshop summer stock (if i pass, that is!).... grabe yung sked! everyday from 6pm-9pm! like, 3 hours? tapos gabi pa.. pero the class will be under jaime del mundo.. so feeling ko todo advanced class yun! i was having second thoughts about auditioning, but thanks to b.a and mama amae and kuya macky, i'll give it a shot.

b.a said that my voice is strong.. strong as in kaya daw shang buhatin..
sabi ni mama amae, i shouldn't kill my dreams..
sabi ni kuya macky, my voice has the power and quality to make it to advanced. i just have to show them that i have the voice and that i own the voice..

may points silang lahat. cool ako eh!

pero seriously, i'm going to audition. might not come out victorious, but i won't know if i'm good or not if i don't try.. diba nga, mama, i shouldn't underachieve.. shets, i learned a lot from our 5-hour YM session! mag-YM ba naman tayo ng 5:30pm til 10:30pm eh! sinong walang matututunan? ah alam ko na.. yung mga ndi marunong mag-isip.. *BLACKOUT!*

i'm bored and becoming less witty by the millisecond. i don't like this kind of life.. i want to think and think and think. pero ayoko nung think because i need a grade in math or in bio or whatever.. i only make room for profound thoughts.. ako ay isa sa mga super konting tao na may pagmamahal sa logic.

i killed time in ateneo today. i stayed there from like 4pm til 8pm due to this medieval fair that my sister did.. project nya for history. they were all dressed in medieval attire and sobrang i liked the clothes.

side kwento pa: i saw this guy with a guitar.. he was teaching this girl how to play the guitar.. and when the girl was having a hard time, he was like, "it goes like this.." he grabbed the guitar and played a song that he made himself.. wala lang.. he has a nice voice and the lyrics were nice. hay, i'm turning into a hopeless romantic again! que scary!

realization ko for today: if there are no people who are distant, we wouldn't pay much attention to the concept of being close. oo na, malabo na.. pero naggets ko sha kasi ako yung gumawa.. sana may iba pang maka-gets..

wala na naman club meeting today.. bukas din wala.. naiinis ako.

i fought with my mom. she told me (for the nth time) to quit banaag.

i won't sacrifice my happiness for her satisfaction. i won't sacrifice banaag for anything. i won't quit. i'm not a quitter. if there's one thing that makes me happy, it's being with the family you love and that same family loving you back. mangyari na ang lahat ng dapat mangyari, i won't quit.

naiinis ako na lagi na lang ako hinahanapan ng mali. siguro kasi, wala naman shang mahahanap na tama sakin.

sandali nga! tigil muna sa pag-iyak! i've been crying since i got up!

i watched "crazy first love" and cried my heart out. the story was super sad.. and may quotable quotes pa!

"this is my heart, and i'm giving it to you. breathe and i will breathe. stop and i will stop."

"you have everything in the world. she's all i have."

leche! ayan na naman! hopeless romantic na naman ako! oh well.. gnyn tlga! pero the story was super nice. i couldn't help but wail as i read the subtitles. yes, it's a korean movie once again. the guy there is the guy in "my sassy girl".......

naiinis din ako dahil walang club ngayon. diba dapat 8am-3pm ako wala sa bahay ngayon? but why am i stuck at home? shit, hating this!!! buti na lang there's a monday meeting to save me. kung ndi ako payagan ng mom ko, i'll find a way to go to the meeting. leche naman oh! banaag na nga lang nagpapasaya sakin eh..

i got a text from mia this morning. wala lang daw. naisip nya lang ako.. MIA! IT'S BUGAW TIME! hay... mahal ko si mia kahit na lagi ko shang binubugaw! hehehe.. pero i'll miss her.. i'll miss banaag blue.

oh well. the day has just started for me. there's a lot more i have yet to experience.. i won't go out of the house though.. ayoko.

and one thing's for sure.. no matter how people try to stop me, i won't quit theatre. i won't lose my love for theatre.. and of course, i'll never quit banaag..

akala ko naman may kahit anong meaningful thing na mangyayari sa day na toh. i want every day to be extraordinary. kaso lang, walang significant events ngayon, kaya maghuhukay na lang ako ng lupa paglaki ko.

pero i'm happily reading jow's blog. i happily YM-ed with den, jow, and chic (kahit c chic nag-logout na)... point being, banaagers make me happy, at miss ko na mag-club. leche talaga, walang meeting ng 8am-3pm ngayon!

bawi sa monday.. 3pm-5pm. ndi ako pinayagan ng mom ko, but i'll find a way to attend.

shit, i'm tamad to work on the lab report in bio and the reflection paper in c.l.. well at least madali lang yung sa c.l.. i can get away with any writing task --- as long as i'm writing in english!! when i write in tagalog, the whole world goes to hell. imagine all the essays in my filipino quizzes!! i flunked some of them due to horrible filipino grammar and spelling and choice of words. what can i do? i'm not good in tagalog, but at least i'm trying, diba?

hay,, i'm inis that the french tongue didn't reach our generation. tita cynthia knows french and taught me some french when i was little. those days are gone! i'm back to good old english and tagalog that needs total rewiring! the french dictionary is still with me though. it's just that the pronunciation is super hard!

commercial: my brother wrote a song for his girl. hehe.. how can second graders have girlfriends while i don't have a love life in second year?

hay, what kind of life is this? naiinis na ko ah..

speaking of ravings about music, i found old mp3 cds of the stuff i downloaded before. my gosh, my world DOES revolve around music and performing. just don't make me dance and life would always be good.

onga pala! teacher dan is still in stardance! haha! people, vote for him!

i want to learn how to dance. naiinis ako that there are good dancers who don't know how to sing, and awesome singers who got two left feet. worse, actors who don't know how to act but call themselves "actors!" sana i can do all of those things with much expertise! kaso lang, i have nothing. sana lang a miracle happens!

for now, wala na lang muna. but in the future, i'll make it big! so move over, everyone! haha.. libre mangarap!

inaantok lang siguro ako..

ang tagal mag-bukas! sunday pa rin hanggang ngayon! gusto ko na mag-monday para may club meeting ng recess and lunch time.. kainis nga wala nang dismissal time eh.. i need the banaagers' hugs pa naman.. for some strange reason, naiiyak na naman ako ngayon. when will i ever learn?

gusto ko ng bac-o's tapos ng ceasar salad.

i know i should be doing the reflection paper, but it's okay. there's still later. extra joss na lang kapag inaantok na! tapos may filipino project shit pa.. hay! mamaya na lahat yan! blog muna! sama mo na rin ang mp3 cd na puno ng music.. kung wala akong ganun, ndi ako buhay..

hmmmm.. what else? i've been online since friday night! hehe,, this p.c is going to be MINE! kidding! oh well, kaagaw ko pa rin si ate.. minsan si poj, but i'm cool with it! as long as i'm the one using most of the time, i'll die happy.

nothing happened today too! boring ang buhay..

cuz i am barely breathing..

ui! i remember duncan sheik! hehe,, i remember when he called up my aunt and my grandmother was the one who answered the phone.. like, sana ako na lang, noh!?

my gosh, why am i typing all these things? i have no idea, but i'll stick to typing.. better than doing homework! i'm bad, i'm underachieving, but i'm happy. i'm a crammer, and proud of it! because i'm a quality crammer! yes i am!

obviously, i'm bored to death. not to mention sleepy!

senti mode na naman ako! kainis kanina, pagtingin ko sa 1st floor, parang walang laman. nag-ggrad practice na yun seniors. like i said, i'll have 14 less hugs come next school year. ang sad..

half day kami today, but i blogged only now cuz my mom left the house.. alam nyo naman mga magulang, ndi maintindihan ang konsepto ng pagbblog! hehe,, eh bakit ba? i'm happy with my blogging life! i type, and whoever wants to read may read. i don't want to tell stories to people who won't listen, that's why i'm giving them the option to read if they want to.

"i'm here nothing will harm you. my words will warm and calm you."

today was filled with tears. sir jeff is leaving. he wants to study full-time. and he made a letter for us. i learned three things:
1. don't discriminate
2. seize the day
3. fight for it

what's amazing is that we have the same perception of saying "goodbye" therefore we don't prefer saying it. totoo naman eh. the word means you'll never meet again in this lifetime. that's why i don't want to say it. instead, i say "see you soon" or "till we meet again" but never "goodbye."

next came bio period. the lab report, long test, and practical test results were given out. then came a white paper which was being distributed. when they were handed out to us, the class was surprisingly silent, reading the contents of the paper with much interest. we all burst into tears afterwards. ms delfin gave a speech, then we ended the period with smiles and tears.

the best ang tissue to the rescue! pero kapag homeroom na, itapon lahat ng tissue na yan! hehehe...

recess was fun too! we ate the cake that ms romero gave us. it was chocolate cake! yum! it was good! thanks, ms romero!

corny na yung next periods, so yun. everything was going quite well until english period came. the exam (play prod) results were given out. ms reyes called me and talked to me because of the results. ayun, she wasn't expecting that daw. tapos she asked how i felt towards the group. well, i told her honestly that i was "off" with our group. they didn't like my o.c ways of leading. i learned proper theater (and working in general) disciplines and i guess they don't quite get it. banaag and playshop formed me. they didn't have that privilege. so i guess that's why they became lax. kaya nga i didn't attend most of the meetings na after eh.. i knew that nothing would happen anyways. kaya nga sa peer evaluation, may binigyan ako ng zero, ng 4, ng 10, ng 11.. kasi ayoko ng working style na ganun -- because that's not even called "work."

LET'S MOVE ON BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH DOESN'T DESERVE ANY ATTENTION!

during dismissal time i waited for jow. while i was waiting for her, i saw shobe and she called me "dolly" like she always does. after that, it hit me... when will i say "mama, mama, ikaw ba ang mama ko?" again?

then i thought, i guess i'd always say it. this year, one of my best highlights was "tau-tauhan" cuz that's one thing that made me closer to banaag. thru the rehearsals and the grueling work, i saw the meaning of "family" in banaag. i found my "supahfriends!" thru jow and jussell and jelyn and tal and aya and dartz and navs. and i found my "mama" thru mama. my villains were not villains after all, when you look beneath the costumes. there's pam and aiu and laura and reg and chic and niña and kat. and shempre, with the great minds of gaye and lebs, who wouldn't be thankful?

i'm happy that second year came. i read b.a's blog and he's right. turning point nga ang sophomore year. it's where you find your light. it's where you get rid of the things you that you don't want in you. i thought this time would never come. i thought i wouldn't accept the situation i'm in.. kaso lang, i learned to love it din. hay, life..

i know i should be studying, but i just can't.. i'm too senti to do so.. hehe..

tang ina.. tama na ang iyak!

hiyesss! two more exams and i'm done with half of high school! i love life! well, actually, i don't completely love life, but i'm great!

i hated filipino more than i hated math. math was fine except for the third word problem. filipino was just ass! there was this part wherein you have to interpret the stanzas of florante and laura.. i was like, in my seat, with ms vem as proctor, muttering to myself, "putang ina! fuck! shit! tagalog!" every five seconds. i don't know if the people around me heard all the curses, but i bet they were doing the same thing!

so tomorrow's the social studies exam and i won't go to school. friday's the bio and c.l exams.. i'll study for them tomorrow.

then after friday, the life i've been waiting for will officially begin! i'm not sure yet if i'll go to the ii-6 party or if i'll go straight home and be a good girl. inaantok kasi ako eh..

yesterday nga, i slept for 13 hours! i went home before 1pm, slept at 1-6pm, then had dinner and did some internet jobs (YM, email, friendster, blog, download)... then went back to bed at 9pm, and then woke up at 5am. where's the studying for exams part? well, let's say i missed out on that.. cool ako eh! tamad to study!

oh! funny, on the way home, i saw a sign at commonwealth ave. it said:
BAWAL TUMAWID! NAKAKAMATAY!
donated by: Tajuna Funeral Homes, Inc.

*********************************************

naisip ko lang, i'm excited that school would be over soon. kaso lang, blue batch won't be there come next school year.

tapos naisip ko din, school may be hell, but banaag could make heaven out of it.

puede na kong gumawa ng pick-up lines! haha! kidding!

*********************************************

playshop season is about to start! i can't wait!

shets! may i just say, mahal na mahal na mahal ko ang voice ni sarah brightman! i envy her voice! hay... why does my voice break all kinds of glass?

i looooooooove music more than anything. but people i love would always go beyond the boundaries of my love for my music.

a new world calls across the oceaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn!

hehe.. wala lang! i'm listening to music still. there's sarah brightman, songs for a new world, andrew lloyd webber, jason robert brown, you're a good man charlie brown, a seemingly endless list! there's first name (yes b.a, i have an mp3 cd after all.. ngayon ko lang nahanap), last 5 years.. the usual.. i don't think i have to add or else people will die listening to this litany..

been on friendster for the past hour or so. edited my profile.. cool ako eh! hehehe..

by the way, b.a inquired about the summer stock class at playshop. ayun nga, 6-9pm, everyday, under sir jaime del mundo. my gash! there are qualifications pala!
*resume
*at least 2 years workshop experience
*there's an edge if you've taken up advanced class
*some theater experience
*passing the audition..

so, i already have a resume (if in case i lost it, there'll be time to make a new one!), i've spent 4 years in playshop (which means more than 2 years workshop experience), i've taken up two of those playshop years in the advanced class, i got theater experience thru playshop showcases and thru banaag performances (which are viewed by over a thousand if the play is required!).... all i need is to pass the audition!

if in case my mom says she can't enroll me, i'll get money that i saved and enroll myself. if no one offers to take me to shang everyday at 6pm-9pm, i'll take public transportation. so i have ways to back myself up if there are any hindrances. i want to join summer stock if i pass the audition! i have to be there! i don't want to go to a basic class! i must have talent. God, shower me with talent before the audition! hehe.. if i've already been showered with talent, may i discover what has been showered upon me and use it to pass the audition!

age range is 12-25 daw.. so, nung freak days pala parang summer stock na kami! youngest was gab (who is now proudly 13) and the wisest one was.. hmm.. i dare not say it.. baka patay na ko bukas if i say it! but we were MTG then.. advanced class, but not summer stock.. not a class, but a family..

i can't wait for april 4 to come! must get my dose of great theater! plus the banaag workshop (hoping blue batch people would be there too!)... nothing could go wrong this summer!

*for the next ten lifetimes, for a billion summers.. till the world explodes!*

another song? yeah.. may reklamo?

anak ng keyboard! nawala yung entry ko!! oh well.. that's life!

i like my YM stat.. hehehe..

oh! by the way, the title of this entry is something i got from lebs' blog.. ang cute! hehe.. lalo na kapag sabihin nya yan! hehe.. hay, i'll miss lebs so much.. super laughtrip nya, pero she has a side din na ma-drama.. kaya sobrang saya nya maka-bond! lebs! if ever you're reading this, mahal kita! YM pa rin ah!

i studied a bit for bio today.. mamaya the yung iba.. magpupuyat na lang ako since i've been having the opposite of insomnia.. i slept for 13 hours the other day and 13 hours again today! yipes! in just two days, 26 hours yung tulog ko! talk about batugan!

i watched half of "the classic" today.. ganda.. hehe.. astig.. the girl was dilapidating her violin.. patayin ko sha eh! hehehe..

hay! been spending the day singing also! (like, i don't do it everyday?!).. i'm practicing my voice for the summer stock auditions! sana talaga i pass! if i don't who will? (shit! footloose days! i still can't believe franz did reverend shaw!)

i'm doing voice chat with hannah! wala lang.. skype rocks!

tapos ka-ym ko si b.a at kanina ka-ym ko si mama.. sabi ni b.a pumayat na daw ako! yehey! happy thought for the day! yehey! it's official! pumayat na ko since last june! thanks sa mga taong nag-aafirm.. mahal ko kayong lahat!

so may bio exam pa tomorrow.. cool ako eh.. mag-aaral ako later! yung c.l exam, mag-aaral ako sa recess tomorrow..

may new word for the day ako: masigasig.. it means hardworking daw.. thanks for the new word, mama ana fe!

i really want to speak french. i don't remember french anymore.. sayang.. cool na sana ako!

i hate this.. i keep on switching from filipino to english. i'll use english instead. if i keep on using filipino, this entry will be nonsense, i tell you!

so, tomorrow's the last day of school, and everyone's having this year-ender entry thing going on. i don't think i'll make myself one of those.. tributes are nice, but not all the time. i've been thanking God non-stop for what i have. therefore, i think He knows how much everything means to me. with that in mind, i need not write to the public about how i feel when the school year comes to a close. i'll just take comfort in the fact that everything happened, and i'm thankful that they did happen.

anyways, i shall get ready for tomorrow.. bag, check! bio stuff, check! c.l. handouts, check! and of course, mountains of tissue!

just a thought.. memories like doing cartwheels in the classroom, standing ovations during bio period, and munching over anything and everything at the ii-6 poste are only sweet when you think of the people with whom you made those memories.. it's not the things you do.. it's who you do it with..

the same goes with banaag, with the freaks, with the fooloosers, with cinco, and with all the people i love.. memories aren't to be cherished when you don't think of the people who created those memories with you..

so,, to quote lebs, "WOORIHOO!" vacation is less than 24 hours away!

at long last! hello naman! when i got to the katipunan area today it was super clear! the roads were filled with air! there were cars, but only a few. in less than 30minutes i was able to reach school. and for the first time during the school year, i was beaming with delight as i walked to the caf. last day of school came and went, and yes! i'm happy..

i'm watching the video clips in maya's cd.. maya, thanks for the cd! it brightened up my day today! lalo na the video clips of sir jeff and ms delfin.. wala lang!

jow and i did a sweet deed today. we saw urk (tine's car) and left a note. we made a note with our "i miss you's" and "i love you's".. we then slid it to the left wiper.. i texted mia a few hours later, and she said that they saw it daw! yey! kaso lang it got wet by the rain.. but still, mommy time kept it!

woorihoo! --hi lebs!

i think that among the bazillion mchs students, jow and i are two of the,, hmm... let me rephrase that.. i guess we are the only people who didn't go out today.. we are believers that it doesn't matter what you do.. what matters is who you do it with.. kaya we're non-class party people.. ndi lang kami makaka-relate. oh well.. iba na ang may sariling mundo..

however, i managed to YM (oo na, cheap na ko!) ii-6.. with the message, "hey ii-6! wala lang! wala ako sa class party! hehe,, anyways, basta, remember that life is measured in heart-time and not in real-time.. it's not how long you've been together.. it's HOW you made the most out of the time you're together.. it's not about the memories you made.. it's the people who created those memories with you! here's to a great summer and the best junior year to ever approach the planet! love you all! God knows how much i'll miss you!"

so for now, i shall sit back, relax, watch movies, watch korean soaps (thanks to my sister!), read books, buy books, and workshop, and playshop. i'm soooo looking forward to the days that will go by!

but then again, moving on to third year would mean new burdens.. and wala nang blue batch na sobrang mahal ko..

oh well, like i said, moving on means meeting new people to love..

i take comfort though in the fact that....

HALF OF HIGH SCHOOL HAS ENDED!

edges are blurring all around and yesterday is done...

i didn't blog yesterday.. oo na,, gago na ko..

i spent the day writing the report for the dismissal case eklat.. kaya chic, cool tayo! may liwanag na ang buhay! yehes! liwanag sa dilim!

hmmm.. what else??...

i YM-ed with mama last nyt.. grad na nila today at 4:30.. jow and i were planning to go but then again we'd only get hurt.. hay. life.. going back, ayun, she was online with me while i finished that damned report.. okay lang kahit ganun ang life.. basta gift ng banaag sa banaag blue yung report na yun.. dahil wish nila na wala nang tumataas na altapresyon.

totoo pala na it's hard to make a sad person smile. but when the person smiles already, it's like an achievement because what you just did involved a lot of hard work.

i like the rewards of making people smile. it gives me the assurance that i know how to love. it makes me feel elated. i feel that i am someone significant. i may not be significant in everyone's lives, but to a selected few, i thankfully am.

at the same time, i like the rewards of making people cry. i don't make them cry because they're hurt. i make them cry out of the things i do, the things i write, and the things i say. wala man akong scoreboard, i have achieved this already. and i tell you, when people shed tears of joy out of the things you do, the feeling is just priceless.

ang hirap mag-type ng highfalutin tagalog!

naka-YM ko din c pat. i miss pat so much! we have to go out! pero i must say, ang saya ko cuz i was pat and the bench people nung soph night.. kahit epal ako sa bench, thankful pa rin ako for them..

********************************************
i noticed that the things i previously said lacked substance. there was absolutely no wit! we need a resolution.

and here's the resolution.

alis na ko!

so today's the first weekday without school. for the first time last night, i wasn't worrying of what deadlines i shouldn't miss, what project is due when, what reflection paper should be submitted, lab report, long test, quiz, and the whole shebang to fill up our minds with emotional stress and our bodies with weaker systems.

i had a dream last night that i was held hostage then i got killed. hmmm.. what if that happens kaya?

yesterday's the grad of the blue batch. malaya na silang umiyak ngayon! yey!

i'm listening to the songs from "you're a good man, charlie brown." hehe.. ang cute! hmmm.... this is a good "upper" for today.. kailangan ko ng pang-alis ng depression without using sedatives. plus! i don't want to make myself happy by using a lollipop or anything that has to do with food because my prom will be in a year's time!

i'll kiss today with music and books and movies. life could be much better, but there's no playshop yet to show me that. and there's no banaag workshop either. sana mag-start na lahat!

while taking a bath yesterday, i was thinking of all the graduation ceremonies that took place yesterday, then i started singing "our time" from merrily. yes, i am a certified shower singer and i'm super proud of it. i love the bathroom.. it's my music place aside from the p.c.. anyways, i love the song.. it has a fresh aura. parang, you're closing a book and looking for a new book to attack. like ending something in search for a new beginning. i love my music because it has meaning. yung mga rocker people jan and the pop people and the rap people, their songs hardly make sense.

suddenly remembered one of my conversations with jow (dahil lagi ako nasa bahay nila at freeloader ako sa bus nila! hehe).. we were talking about how we changed since banaag. basta when we entered banaag, we felt like we were almost the same age as the pink, blue and yellow batches so parang ka-level lang namin sila. but now, we feel much younger. now, we look up to the people in banaag. now we have a mama (hi mama!), we have a god (hi lebs!), and we have elder sisters who make sure we're okay. on the other hand, there are a bunch of people younger than we are, and i hope that they look up to us too (eew! unimaginable for someone to look up to me.. baka ma-b.i lang yung kung sino man na gumawa nun!)..

notice i haven't been blogging much about ii-6.. well, truthfully, at first i was distant, then i became close, then toward the end i became distant again cuz one problem nga nila is the inability to separate friendship from work. pero God knows i'll miss sophomore year like i miss freshman year, but nothing beats seventh grade and third grade!

"sucking your thumb without a blanket, is like eating a cone without ice cream." -my blanket and me, you're a good man charlie brown.
banaag without the blue batch is exactly like that!

i've heard of good actors from the incoming blue batch though. but i still think that no one compares to the 1/3 of banaag composed of only one batch!

oh well, life goes on for the rest of us. to quote what mama said, "you'll get used to it, but i know you'll never forget."

so for now i'll kiss the "almost perfect" day, and try my best to cheer myself up ------ without getting fat!

wala pa rin akong soundtracks galore!

sige na! gift nyo! hehehe.. soundtracks ng:
*rent
*once on this island
*into the woods
*pippin
*big
*chess
*chorus line
*chicago
*company
*dreamgirls
*phantom
*fame
*flower drum song
*tick tick boom
*jekyll and hyde
*urinetown

and other things that you might suggest. hehe..

i want music! i want a fresh dose of new music i can listen to.. ang boring na ng buhay!! grarrrr......

crap! i'm transforming..

pat and i were in YM kanina.. we're planning a movie marathon full of cheesy movies like korean movies.. hehe.. cool kami eh!

then we thought about bagoong ice cream and chicharon ice candy plus vinegar ice candy and beer ice candy. para daw inumin and pulutan in one! hehehe..i love you, pat!!

i was also YM-ing mama.. senti moments.. hay... pero yung iba ndi senti..

i was also YM-ing jow.. cool kami eh! hehehe.. hoi kc!

my life revolves around the people who YM.. masaya! because i'm such a bum today.

bums in canada get $800 a month so that they won't steal. sana bum na lang ako in canada..

i got a testimonial from lebs today. awww... lebs, mahal din kita! belat, ndi pa ko graduate! hehe..

my butt hurts. i've been sitting here since like 9:30a.m!
my throat hurts. need voice rest before the audition!
my heart hurts.. hehe,, joke lang!

hay. here i go again..

sigh.. i'm in like with constantine maroulis.. perfect eh! musician na cute na the best yung voice!! exactly what i'm looking for!

oh gods, oh gods, hear my prayer! i'm here in the fields with my feet on the ground and my fate in the air.. waiting for life to begin!

i soooooooo can't wait for playshop! i know there's a little less than 2 weeks still for me to be in agonizing anticipation, but it's hard to keep on waiting! because..... a new world calls across the oceaaaaannnn...

i found teacher chari's blog yesterday.. hehe.. she asking if i'll join summer stock... now who's nervous?! yipes! so, through grinding teeth and shaking lips, i said that i'll try to get in..

listening to "only time" by enya.. hay, soothing! it makes me want to stop and close my eyes but i can't cuz i'm blogging!

like all the other summer days that have gone by, i have nothing to do today.. well, i guess the sims 2 would save me, but here's to hoping i'll have something productive to do! still, i can't wait for playshop to start. from then on, i'm sure summers will be fun and mighty busy but well worth every heartbeat.

it's kainis that i'm known in class for my acting prowess (if i possess such a thing, that is) and my voice (or the lack of a good one perhaps?). i'm more than just an aspiring (?) singer/actress.. above all those i'm a person with a heart, who knows how to love and values relationships more than work or talent. oh well, all is done, and life is still good.

jow and i have this "kc and bebs" account in friendster (because of mia's fans! haha! and because jow and i are inseparable!). mia messaged us and was startled with the picture! haha! like, woorihoo! haha! of course, iba na ang idol! wehehe..

anyways, shall scram now. to those who've been reading my blog, don't forget my entry on the soundtracks i want! i'll be waiting! yey!

naks, holy week na. i got a message from niña.. happy holy week daw. malabo, but i get her point.

the banaag officers' meeting didn't push through today cuz maraming ndi pinayagan. oh well. pero ndi ko issacrifice yung banaag for holy week. teka nga.. anu nga b issacrifice ko? hmmm.. sacrifice ko na lang na ndi lumabas ng house! dahil i haven't been out of the house since monday. yuck, i'm such an ass.. hayaan nyo, magpapapayat na ko! (connect?!) oh well, basta, watch out, world! when i get out of here, bwehehehehe.. right. and just when i thought i'll be staying home, my mom tells me we're going to good old tagaytay tomorrow. grrrr...

i miss club meetings. oi, summer na! workshop na tayo! para fun! chka,, miss ko na eh.. banaag blue, visit pa rin kayo ah! hehehe..

magtext c mia this morning! idol! bwahaha! kc and bebs, everybody happy!

wow, did i just say everything in filipino? oh well, things change.. people change, and i'm a part of that.

que fun, pat and i were making testimonials yesterday because we had nothing to do. when i found her profile, i saw a testimonial in french. i tried to translate, but i was only able to do a few. hay, i'm forgetting. life's hard.

pat and i are planning a movie marathon still. gusto namin ng korean movies and disney movies. pero parehong bahay namin ndi available. kaya maghhoard na lang kami ng ibang place. can't wait!

oooooh. playshop starts in 12 days! oh my gosh, the agony!! ang tagaaaaaal mag-start! tapos april 11 pa yung banaag workshop magsstart! so in conclusion, summer hasn't started for me yet! then like tradition dictates, my mom told me that if i don't fix my room, she won't enroll me in playshop. kaya before the season starts, i always make my room sparkle. hehe..

anyways, i miss banaag. todohan! oh! and i loooove our club pic except for a major tragedy at down off-center right. *cue BLACKOUT*

i love you, banaagers!

so, there.. see the distraction? wehehe.. i guess i do know how to love after all. i guess that all the angst in the beginning ended well. i think i already absorbed the concept of moving on, and i'm slowly getting used to it. yey! i'm growing up!

speaking of growing up,

happy 17th birthday, mama!

yey! you're older than me now!

love much,

dolly!

replies to tags:

lebs: kahit anu pang kunin mo dito, ayos lang! bwehehe.. miss na kita! ndi ka na nag-yym!

mama: ah, so matino yan? hehe.. kidding! love you too!!

rashmi: wala akong sinabi ah! sinabi ko lang magpapapayat ako! bwehehe..

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BLOG!

hay, so there.. just when i said i wanted to stay home, we went to tagaytay.

first we had breakfast. it was okay.. not really to-die-for but more of can-live-with-or-without-it.. 

it was suuuuuuper boring! my sister and my brother swam while the rest of us played badminton (because swimming is not for me yet. when i lose weight, it's time..)... ayun.. i played a little lang because i really wasn't in the mood for anything. i'd rather be online or at home lang talaga.. so while they were playing, i plugged earphones to my ears and listened to my discman while reading a book. now THAT's comfort in the absence of internet!

we had lunch naman. like, damn! i went to tagaytay mainly to eat? leche.. it was sooooooo boring and frustrating that i didn't have anything to do! after lunch though, i saw pam yson in the same place where i was.. wala lang! aliw to feel comfort through the hug she gave me when we saw each other. i miss banaag.. i miss the banaagers. i'm soooo waiting for life to begin!

we spent the afternoon with total boredom. wala akong magawa! as in wala! it was super traffic in tagaytay and there was absolutely nothing to do! i slept in the car for countless hours while they all did their stuff.. thank God i brought my discman. kung nde, ewan ko na lang! i might have been found dead on the roads of tagaytay.. siguro form of sacrifice na din yun. thank God i'm still alive.

before we headed for home sweet home here in manila though, we went to this newly-opened place in tagaytay. 3 days old pa lang daw sha (4 na ngayon!).. then i saw teacher jun o. there (from playshop 2002).. hehe..

then we had dinner.. i had salad (cuz i didn't want any food trip yesterday).. then ate phoebe made me eat the apple pie with her. oh well, the perks of dieting. leche..

after long, gruleing hours of nothingness, i finally went home! i hate that i didn't go online though. i was too tired and sooo not in the mood for anything.

kaya today, i watched a movie and watched t.v and now i'm online and soon i'll play the sims2.. btw, just got news that b.a won't be playshopping anymore. sad, but i'll learn to accept. so far, ako na lang ang kilala ko na mag-aaudi for summer stock. kaya i'm suuuuuuuper nervous!! not only because of the auditions, but because i have new people to meet, because i dunno anyone else auditioning.. yung mga pine-pressure ko to audition joined basic classes! in the end, ako bigla yung na-pressure to audition! oh well, there'll be a session with the freaks on tuesday. i'll wait for that!

so now all i have to do is kiss tonight and wait for tomorrow. bumming is definitely not for me when the summer hits.

today, another banaager gets a year older! oh my!!!! hahaha! so, here's to the debut of the prettiest and dearest darlingest snake in the world..

happy birthday, niña!

love you much much much! 

i know i should be asleep, but i felt like i had to release.

my sister and i watched "madrasta" at abscbn tonight. upon watching, we can't help but point out some mind-boggling ideas involved in the film.

we can't believe that there are really some stepmoms who seem to care. i mean, based on experience (oh crap, what the heck if she gets to read this?!), they hardly pay any attention. ang labo to see a stepmom who's so caring and affectionate. i wish i had one of those. pero, oh well.. i can't change her for my sake. matuwa na lang ako that i have a surplus of parents.

tapos there was a part when one of the kids were told to tuck the shirt. hehe.. only in the philippines is there such a thing as "tuck out.." like, "wag mo nga i-tuck in yung t-shirt mo! i-tuck OUT mo!".. hehe.. here i go again.. i know a big part of me is pinoy, but well, there's this thing with language talaga that gets me everytime.. parang, "what have i DID?" hehehe.. ang sama ko, but cut the crap.. it does happen. no matter how much we say that filipinos are the best english speakers in asia, we just can't avoid making mistakes. i know i'm not perfect when it comes to speaking fluent english, and i do speak unbearable tagalog.. but i do try to think not just twice about my grammar before i let words out of my mouth. i don't speak carelessly.

oh, here i go again with the language hooplah.. need not rub it in, but i'll try to get used to it..

news got in that the banaag officers have a meeting next week. when, on TUESDAY! hay, of all the days of next week when i'd be free, it just had to be tuesday. puede naman sana ako ng monday or wednesday or thursday or friday.. but no! it just had to be tuesday. but since i love the banaagers, i'll make the necessary adjustments.

man, this summer couldn't get any busier! what more when playshop season starts? for sure, front-of-house na naman ako in banaag's season opener. it's hard to juggle rehearsals in may. lalo na now that i'm planning to pass summer stock. paano pa kaya next year, if sipagin ako to take review classes? i don't think they'd be of any help, but since some people claim that they do help, well... playshop pa rin! bwahahahaha!!

i'm such a sucker for theater. i'll skip anything to perform.. 

been listening to my music again. hay,, life is boring, but i have music to save me..

i like hase's ym status.. hehe.. lyrics of "waiting for life"....... i loooooooooove that song and all the songs in once on this island. kaya whoever has a golden heart and would burn me a copy, no one's stopping you!

there's absolutely nothing to do this coming week. well, yeah, there's a banaag officers' meeting, and there's a freak family thing also.. but other than that, i can't think of anything i'll spend time on..

YM-ing with mama right now.. we're on senti mode.. hay, i feel tears forming and ready to fall! we're trying to imagine life without banaag. so far, wala kaming ma-squeeze out.. oh well!

oh no.. must not let tears fall yet. i don't think this is the right time.. people at home might see me.. yipes!

life today would've been boring if not for this convo.. all i did today was play the sims and read blogs that haven't been updated..

at tinatamad na din ako mag-blog for tonight cuz there's nothing really interesting about my life right now.. 

so the freak meeting has been moved to wednesday due to my tuesday meeting. special talaga ko! hehe,, thanks a bunch, kuya macky! i'm sooooooo excited!

banaag officers' meeting tomorrow.. pero bea, jussell and mama are asking if they could be there also.. hehe,, chic, ayos lang ba? the more the manier naman diba?

conference with jussell and jow and bea kanina.. fun fun! then, now, conference with jow and keavy.. nyerkz.. my life depends on ym? at the same time, i'm in a ym session with bea.. asteg!

who's dorky? haha.. i got into a conversation last night involving logic.. alam nyo naman ako, i'm such a logic lover.. but i create a lot of logical fallacies because i tend to overanalyze. cool ako eh..

my mom didn't approve of the summer stock sked.. i'll ask her again when her bf gets home.. that way, she'll find it hard to decide.. yes! haha,, i didn't work on my resume for nothing.. i didn't spend 2 years with teacher chari to go to a basic class this year. i'm not putting myself on a high level.. i'm just pointing out that it's not usual for someone to go from advanced to basic. i haven't lost touch yet..

hay, ang tagal mag-april 4! i want to start na!

woorihoo! 

God, i love being different!

see, another ym conference popped tonight but i didn't join because i think it's going to be a waste of time. turns out, naging topic pa ko! they were talking about how o.c i am and how i complain a lot. how'd i know? well, let's just say, my radar is THAT efficient. yes, i do admit that i complain all the time. i ask questions all the time. and i'm proud that i do that even if i tend to piss off people. i love being the bitch i am. i love being the educated fucking intelligent bitch with much talent to boot.

was talking to jow tonight. bonding session! wala lang. we fixed some stuff. we talked about some stuff.. basta, the whole thing's quite juicy actually..

*commercial: to show the geek in me, i just researched in the internet as to where the term "ultimate bonding experience" also known as "UBE" originated. there might be people claiming kasi as to who created it and stuff.. wala lang.. so far, i haven't been successful. all i see in the results are blogs around the philippines!*

going back, jow, i'll always be here when you need me. i will NEVER trade you for some bitch who's sooooo flirty. education matters.. boy-crazy people who get D's in their report cards have no place in this world. i don't care if i get to hit anyone, but cut the crap, if you're hit, then your personality needs a major fix.

i admire the strength of character of mikalah gordon. i mean, she's always seen as someone bubbly and super cheerful and all that shit.. and she still is her same self even after she got eliminated at american idol. i may be wrong (cuz those who laugh the loudest cry the hardest, right?).. but i still like how she stands tall amidst the people trying to break her.

however, i don't find anything wrong in crying, too. in fact, i don't care if i cry in public or anything. as long as i feel like doing so, and as long as i know i have a reason to do so, then there's no stopping me.

i hate that i have to explain myself to others everytime. i complain because i want order. i rant because i want change. i blow my top off because i'm not satisfied. i hate upstagers. i hate unprofessional people. i hate people who do not know how to understand the least complicated things. i hate people who submit to conformity. i hate people who are plastic. i hate posers. i hate flirts. i hate flirts who get D's in their report cards. i hate flirts who are silent around boys but are very boisterous after soirees. i pity her for being uneducated. maybe where she comes from is trash. and the people around her are trash as well.

i know a lot of people who were put down today. i talked to most of them. and well, let's just say, i told them to be strong but if they want to feel weak, they're still free to do so.

like ate joy said, i'm a BITCH. a Babe In Total Control of Herself.

so back off,, soccer playing, basketballer, singer, flirt!

and back off, everyone else who's just as stupid.

ang tamaan, malas. hindi ko na problema yun. 

today's one of the few days that i'm out of the house. i went to shang. hehe.. i missed my home so much.. 5th year ko na this year! i'm soooo happy! well, here's to praying that my mom allows me to take up advanced. if not, i'll cry as loud as the hell i want!

there MIGHT be a banaag gathering tomorrow.. er, technically, it's today already since it's 2:06 am.. nag-plan sila jussell and lebs. but i'm not sure if it will push through.. if ever it will, have fun na lang.. i'm not going eh.. the freak family is waiting, and i have an audition to pass.. haha.. dream on, pauline!

anyways, i've been living with rage since yesterday. bakit kaya? oh well.. haha! i don't seem to care anymore. there's this song in Rent entitled "take me or leave me"... nice song.. suits my mood a lot!! thanks to the geniuses behind Rent, i'm still sane.. well, i don't really know the grounds for insanity, but i think i'm still sane so all's well..

woopeedoo! i can't wait for my summer to start!

i loooooved seeing banaagers during the banaag officers' meeting.. well, 4 officers lang nandun, then reg and tin went there na din. ayun. we planned on the events for next school year. i'm looking forward to the year that will be.. hehe.. sayang, laura and mama were supposed to drop by but they were late na.. hay, life goes on for the rest of us..

 i got picked up at chic's place.. todo bonding kami ni chic today! prom talks led to conversations about everything! sobrang daming topics! and i learned soooo much! i love you, chic! oi! issue! haha,, mia, panu ka na?! hahaha,, oh my gosh!

anyways, gabi na.. ay, umaga na pala.. 

hi to the people in ym!! hi laura, mama, ate binky and aika! love you! 

officially it's march 31 now.. crap, it's 3am already!

the family meeting was great! there was gab, b.a, ilsa and kuya macky.. oh my gosh, i soooooo missed the eastwood headquarters! got there at 12 pa lang yata, then left at 7:20p.m.. i don't think i was there for quite long though.. cuz well, i enjoyed every minute!

the moment i got to kuya macky's place, he gave me cd's!! i mean, holy kamote, how could i not be happy? i was given RENT and ONCE ON THIS ISLAND! hee.. wala lang.. i spent a lot of time downloading songs, and they're always kulang! now i'm feeling great! yey!! hehe.. i also got another cd.. it's a selection of broadway stuff i might like.. the highlight? a minus one track of "for good!" hehe.. i'm sooooo touched! thanks a lot, kuya macky!! you're the best big bro ever!

then he coached me.. hee.. yey! i tried to improve using that minus one track and his great piano! gawsh, he has a Wicked book! beside that pa is his L5y book! hay, if only i knew how to play an instrument.. anyways, he said i still had a lot of inhibitions.. i was aware of that naman, but i needed the assurance din.. after a few corrections, i tried again. and yey! i did improve! but i wasn't confident enough still! well, yeah, i lack confidence.. i don't seem to own my voice. i tend to anticipate the high notes kasi so i tend to crack at times. kaya, ayun.. will work on it though. however, after the technicals, we worked on emotions. he said i didn't have that much of a problem with emotions because i can cry in just a snap. hehe.. tear-manufacturer!

then b.a came and ilsa came and the last one was gab! gab was the one who left first nga lang.. hehe.. ayun, so they were given cd's also, and gab was given the book and score of wicked as a grad gift! haha! gab got dark, and i'm soooooo inggit with her skin! b.a grew taller (heck, i was officially the smallest person in kuya macky's flat!) and ilsa is looking more well-rested.. hehe.. no one and nothing can kill her! kuya macky's still the same loving freak we all love.. hay..

we watched a bunch of stuff.. like the broadway documentary (part of the 1990's til the recent time lang cuz we'd obviously get bored with the earlier ones) and lilith fair and putting it together. ganda! hehe.. and there was a bootleg video of Wicked. tapang whoever took that video!

of course, b.a's the ever-corny freak pa rin. nothing's changed.. hehe.. b.a, PROCESS! tagal mag-load eh.. 

then b.a, ilsa and i bought ourselves the cd of Sybil. it's kuya macky's band together with his brother and a couple of friends... loooove the songs! especially the alanis medley and the man in the mirror and porch swing. i like their kind of music! and the voices are great!

and b.a gave me back na the first name cd! yey!

i got a loooooot of cd's today! i couldn't be any happier, but i think i could be.. cuz the cd's are nothing without the people who gave them. and today wouldn't be THIS happy if not for the freaks..

i missed you all sooooo much! and i'm missing you already!

i've devoted a big part of my life to music. i'm listening to Wicked again. hay! i'm such a freak for things like this. i have this newfound love for Wicked upon watching the broadway documentary thing.

during the coaching session yesterday though, kuya macky discovered that i'm not familiar with "defying gravity" yet. surprising cuz it's the most popular song in Wicked but as he was playing it in the piano, i wasn't singing. so we stuck to "i'm not that girl" and "for good" from wicked, then "still hurting" followed by "if i didn't believe in you" from l5y.. i was sooooooooooo enthralled by the piano playing, so i sang fearlessly.. it sound better nga if i feel it and if i set myself free from all the things that are keeping me limited.

upon watching idina menzel rehearsing "for good," i noticed that she made a few mistakes. then she corrected them and tried again, and it was flawless. so no matter how big or small an actor you are, you could commit mistakes too, and correct them. and the procedure is the same for both kinds of actors.

i saw a great learning in teacher chari's blog. she said, "I tell you... an artist is an artist... wherever you may be... however far gone in years you are." hay, started falling in love with being an artist, and i soooooo won't let go of it.

i want Wicked to be brought to the Philippines. i won't be ready to die until i play Elphaba.. *sings*popular.. i'm gonna be popular.. lar lar lar lar.. we're gonna make ME popu-lEr!*