a mind is very private..

i got home quite early.. have a lot of stuff to do though..

i just found out that our printer's out of black ink! how the heck am i supposed to print my pic for social studies?! hay, buti nalang tomorrow pa the submission..

sayang classes didn't get suspended today.. i know you're all thinking, "hay, pauline is so insensitive! not thinking of flood-affected people..." and all that crap.. so i'll modify the statement "i wish classes would get suspended because of the storm but no one should get hurt or lose a home or swim forever.." happy?

school was boring today.. i got REALLY SUPER sleepy cuz of the rain.. hehe.. bangag all day!

however, it was fun how i started the day right.. i mean, with the morning people in the usual table in the caf.. we talked about how jologs we were back then.. like in first grade or something.. particularly when it came to music! ugh! we remembered the spice girls, steps, backstreet boys, aqua, code red, 911, solid harmonie, all saints, the moffats, the hanson brothers.. an endless list! grabe, it was so fun, remembering all those.. i even made a 10-item jologs quiz!

oh! i also liked social studies today! sir jeff was so kulet! from teaching about the dynasties to cracking jokes, to telling university jokes, to dancing! yep! he danced! haha,, grabe, we were all so hyper kanina.. halatang ayaw mag-aral!

i'll skip.. all other subjects are not blog-worthy.. hehe.. boring eh..

auditions na tomorrow for the next banaag prod! hehe,, i dunno yet if i'll audition since it requires singing and dancing and acting.. you know i suck at those.. oh well..

had quite an ordinary day, except for the jologs music bit..

for now i'll study for tomorrow's math long test, study for the bio quiz, do the bio homework, do part of the social studies philosophy and get some rest..

there was a thought of the day in class today.. they were asking why the blackboard is green.. hehe,, i remember the article i made with guada in grade seven.. hehe.. while some staffers asked why the blackboard is green, we asked if the people inside mascots would still smile if their pictures are taken.. hehehe..

anyways, having gone through pauliworld, i was the only one who answered their question.. they asked, "why is the blackboard green?" i answered, "same reason why cowboys ride horses.."

i dunno if i'm right, but at least i provided an answer!

***kwento: set in my niece's house..

my 5-yr old niece and her mom were talking.. the usual "what did you do at school today" kind of talk..

niece: mommy! sabi ng teacher ko, smart daw ako!
her mom: really? wow naman!
niece: ibig sabihin ba nun, globe lahat ng classmates ko?***

hay, this is quite a stir.. haven't gone online for the longest time! short time lang nung thursday, (i didn't blog pa nga eh!) then i didn't go online on friday cuz it was my dad's birthday and we were at his house after school (with poj! hehe,, miracle!) and got home at 11pm.. ngayon naman, i'm free! (footloose memories flashing back!)

on thursday, the only significant thing was the auditions for the major play of banaag (theater club).. ayun.. i read excerpts from the script, then we were taught this dance, and i sang.. weird noh? wala lang.. i'm not sanay cuz the auditions i know would start with singing auditions, then a callback, and that's when you do the choreo and acting stuff.. wala lang.. kaso lang, in singing, na-flat ako and i felt horrible.. must be the result of the "almost daily" mini concerts here at home *kung buhay lang yung bahay, matagal na kong patay.. hehe,,*.. lozenges don't work well for me.. even after around 5 or 6 doses..

ay! may other main event pa pala! our filipino substitute teacher came to class for the 1st time.. if ever she gets to read this, malas nya! everyone finds her quite bad.. she's impolite eh.. you'd recite, then while you're reciting, she'd look outside, and when you're done talking, she'd go, "oh, tapos ka na? sino pa?!"..ugh..

friday, we passed the social studies project! hehe,, we had to do a philosophy and expound on it, and put a pic of us.. (wallet size pic yung smallest possible size).. while i was making it on thursday night, i was taking pix of myself and collected more pix of me and placed them in the comp.. i didn't know what pic to put (cuz i liked a bunch of them) so i made the other pix the borders of the thing.. hehe.. talk about vain!

oh! friday, there was a mass.. then the children's hour thingy.. funny, during the video presentation, an excerpt from my sister's commercial was there.. basta, the one wherein she was playing jump rope with a couple of other kids (yup, she was a kid then!).. part of the johnson's baby powder commercial! haha! wala lang.. weird nga eh.. my sister started doing commercials when she was 3, and she stopped when she was 12.. she came up with more than 20 commercials and appeared in print ads, magazines, newspapers, etc.. and all i came up with when i was a kid was the ONE commercial i did when i was 9.. hehe,, i got a lot of vtr's din when i was a kid, but i was shy.. ngayon, kung kelan wala nang offer, kumapal na mukha ko.. so, kwentong-buhay ba tayo? hehe.. *thinks of writing to "maalaala mo kaya".. bebenta kwento ko!*

anyways, i was with kat, navs, chic, jow, jelyn and jussell after school.. we were at the caf.. taking pics while talking.. auditions pa rin kasi at banaag, so we had nothing to do..

my sister picked me up and we went to shakeys katips.. then we went to my dad's place.. had dinner there.. my grandparents were there and so was my aunt.. and she brought a friend with her.. hehe.. my aunt works in abscbn and her friend is from gma7.. ayun.. then my aunt's friend asked if we (my sister, poj and i) want to become celebrities.. haha! no way.. then she gave poj chocolates..

then some bonding whatevers over t.v shows (watched whacked, waited for el gringo and el gringito (sp?) hehehe!)

then went home, dead tired! and dozed off..

today, woke up, took a bath, got dressed, had another bloodtest (i'l post a pic of my arm when i get to upload it na), had lunch, groceried, picked up poj, went home.. dinner, online, read blogs..

ate joy, i left comments in your blog! can't believe you finally updated! congrats! haha..

oh! i bought a copy of candymag today.. i always buy the september ish.. go figure.. anyways, freaks, kuya franco's there in the mag! hahaha.. wala lang..

pretty much how my life's been!

nicked from ate joy's blog.. pagbigyan nyo na.. i rarely get the drive to do things like this!

13 Random things you like
* my phone
* my blog
* the smell of rain
* the smell of new stuff (neatly wrapped ones especially!)
* books
* scripts
* new clothes! (shopping flattens my wallet almost every week!)
* being with freaks
* sleeping!
* watching plays (especially musicals!)
* singing
* the feeling you get when auditioning
* bumming while keeping myself busy

12 Good Movies:
most of these movies made me cry!
* the wedding planner
* princess diaries (1 and 2)
* hey arnold!
* i am sam
* max keeble
* monsters inc
* tru confessions
* our lips are sealed
* lilo and stitch
* stepmom
* child's play! (still scares me to death! haha!)
* cheaters

11 Good Bands/Artists
* akafellas! hehe..
* lea salonga
* all the freaks!
* jason robert brown (nahawa na ko! hehe,, freaks kasi eh..)
* my brother
* teacher chari!
darn, i'm running out of people to put in here!
* daisy and violet hilton (hey, they were performers, right?)
* the footloose people! (both from bluerep and playshop!) stop this nonsense! hehehe..
* banaag band
* trese band (sabi ni besa i'm joining daw! yey!)
* guys, you know who you are (hehe,, halatang walang malagay!)

10 things about me
* i get too attached to people that it takes more than a year for me to move on
* i cry a lot.. everyday, actually..
* i think a lot! not school-thinking.. reflecting on things kind of thinking
* the i.q test i took in school gave out these results: innate IQ:very superior; acquired IQ: below average
* i write a lot
* i sing whenever i want to.. yep, i lose my voice sometimes..
* the 1st time i got drunk was real bad, my friends thought i was dead!
* i value friendship a lot.. i still remember the friends i had in kindergarten!
* i remember a lot of events in detail (what people were wearing from head to toe, what exactly happened, exact dialogues, etc..) even if they happened 11 years ago!
*my life is so much of an open book..

9 Good Friends: *these are the best ones*
* aika
* pam
* inna
* pat
* ate joy
* kuya macky
* b.a
* gab
* grandmama

8 Favorite Food/Drinks: (can't help but indulge! but i'm dieting now)
* yogurt
* coke light
* sushi
* nerds!!
* shrimp
* go nuts donuts (shit, it's bawal!)
* fruits in ice cream (green tea flavor!)
* mango-nutella crepes..

7 songs that you can relate to:
* "someone like you" from jekyll and hyde
* "the internet is for porn" from avenue q
* "i'm not wearing underwear today" from avenue q.. joke lang! uhm,, replace it with "it sucks to be me" from avenue q
* "the next 10 minutes" from the last 5 years
* "grow old with you" by adam sandler (oh, memories.. crap)
* "who will love me as i am" from sideshow
* "i will never leave you" from sideshow

6 things/people that/who annoy me:
* people who stare
* those who form a circle to come look at a dead body in the streets.. tapos ayun, nakatingin lang sila, without doing anything to help..
* those who spread rumors
* UPSTAGERS!!
* boastful people
* people who can't carry an intelligent conversation..

5 things I touch everyday: (ugh! me and my green mind.. daddy franz! your spirit may be lurking! haha!)
* my phone
* the star that aika and i share..
* my kikay kit (facial wash, lip gloss, mirror, nail buffer, tissue, hanky, brush, headband, etc..)
* the computer
* the remote control of the t.v

4 shows I watch:
* that's so raven
* even stevens
* whacked
* strangebrew

3 celebrities I have a crush on:
* chad michael murray
* wala na
* wala na talaga

2 People I have kissed: (yung beso-type) <<--agree!
* poj (my brother)
* my dad

1 person I can spend my whole life with:
*oh crap.. not this one.. i mean, come on, should i answer this? i dunno who i'm spending my whole life with.. not now.. ugh!

i have to wake up early again tomorrow.. argh!

anyways, nothing much happened today.. i didn't even go out! hehe,, i stayed home and bummed..

so, i watched studio D in the morning, then had breakfast, had lunch and watched whacked, went online, yadah3.. the usual!

then in the afternoon, my mom and tito played badminton.. so i watched home alone 2 in star movies, or was that hbo? wherever.. ayun, upon watching, i felt the christmas spirit! oh shoot! here we go again with endless gift-giving! i want to give gifts to a looooot of people! cinco people, my barx-es in grade school, high school friends, banaagers, footloose people, freaks, heck, i want to give to the whole world! hehe,, and spread love! haha,, miss universe!

anyways, i got ready for church na, then poj and ate phoebe and i went to church, and poj's best friend was in church also so yeah, they were together.. then after the mass, they had ice cream (not for me! hehe,, trying to lose weight! ) and then we went to the house in fil2 for dinner..

now i'm home, i didn't have any homework (thank God!!) so i did the one for filipino already.. the one for t.h.e,, tomorrow naman.. late na eh! (yeah right, pauline.. palusot!!)

so! other kwentos:

in bio last friday, we had this group thingy.. basta, there are 4 groups, and then those 4 groups were divided into 4, so that each sub-group would visit another group and be taught a certain topic.. then the sub-groups would go back to the original group and share.. anyways, given those mechanics, i thought that we go through that everyday without noticing it.. i mean, we all part ways to go to diverse places, then when we meet again, we'd share whatever we've experienced.. wala lang..

ayun, other than that,, hmmm.. i dunno.. i'm too depressed to think.. depressed cuz i'm switching back to school mode in a while..

oh! shoutouts to freaks! hee,, miss you a lot! especially those who don't go online much and to those who don't blog.. hi gab! hi kuya macky! hehehe.. i miss reading your blogs!

anyways, i'm sleepy naaaaaaa! nytnyt!

i didn't go online last night! well,, i was supposed to study for the bio long test, but when i got home and got all dressed up, i watched t.v and stayed on my sister's bed.. i fell asleep! then my sister woke me up and we ate dinner.. then after dinner, i watched t.v again, fell asleep, and when i woke up, 5am na! hehe.. guess i got tired from rehearsals.. yeah right! haha! scriptreading pa lang yesterday!

nweiz,, i was yesterday's prayer leader.. and the things i prayed for were "thanks for today, lord.. hope tomorrow's bio long test wouldn't be difficult! may the next math long test a whole lot easier than the first one.. may our teacher not give us a quiz today, etc.." and all my teachers were either smiling or smirking.. like, what's the deal? i'm praying and prayers need responses and since they're the ones involved, they're the ones to make us feel that our prayers are answered!! that way, when they "answer our prayers," it's like seeing God work through them..

today was so-so.. i'm hyper though just like yesterday.. i dunno what's behind the hulabaloo but i'm on a natural high.. especially during filipino time! hehehe.. my hirits were all bangag-ish! then at rehearsal, i got tired na from school.. and lebs wanted a dead person onstage and so i volunteered.. people said i was good daw kanina.. kinacareer ko daw yung pagiging dead person.. truth is, i was asleep the whole time..

gosh, i have homework in filipino and in english and in c.l.. whoosh! the filipino thing's sooo hard! chapter 5 of florante and laura.. we were told to read it and answer the talasalitaan part!!! like, hello? me? answering a vocab exercise in filipino?

i'm so hyperly-bangag today.. super weird! super me! super pauline! super freak!

oh! freak! i miss freaks! i just posted a message in the freakgroup.. yipee!

i have a question: what do you get upon drinking extra joss followed by a sleeping pill? wala lang..

i cut my nails yesterday.. it's so short! as in, the normal short! it's been long for quite a while now, and for some strange reason, i cut those nails yesterday! whoopsies! i soooo got mad at myself and shed a few tears! hee,, girly! whatever!

agree with me that these thoughts of mine are over mega major disorganized!

i'm in the mood to freak out.. stand back!

oh! oh! hi to the taggers! pat, guada, ate joy and kevin! yipee! you tagged! i'm happy! not sad! oh no!

time alone is needed.. my insanity is something the world can't handle..

tabulas is back! yipee! after being depressed all night and resorting to doing homework! tabulas is back! goodbye, homework! i shall deal with you tomorrow!

we had 25 mins/period today.. college day celebration blahs.. time went by so fast! grabe! oh! and it's tippy's and nicole's and ia's birthdays! havent bought gifts though.. hehe,, still saving up.. didn't see it coming.. so i shopped and shopped and shopped! but when i save up, i'll say goodbye to giftlessness!

oh! it's inna's birthday in a few hours! happy birthday, inna! you know i love you so so much! thanks for being such a great friend.. cuz you'd manage to still be there for me even if we're quite far and we're not in the same school anymore (sniff.)

i had an idea kanina.. what if gifts ko nln sa knila yung recorded songs in this computer? wehehe.. whatever, pauline.. whatever! they wouldn't appreciate that! hehehe.. baka the next day sunog na yung cd's na ibibigay ko! voice ko ba naman yung laman eh! wehehe..

nweiz, i was uber hyper today! sobrang! whoa! trina and issa and nancy witnessed the ka-bangag-an in action! weird cuz i had no caffeine overdose, definitely NO sugar rush (or else my mom would kill me!).. maybe one of the quirks of freakhood.. i miss freaks!

the real dismissal time was 1pm.. but i got dismissed at 5pm cuz of club.. we had a 3-hour rehearsal.. after rehearsal, i had to wait for my sister til 7pm, and we had nowhere to wait so we went to mcdo katipunan (ang laki talaga ng caf namin.. buong katipunan strip!) with jussell and jelyn.. we rode with den and she dropped us off there.. thanks, den!

in mcdo, it was totally a banaag green batch bonding session! i mean, the 4 of us REALLY TALKED about a lot of stuff.. like what happened in freshman year, all the perks and quirks of slavery, and all that.. oh! and this year's "crisis!"... hay, abby should have been there.. so that we could bond with her din! anyhoo, despite all the release of past bad feelings, we ended up still being thankful that we're in banaag.. and we're in the process of learning to love it..

towards the end of the bonding session though, we saw something disgusting.. it's NOT FOR KIDS! i swear! super oh my gosh moment!

and in mcdo, i got a message from ate joy.. she auditioned for merrily! i wanna audition also! kaso lang, overload na ko eh.. pero still, i sooo wanted to audition! but beyond that conversation about the audition, we talked about something pa.. again, i learned stuff.. "a name's just a label.. you know who you are.." i told her something quite personal..

what was that "personal" thing? well, let's say i'm going through something i hardly can handle.. and it's not blog-worthy.. my friends will know soon.. close friends, that is.. siguro that's why i've been quite hyper all week.. defense mechanism? could be.. like it says in kevin's blog, "those who laugh the most, cry the most.." .....go figure..

to console myself and ease the pain i got from not auditioning for merrily, i burned a couple of cd's.. oh yeah.. new food for my super scratched discman (damned borrowers of my discman! they got it scratched! super over mega scratched! stressful.. they should buy me a new one..) now i'm a bit happy.. yipee! my discman feels loved again.. how i wish he would love me back by removing all his scratches! (i know i should be using "it" but i marry my gadgets so they're all men in my eyes..)..

antok ka lang, pauline.. tulog na! ayan ha! nakapag-blog ka na!

i reached home at 6pm, tired and worn out. like always, jow rode with me and we dropped her off at her house.. unusually though, we had minimal conversations.. mad at each other? no.. just super tired!

half day today.. well, we got dismissed at 11:15am and it felt quite great.. we did almost nothing.. and this is so weird.. we had 3 minutes left for english class and we were told to list down the members of our families and what we like or love about them.. and i spent those three minutes listing down all the members of my family.. my teacher was shocked.. hehe.. ah, the complicated family life i have..

had 2pm-5pm rehearsals.. plus an emergency meeting with sir f at 11:45am.. so while waiting, reg, kat, den, rea, ia and i went to mcdo katipunan to buy some grub..

when we got back to school for the meeting, the banaag jackets were given out! hee,, they look quite nice.. but my sister said we're such a typical drama club.. with the "black" thing and all.. hehe,, sooo stereotypical drama club! anyhoo, she was inggit naman with the jacket so i have no worries..

we had an hour or two of free time so we spent it eating lunch, bonding, and blah..

jow got back, we went to the vendo.. then we saw sir andre and he asked us if the light blue pair of earrings that he was wearing looked good on him.. i told him it looks better on me.. and i'm not sure but i think i saw someone hurl after that.. wehehe..

they rehearsed act one first so i had time to fool around.. i'm part of the second act kasi.. what's my role? go figure.. don't watch it though.. i'm shy! hehe..

did you laugh when i said i'm shy? don't do it again..

seriously, i have a severe case of stage fright.. i fear missed cues, blocking, missed lines, falling off stuff, etc.. though i love performing, this fear conquers me.. hay..

speaking of performing, well, i didn't get to audition for merrily.. i wanted to, but, sigh.. there's the banaag major play which i couldn't refuse.. there's schoolwork to help me become psychotic.. i thought about how my sked would appear if ever i'd do merrily..

5am-6am: get ready for school
7:30am-3pm: school
3pm-6pm: banaag rehearsals
6pm-10pm: merrily rehearsals
10pm-10:30pm: go home
10:30pm-11pm: shower
11pm-1am: internet (blog, ym, email)
1am-4am: homework

and that leaves an hour for rest! well, at least i'd get to sleep!

since i didn't audition for merrily and my sister got a cd of it, i listened to the cd while i was in school, and i printed a copy of the script last night.. wouldn't let my mom see it.. hehe, i'm torturing black ink again! and bond paper too!

i'm off.. must continue home concert!

you know how i'd always be depressed and how i'd rarely get hyper?

i've been hyper all week this week.. and a lot of people witnessed that.. if not witnessed, they probably got to read a couple of this week's blog entries by yours truly..

in just a snap, hyperactivity dissolved.. laughter's no longer present.. crap..

i picked up the phone.. aika was on the other line.. making singil her palanca.. i didn't even know she went on a retreat na! she wasn't telling!

then she said she remembered me cuz of a certain song she listened to while rummaging through her cds.. she let me listen to it.. call me a faker if you must.. i told her i wasn't going to cry.. and so i hid my shaky voice and made everything seem "normal".. the frustrated actor in me..

as i put down the phone, tears came running down! i guess that's how much i miss people.. argh, i'm such a wailer!

she kept on asking when i'll visit.. hindi na naman ako makasagot.. crap.. i really want to visit them na!

missing people is the best thing on earth.. and i want to cry and cry and cry!!

i woke up at 6:30am for rehearsals today.. we held it at laura's place since mc was closed.. i got to her place at 8:30 na! call time was at 8! oh well, my mom left late, so i ended up being late!

we were only around 6 or 8 when i came.. people came one by one, then those who weren't there yet kept on texting, asking who's at the venue na.. though we were only few, we'd reply to everyone with "NANDITO NA KAMING LAHAT! IKAW NA LANG HINIHINTAY!".. then they'd reply with "oh my gosh, sorry talaga! sorry!!" and all the crap late people say..

whenever someone arrived, (lebs and gaye weren't there yet..) we'd say "oi, nag-walkout si lebs chka c gaye.. kasi daw ang disrespectful nung mga late.. sinubukan namin sundan, pero lumayo sila lalo.. sinubukan din namin tawagan, hindi naman sumasagot.." then our clubmates would feel an ultimate guilt trip.. jelyn was even close to crying! the others naman felt quite scared.. basta, ang funny nilang lahat! hehe,, ang saya takutin.. especially the new members! hehe,, bully! but it was fun!

we rehearsed and blocked stuff and it was quite tiring.. we finished blocking the play though (in just around 3 meetings!).. i'll be shamelessly plugging when showtime's near.. we're not sure but a subject area might require it.. so schoolmates, you know what to do..

we had lunch in katipunan and abby, nicki, peng, pauba, jow, reg, kat, jelyn and pam were there and we bonded!

afterwards, we headed back to laura's place to do a run-through.. went quite well.. then the others played basketball while some played billiards.. then some played the instruments of the band (pam's violin, jussell's guitar, at kookie's bongos!) i didn't do any of those.. but i stayed by the billiard table, making asar whoever's playing.. whenever they'd miss, i'd go "turuan mo ko nun! ang galing eh!".. those naman playing instruments, i heard someone say, "hehe,, hidden talent ko ba 'to?" so i said, "ah! so feeling mo may talent ka!".. then i went, "shit noh?! haha, inaasar ko yung nagbbilliards, hindi naman ako marunong! yung nagpplay naman ng guitar, sinasabihan ko ng walang talent! eh at least sha, marunong sa something! ako walang alam!" then i pitied myself and i laughed at myself.. ayun..

i was supposed to go to aina's thing after rehearsals but there was a change of plans so i went home to get rest instead..

this is the joy of my life! i love bumming at home!

oh! and i'm trying to do something.. basta, wish me luck! night, everyone! i'm super tired!

i've read a couple of blogs before typing this blog.. blogs i read belonged to freaks and their friends -- theater friends..

there's one thing common: major addiction to music!

there'd always be an entry when someone would give a soundtrack of a play or an mp3 cd piled with songs from a whole bunch of musicals.. some blogs went: "today i got a soundtrack of (almost always being "the last 5 years," "avenue q," "merrily we roll along," and "hairspray") i've been given a clump of them, and i gave some to friends too..

anyhoo, i feel so wrong.. i'm not in any way memorizing my lines for the play.. i'd always think, ah, whatever.. november pa naman eh.. plus, academics first, diba? but then i don't study for school either! ugh, this life is soooo disorganized.. i haven't read the book report (not even a single page!), haven't studied for the long test in social studies (from chinese pre-history to the last of the dynasties), i barely understood chapter 5 of florante and laura (those tagalog words just conquer the better of me -- everytime!), and now, i'm not memorizing my lines.. i'm a total mess..

i'm quite aggravated.. cuz we have this performance for the asian festival on friday, and my classmates rehearsed at dynsel's place from 8am-6pm.. so that everyone could make habol daw if some arent allowed in the morning and some arent allowed in the afternoon.. they made parinig that those who wouldn't be able to attend would be given the heavier parts of the thing.. like, what the? some classmates had dance class, i had rehearsals for the upcoming play, others have sports events to attend to (training, game, etc).. i had rehearsals from 8am-3pm.. so i got 3 hours left, but then, after a long day at rehearsals, who wouldn't feel wasted? weird.. but then since i love making fun of myself in front of thousands of little eyes, i'd still do whatever they want me to do..

oh ass.. i almost forgot about the project in english! it's due next next week.. and i haven't started yet!

the merrily callback audition is ongoing.. i know the freaks are doing perfect.. kuya macky, ate joy, ate caisa, ate kyla, and kuya franco.. you sure are putting up a good show! and like i told kuya macky, i'm close to making a banner for each one of you!! and of course, i'll make teacher chari and teacher rony their banners too! hahaha! freak on!

to the rest of the freaks who didn't audition, let's all watch the show together! freak-union! we have to! sheena! let's bring you to manila!

oh! my mind's still an ever-playing radio! current songs are journey to the past (anastasia) and zero to hero (hercules).. i want to sing zero to hero the next time i audition.. hehe.. i feel like a chuwariwap when i sing it.. but i have to lose weight first or else i'd end up being the human version of the fat chuwariwap in hercules!

i want to sing in front of the crowd right now.. or maybe anytime soon.. but then for now, the shower will do..

while my family went out for some coffee, i took time out and stayed home..

i wanted some time alone for some unknown reason.. well, whenever my family wants to go out at night, i don't join them.. i steal time for myself.. to be alone, to do something by myself.. at some point, i opt to be alone.. weird, but well, that's me..

and so while alone, i decided to watch the sideshow video.. i came across some thoughts..

first, daisy is such a flirt! i mean, asking terry "what's it like being handsome?" and asking violet "what brought him here, that handsome guy?".. plus! telling terry "if we'd always get kisses we'll try even harder!" ugh! flirt! swallow a butterfly!

and violet is so pakipot! she won't admit that she loves buddy.. doi!? obvious naman! hay, those cheesy playwrights and songwriters!

buddy's such a jerk! wanting violet for fame and money! tsss.. whatever! and terry's a jerk too! french kissing daisy then telling everyone that he won't love a siamese twin..

but then the ones playing those characters did perfect! hehe.. so there's nothing to fuss about..

grabe galing ni kuya macky and kuya franco! then ate joy, ate ky, teacher caisa (i still come in peace!), and ate jen!

sure there were a couple of flats and mixed up blocks, NO HARMONY IN "SAY GOODBYE TO THE FREAKSHOW," the twins getting separated in act 2, but in the end, everything was so perfect! everything felt perfect..

it's odd how i rave about the sideshow in september 12th, when the show itself happened on june 5th!

i remember rehearsal at ate joy's place.. kuya macky and kuya franco were rehearsing "more than we bargained for"

terry: do you think i'm pretty
buddy: well, you are!
terry: please grab my flower!
buddy: that's going too far!

...during the freakparty in august, ate jen told me that she fished around cuz she couldn't believe that sideshow drove teacher chari to tears.. turns out that in other productions, she didn't cry in the end.. and that thought lit ate jen up.. and i know all freaks would be driven to tears if they hear about it!

i'm still proud i'm a freak.. i'll feel that way forever..

hay, today's quite tiring.. i dragged my sorry ass to school.. ugh, mondays..

i got tired in p.e! argh! we kept on running around! and i was so inis na!

then rehearsals after school.. from like 3pm til 6pm.. and i got picked up at 7.. cuz my sister's car ain't allowed til 7pm.. so yun..

grabe! rehearsals were kainis! cuz well, as some of you may know, the play's in tagalog! so i always end up getting tongue-tied! lebs and gaye said the energy and the emotions are good na.. kaso lang i break it when i get bulol.. hehe.. i was trying to memorize naman eh!

case #1:
line: kayo ang may dahilan ng pagkalayo ko sa mama ko! inagaw nyo sakin mama ko!

i said: kayo ng dahilan ng paglayo ko sa mama ko! nang-agaw nyo sakin mama ko!

case #2:
line: ito na ang pagkakataon kong makaganti

i said: ito ng pagtaon kong mag-gaganti!

two examples lang yan! hay, what i get for staying at home.. poj kasi eh! hahhhh! nako! i have to super memorize and acquire good filipino diction..

wish me luck! hahaha!

i stayed in school til 7.. oof! then i went to national katips.. then my mom texted and told us to buy cetaphil in mercury drug in katips.. so, we went around the area twice.. sa lahat ng u-turn slots! well, in my sister's case, she went around four times.. hehe.. kung hindi ka ba naman mahilo?!

oh! oh! i watched tony awards last night! gawd,, hugh jackman is soooooooo hot! he won best actor! and avenue q won best musical! all hail those puppets! and ann harada! hehe,, i'm such a fan!

hay, someday, i'll get a tony award! hehe,, dream on, pauline! but yeah, seriously, i dream of getting myself one of those..

speaking of awards, the akafellas won an award in the awit awards! hehe,, congrats, ate ky! proud of you!!! hehe.. miss you!!! oh! and happy birthday!

oh well,, have to go.. i'll do homework, and work on my filipino diction.. and try to not get tongue-tied when speaking in filipino..

oof! this is gonna be a rough night!

good thing i have freaks to keep me sane!

whoops! i really have to go.. i smell nosebleed! oh no! it's pouring! ack!

hay, today's quite tiring.. but yesterday was more tiring than today! so, no fuss!

oh! funny kwento! hehe..

mom: baon ni poj bukas, pizza.. pero wag yung hawaiian..
yaya: ano? nasaan yung kawayan?

*laughter*

mom: parang yung narining ni tito na nag-oorder.. sabi "isa ngang beach mango pie.." tapos biglang hirit, "isa din cake macaroni.."

*more laughter..*

i'm trying my luck in recording songs.. hehe.. this computer is the best.. wish me luck! hehehe.. though i know they won't sound good, i won't give a shit.. hehe.. plus i'm gonna need them din.. hay, this life..

anyhoo, i almost didn't do anything at rehearsal today.. kriska's cast was the one rehearsing.. there were a couple of scenes though wherein i had to teach her some blocks.. pero konti lang so walang problema..

i bonded with my discman along with a couple of clubmates.. then kat brought jackstones and we played.. hehe.. then reminisced.. about what we did when we were kids.. like the jackstone thing and the chinese garter!! hehe.. chic said she belonged to the advanced group of jackstone and chinese jackstone players! hehe.. ones who would line up in hallways and play play play! hay, i guess we all forgot to have fun when high school kicked in.. oh well.. sucks to be me..

i just finished talking to "idol" kuya macky on the phone.. and yeah, he's sensing that something's up with me.. i asked him for softwares i could get for recording stuff.. i'll need it for a project.. but then afterwards, we talked and talked and talked.. about,, well,, stuff.. about merrily,, about how we miss the freaks, how we thirst for the freak directory (kuya macky's asking ate kyla for a copy.. hi ate ky!), and how we all should bond again.. and bringing sheena to manila (that dream we always dream about!),, and how we'd be there for one another all the time! and now i'm close to crying.. i love you, kuya macky!

an appeal: SET GAB FREE! SET GAB FREE!

speaking of freaks, i lent the sideshow vcd to my clubmate.. and to a couple more people.. hehe.. i'm proud of freaks! i love freaks! i'm a freak!

let me shed tears for a while.. tears of joy and tears of longing..

i didn't blog yesterday due to an attack of sleepiness.. hehe.. i was supposed to go online and try printing the miss saigon script but then my sister was using the computer so i ended up being with poj, watching my wife and kids.. then i fell asleep! ack! maybe rehearsals got the better of me.. i wasn't even able to do math homework! hehe.. i did it this morning lang..

oh! yesterday was super depressing! i cried myself to sleep for some reason i won't dare say..

today also i cried.. for like 3 times.. for different reasons din.. wah! i'm such a wailer! haha!

school felt weird today.. i went to school feeling quite depressed and went home feeling the same way.. ugh! i hated filipino time.. our teacher said she has a boyfriend.. and that made me think, oh shit! does it mean i have a chance? hehe.. sorry.. if you want to know the story behind it, email me or something..

computer class was boring.. i felt super dizzy and threw up upon reaching the lavatory.. hehe.. enough of that.. ang panget ng topic eh! math naman, i think i did quite well in the quiz.. ang panget noh? i might become a math geek! yipes! i'm sooo not gonna get there!

bio was super funny.. dandan and bianca reported.. and wala lang.. dandan was super kulet! we kept on laughing.. then we had a seatwork.. then a quiz.. weird nga, kasi nung seatwork, it was raining na.. then sabi ko sa seatmate ko, "mamaya bet tayo.. kapag sabihin na quiz na, magththunder!".. then ms delfin said, "get your quiz notebooks.." sabay biglang nag-thunder nga! hehe..

anyhoo, in english, windang ako promise! first we did some "manual text twist!" which was so labo! 7/10 lang ako cuz pareho yun answers namin ni nancy and issa.. ugh! then we discussed the story thingy.. the story we're tackling is quite nice, actually.. i cried when i first read it.. and kanina din while discussing, i cried with a bunch of classmates..

filipino naman, first was the discussion of the 6th chapter of florante and laura.. then we talked about love.. how love works and stuff.. i said quite a lot of things.. bitter, as always.. then we wrote and essay about love.. ack! i didn't know what to write!

we had a "general rehearsal" for tomorrow's asian fest.. it was super stressful! i hated it! kainis pa, drama club had costume fitting at 3:45 and it was 4:15 already but they won't let me out.. ugh! i cried cuz i was a brat! hay! we're gonna present pa tomorrow and i'm having a hard time with the song.. thank God kuya macky's there to save me!

good thing i'm home now.. oh! and on the way home, i thanked God for the new t.v in our car! cuz it meant that the other t.v would be in my sister's car! i'm happy.. i'm happy also that our sky cable's back! after waiting for quite long and sacrificing with the dream satellite which doesn't work when it rains due to bad signal! hay.. i love..

for now, i'm going to mix tomorrow's extra joss dose, fix my bag, and wait for kuya macky's call.. and for ate joy's email..

for sure, i'll cry myself to sleep again..

i awoke with a bad throat and a headache.. as i took a bath i noticed that i kept on coughing.. shit, what's wrong with me?!

after bathing, i took a look at myself.. and all i saw were two puffy pink eyes!

must be from all the crying i did this week.. yeah, depression strikes..

asian fest today.. i got overnight voice lessons from kuya macky (thanks so much!) last night cuz i'm aware that i was going nowhere.. super short notice kasi eh.. i sang "i'd give my life for you" from miss saigon.. i was shifting when i was practicing this morning.. but then i finally belted the whole song an hour before i did the thing.. i'm not sure if people liked it though.. some said they did, others, ndi ko alam eh.. pero super thanks pa rin to kuya macky! anyhoo, the fact that i belted it makes me happy.. whether it was a pain in the ears or not, wala na ko care cuz i don't have the voice to begin with! haha!

anyhoo, i didn't get to eat breakfast and lunch today.. i wasn't in the mood to eat breakfast cuz i don't usually eat breakfast.. and at lunch time, i went to the theater club meeting.. twas about our venue for the next play.. hay, disheartens me..

after lunch, let's say jow, jussell, abby and i released stress.. jow and i cried.. kasi naman eh.. shit.. pero it feels good na din.. cuz at least we were able to tell all and tell *her* off!

i was tired na after lunch.. i had a boooooooooooooring time! super major boring! kasi they were playing games and stuff.. eh i was tired na nga, plus, i don't play games.. i play new york lemonade! hehe..

got fetched at 3:30pm na! eh i had a doctor's appointment at 4.. so shempre panic mode na naman! ayun, in the end, i learned that i lost 16lbs since july.. not a lot, pero well, puede na rin! kaya happy na din ako in some way..

hay, i'm tired! but i want to stay online..

i'm recording some songs din.. and deleting them after 5 minutes or so.. hehe..

basta, balik na ko sa depressed mode..

ugh! i have a lot to do! there's a powerpoint thingy for t.h.e, then i have to start (take note: START) reading things fall apart for english class.. pfft.. then bio homework, c.l homework.. saan ka pa?

a lot has happened this week.. of course, that lot remaining "unpublished" in my blog..

i feel quite hurt.. hay..

*not a day goes by from merrily we roll along is starting to play in my head again.. oof!*

how i want to cry.. wail like there's no tomorrow.. but then there is tomorrow.. so all i have to do is wait for a miracle for things to change and for me to finally be happy.. as if that's going to happen.. i've lost hope.. but i still am wishing..

i'm downloading a bunch of songs from pippin and once on this island.. oh i loooove the music of once on this island.. super nice with it's tribal touch and all.. makes one feel like a monkey going wild in a jungle.. of course, i'm aware that i am in a civilized place (?) so i can do nothing but listen and imagine..

studies first.. later na that addiction to music.. hmph.. yah right.. not im my world!

yipee! tabulas is back!

last night was a mixture of awful and great.. there was no tabulas! to quote ate denise, "dagnabbit!"

but then i spent last night working on the powerpoint presentation for t.h.e.. i like it, actually.. so, classmates, get ready for wednesday!! haha!

while waiting for tabulas to be up again (only stayed til about 1:30 though.. not sure..), i had quite an interesting conversation with steph.. first it was about tabulas being down.. then she shifted to praising me for the thing i did last friday, then theater talk, then to being malabo, watching whacked (she's in this week's ep by the way..) and about cryfesting over broadway mp3s, and about me getting sleepy and logging off.. you must be thinking, "oh shit, this girl has quite good memory!".. and now i'm thinking, "shut that crap.. i saved the ym conversation.. like i always do.."

i liked what i thought about last night.. it went something like, "if you believe i have talent, then you may believe that i'm anorexic as well.." hehe.. plus, you may have believed that ** ******* is actually 22 years old and ** ******** really has a boyfriend! if you believe those, then you believe that i have talent..

oh! and since tabulas was down, i went to teacher rony's blog and i must say, i learn a lot everytime i read his entries.. there's this inexplicable thing that makes me absorb everything he writes.. *bows down..*

i want to watch the sideshow vcd later.. i'm in the mood.. and i miss sideshow people a lot.. no one's visiting the egroup anymore though.. and i still don't have the sideshow directory.. (ate kyla! hope you post it there soon! miss you!).. i'm waiting for michelle's birthday.. freaks must unite! oh! i'm waiting for christmas too! freaks must unite! and in playshop season, freaks must unite! to those who aren't teens anymore, you should still join the teens class! don't join adults advanced! teens advanced would make you relive your youth.. hehe.. i'm soooo going nowhere!

multitasking drive is in season once again.. i'm watching WHACKED while blogging, eating lunch, memorizing my lines, and doing homework.. yes.. this is the typical me.. pretending to be all responsible by doing multiple things at one time.. therefore i have been dubbed "the multitasking queen" by my idol, kuya macky!

it's acet weekend this weekend and i caught myself thinking.. two years from now i shall be taking acet too! after a couple of months, i'll be an atenean, just like my sister and my friends.. then the following year, when org sign-up season hits, i'll join bluerep! wala lang.. just a thought..

speaking of bluerep, i wasn't able to watch the wiz.. i wanted to pa naman.. hay, when schoolwork interferes, it doesn't stop til summer vacation.. pero promise, i'll watch merrily! i won't care if i'm going alone or with friends or with freaks.. basta, i'll watch and be a proud freak..

i lost 16lbs in two months and i feel glad about it.. sana 16lbs ulit in the next two months, if not more.. i shopped for reward clothes already.. i can't wait!

now my family's preparing to go to araneta for the game.. i won't join them.. i still have a lot of schoolwork (and blogging, and recording, and mini-concert-ing) to do.. they got 3 tickets, and well, i gave my ticket to my little brother.. birthday nya on tuesday eh!

for now i shall be off to watching tv, doing homework, and yeah, all the things i'm doing simultaneously..

unbecoming of me to go online at 10pm and log off an hour later.. yeah..

pfft.. got into a fight with my mom yesterday.. i'm a bad kid, i tell you.. ayun, as usual, internet has been the #1 enemy since she knows it's my life..

anyhoo, on to better things now, i'm learning to kiss each day and treat it as perfect, no matter how hard i'm hit..

i came to school with puffy eyes (which will be back tomorrow morning! i'll cry again later..).. good thing they disappeared in the middle of the day..

i was extra hyper after school today.. i took extra joss to keep me alive at rehearsals.. i want to make a habit out of it..

dead tired again.. whoosh.. extra joss wore off already.. hehe..

bluerep started merrily rehearsals today.. i know the freaks are doing great! hehe.. which reminds me of my plan..

a few years from now, i want to be in ateneo, and join bluerep.. then after grad, i want to be part of a huge musical and be well-known.. after that, i'll travel and perform and travel and travel and travel and perform and perform and perform.. and before i reach my grave, i'll get myself a tony award..

ack.. i'd be able to do those things, if only i have talent.. sigh..

now i'm stuck here at home, wailing to the songs i'm listening to in my discman, crying over the death of my hopes and dreams..

pfft. ang drama ko.. panget, noh?

today's quite stressful and tiring.. english project is eating me up.. good thing it's on thursday na.. i have to report tomorrow, plus other subjects to think of, math long test this week, bio long test next week, understanding florence and laurence (ugh.. all those highfalutin filipino?).. not to mention rehearsals until 6pm everyday until march.. don't get me wrong though.. i love being in the theater club..

again, a hyper me was in school today.. sure, puffy eyes, eyebags, and all.. but i think i'm happy.. well, i hope i'm happy..

speaking of happy, happy birthday to my diagonal-mate, mariel! and of course to my #1 fan, POJ! you're sooo the best little brother!

oh! oh! i slept for quite a long time during rehearsal today.. they didn't rehearse with me naman, so i took advantage.. no new blocks naman daw.. thanks, Lord! and well, good thing kriska (my alternate) was there! savior! woohoo! anyhoo, when i woke up, everyone was saying, "good morning!" and "nice hair!" and "mukha kang lost!".. bruha! hehe.. pero when i looked at the mirror, yeah, my eyes were so bangag, i looked so bangag, and my hair was all messed up.. i didn't care.. waking up felt great!

my brain is mush now.. i got nothing to say.. i'm sleepy enough to sleep.. yes, takaw-tulog.. cuz i'll be staying up all night tomorrow night.. math long test on thursday, plus the thing i have to do for english.. pfft.. stressful.. hay..

i have to go get a life.. i have to sleep..

i had quite a long day today. it's 11pm and i haven't had a wink of sleep yet.. i'm not sure if i'll get to sleep tonight..

i had 2 glasses of extra joss today.. one in the morning (to keep me awake at school) and one in the afternoon (for energy during rehearsal)..

i just finished doing almost all my tasks today.. retyped the short story for english, did pub work for the drama club play, made the props for tomorrow's english thing, packed 5 balloons for bio, picked my clothes for tomorrow, read the excruciating chapter 11 of florante and laura (still, filipino words are hitting me hard), and reviewed my lines for the drama club play..

what's left for me to do? study for tomorrow's math long test..

of course i can't sacrifice blogging! so i'll finish this first.. yes, my priorities are not set straight..

today's highlight was an emergency assembly at school.. they cancelled club meetings and told us to go to the court.. it was so sudden! so most people panicked.. we were told to not bring anything so all i had was my phone in my pocket.. i kept on praying for my cd's and my discman which i left in the classroom.. they're my most valuable material possessions besides my phone.. ayun, in the court, they made some announcements about this fund raising crap.. then sir f talked about heightening the level of our security.. like maximum security on all entry points and buying metal detectors to having out bags inspected everyday.. and then they made us watch some pep squad and sayawatha clips.. weird? nah.. i overheard admin talks while waiting for my sister to pick me up.. it wasn't my fault that i heard what really happened.. they were talking near me eh..

i reached home at 7pm today, dead tired as usual.. then i multitasked.. after a while, i'll be going to my room and study for math! oh yes, finally, i'm going to study! that is, if i don't get sleepy..

i didn't think i'd survive today.. hay..

anyhoo, i've been listening to "the next ten minutes" all day today.. and i turned myself into a mushy creature.. i hate it, actually, cuz i'm being bitter about love and romance (yes, since i haven't anyone to share it with)... love created in song and in dance! (hi freaks!)

but then i thought, i'd want "the next ten minutes" playing over and over again on my wedding day.. but i want it to be sung LIVE every single time.. i know na who's singing it for me and for that unknown someone.. ain't that just the perfect proposal song?

all day, once more, i've been singing "the next ten minutes".... yup! over and over and over again.. i never seem to get tired of it.. my mind just keeps on playing it.. hell! i have a lot of songs in my head, but my personal dj (aka my brain) just keeps on playing that song for some strange reason.. i love it though.. no fuss..

school was such a hassle today.. while i was on my way to the high school building, i saw a looooooooooooooooooooooooong line at all the gates.. they're inspecting everyone's bags! part of the heightened security thing.. hassle sobra! i had to open my huge backpack and had to have my paper bag checked also! bad trip sobra! that's why i hate threats now more than ever..

anyhoo, computer time was such a drag.. NAKAKAANTOK! plus, my pc didn't have internet.. ack! oh well.. ayun.. era and i were talking about asses during computer time.. sha lang may alam kung baket!

math long test today.. i almost forgot about it nga eh.. good thing it was all application lang and problem solving.. for the 1st time, it wasn't excruciating..

bio class was fun today! double period at the bio lab.. ms delfin brought an opaque projector with her and connected it to the t.v.. then she kept on focusing it on me while saying "oi! ayan si pretty pauline!" and a bunch of other stuff.. weird but funny! bio's fun kapag lab activity..

we had this english presentation thingy today.. pfft.. i sucked but hell, i didn't care..

rehearsals went quite well today.. i didn't rehearse any scene so i slept.. hay, remind me to bring a pillow at rehearsals! i always forget!

anyhoo, after rehearsal, jelyn and jussell were the only ones left with me.. weird thing also, pep squad finished training at exactly 6pm today.. they usually extend.. wala lang.. going back, jussell went to the vendo to buy food.. then the food she bought didn't come out, so she wasn't very friendly with the vendo.. jelyn took part also.. then alana.. the all of a sudden, a bunch of coins went out! aliw!

i missed poj's birthday party today because of rehearsal.. hayy.. oh! oh! his friend, sandro, is a member of the grade school babble! he's a super cute 2d grader!

my thoughts are so messed up..

now my head is playing a different song.. still from l5y.. made me cry today when i got to listen to it and really had time to reflect and understand its message..

the song i'm talking about is "if i didn't believe in you".. cryfest! i couldn't help but shed tears.. and they're here once again!

i shall go to bed now and get ready for tonight's main cryfest.. hah..

you know how you'd be away from someone for a couple of months and than get together and talked like you've been seeing one another quite frequently, say, everyday?

i feel happy.. the kind of happiness that makes me cry gallons of tears.. this day shouldn't have ended.. ah yes, given any power, i would wish for the power to prolong time.. time really goes by quite quickly when one is having the time of his life.. how i wish hours were longer in times of bliss.. at the same time, i wish hours of despair would be the quicker ones..

today i was able to unload.. tell problems, be told problems, gave advice, took advice, cried on people's shoulders, had people cry on my shoulder, gave hugs, got hugs, the list goes on.. point being, i was able to experience true friendship working.. actually, not much of friendship.. more of family..

i learned two songs today.. i loved them both.. one song's entitled "for good".. it's from wicked.. it made me break down in tears.. the other song i learned is "your heart will lead you home" from the tigger movie.. and like the other song, tears streamed down my cheeks..

you know the feeling when you feel so sad and you start playing sad songs and cry your eyes out? then after that, you'd feel quite relieved that you were able to do that.. this is how i feel..

there's a mix of different feelings running through my system.. thus having these thoughts of mine disorganized.. i feel bliss, accomplishment, fear, and regret all rolled into one..

to all my friends, and to those who know they're true friends, i ask you to read the following lines.. think about how you've been a friend to someone, or how someone has been such a great friend to you..

if you feel lost and on your own
and far from home
you're never alone, you know

just think of your friends
the ones who care
they all will be waiting there
with love to share
and your heart will lead you home

funny how a photograph can take you back in time
to places and embraces
that you thought you'd left behind

they're trying to remind you
that you're not the only one
that no one is an island
when all is said and done
-"your heart will lead you home" from the tigger movie

see how friendship works? isn't it just great that you have freaks to stand beside you, to love you for who you are, no matter how many faults you have, physically, mentally, or whathaveyou? i'm glad my friends are here..

to quote ate binky, "thank you, Lord, for the gift of friendship.."

i just had a ym conversation with inna. i read her blog and felt like cheering her up. though we only had around 15 minutes, i'm fulfilled.

i still am not over the whole friendship thing. inna noticed that i've been quite sunny lately. must be from feeling friendship working. i'm in love with friendship. i love experiencing friendship. i'm thankful that friendship was created.

why am i typing all this? i have no idea.

a big part of me is missing people. i caught myself last night, remembering all the friends i made since i was young. when i moved from one house to another, had different sets of neighbors, etc. of course i still remember loren, and sassy and kara, and all the friends i had when i was in diapers. i remember alfonso and miguel, the twins! haha! they were fighting over who gets to sit beside me and who gets to sit beside sassy. hay, old friends. i don't know if they still remember me, but well, after more than 10 years, they're still here in my heart.

as i grew, i had friends in kindergarten. i remember michele, and kara, and patricia, and patti, and jac, and phoebe, and a bunch of other 4-6 year olds.. i remember patricia telling me to trace an object before coloring.. and i remember her getting complimented for spelling the word "hungry".. haha! and that was also the time she told me that she won't leave me and that her birthday is on december 5.. most of those conversations being done over washing our hands with soap crayons! well, we got to be classmates again in 7th grade, and i'm happy that happened..

how i want to go on.. but due to lack of time and because i know i'll get everyone bored, i'll get to my point..

names change, people change, change is inevitable.. but then all the things you shared, photographs you took, secrets you told, and everything you've been through together; they all would remain in you.. isn't that just amazing?

right now i'm listening to "for good" from wicked.. certain lines have left me thinking..

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn...

...Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good...

...It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart...

i'm thankful for everyone surrounding me.. old friends, new friends, best friends, families, freaks.. i don't know what would become of me if i didn't have them..

i guess my last two entries were all mushy and stuff.. and i don't want to rid the mushiness and happiness away..

to start off, thanks a bunch to those who left comments.. lap, inna, and sev.

lap, i miss your baon and i miss finishing other people's baon with you! you've been there with me at second and third grade, and i'm glad that it happened again in seventh grade! hay, how i miss you..

sev, third grade's one of the best years of my life.. however could i forget all those (mis)adventures? how we often got called for doing something naughty and beyond-normal! shit, ang lupit nating mga bata! to think we were 9-year olds who stayed up on the phone til 3am, talking about absolutely nothing but mr bean, winnie the pooh, and the whole ensemble! thanks for being such a friend, sev. i love you!

inna, like lap and sev, you're such a true friend! i miss going to playshop class with you. and our looooong phone conversations, i miss those too! i love how you'd always make an effort to be there for me and for making me feel at ease. i'm blessed that we got to be classmates again in 5th grade! cuz if not for that, i wouldn't get to know you much.. and how the hell could i take that, right? sigh..

moving on,

today's been a stir.. thursday sked on a monday.. bad trip! i did get to "make magic" at computer class though.. but still, i don't believe the internet page print-out kanina.. pfft, liar!

oh! and may i add, english time sucked big time today! darned book report..

ayun, the day went so-so. no rehearsals this week though, so i guess it's going to be a restful week! yipee!

as i thought and thought and thought about friendship today, i watched "the tigger movie" and cried gallons of tears.. kuya macky suggested that i watch it, so i did.. ack! it was so nice and so worth my tears! especially the thing in the end that he was telling me about.. the one with the locket.. hay! i couldn't help but cry.. it's a must-see!

like i said in the past entries, i'm really thankful that friendship exists and that i have the best set of friends! this is one of the few things that make me thankful for being me..

i'm thankful that friendship exists.. i'm hurt though, that math exists too.. and so does bio.. hehe..

to those who weren't mentioned in my friendship entries, be not hurt.. i'm still thankful i have you.. and God knows i love you!

"because i knew you, i have been changed for good!" <<-- hits it right on the spot!

****** ***!! inaantok na ko!

i have to stay up though cuz i'm not yet done with the filipino thing.. yeah, after doing math, and burning a cd.. and conceptualizing for english..

promise, inaantok na ko!

then tomorrow i shall continue filipino powerpoint and the computer project before studying for the BIO LONG TEST!

and on thursday night i shall do my c.l project which i have to give to tricia on friday..

but then if homework gets in the way, i'll throw up on my teacher's face! bwahahahaha! hay, ayoko na talaga!

school's such a waste of time.. kasi nga, serioso, inaantok na ko!

this blogging thing is just time-out.. and after a while, i shall continue that darned filipino report..

shit, sinong nasa hell-week?!

my mom caught me blogging and told me to study.. hrmph! as if i havent been doing that all night?

how i want to throw myself and fall and die and shout at homework-givers.. to hell with them all! hell week is all their fault!

i want to cry.. i'm cranky and i have a super crappy headache.. paracetamol ain't working.. still waiting for it to work..

forgive the angsty entry.. i'm harassed..

I WANT TO DEFY GRAVITY AND BREAK EVERY COMMAND THAT COMES MY WAY!!!

na hindi ako magbblog! hehe,, it's just not called a day if i don't blog.. addicted? yes, to self expression..

i have a bio long test tomorrow and i'll stay up late to study.. i slept na kanina at like 7:30-8pm..

yipee i'm done with the filipino presentation! ito na naman ako sa mga powerpoint.. walang patawad!

i'm sleepy.. and yes, i know that my thoughts are so disorganized! crap but oh well.. it sucks to be me!

hell week will be over soon.. two days na lang.. kaso lang after hell week, exam week naman.. hmph..

i'm burning cd's right now.. i need something new to feed my discman.. it's not sick of playing wicked, last 5 years, sideshow, avenue q and merrily though.. pero i feel the need for a new cd.. wala lang..

i like the cd i'm using to burn my new disc.. it's pink! yipee! pink! pink! pink!

ateneo grade school fair tomorrow.. bad trip, habang sila nagffair, ako nag-hhell week!

nakakabangag.. my eyes are begging me to go to sleep, but my system wants to study for bio.. study? ako? nagsstudy? shit, i'm officially a geek! eew..

again, forgive my bangag state..

oh! and before i forget, happy birthday jow!

then lapit na din birthday ni sev and janine! i never forgot their birthdays since 3d grade.. hehe.. wala lang..

i'm outie.. promise, inaantok na ko!

so, la salle won in the championships! woohoo! haha! i almost forgot that the game was today. good thing my sister was watching in poj's room.

it was quite a tough match. good thing la salle won. my sister was all screams when la salle won. she was like, "shit! shit! shit! why did they win? ugh! any team but la salle! oh please!" and i was like, "bitter ka lang!"

i like it when i see people celebrating victory. i sometimes even reach the point when i'd cry din!

had quite a good laugh when the interviews came. guess who said these!

reporter (to coach): what do you think of......... blah3..
coach: (answers in english)
reporter (to PLAYER!): anong masasabi mo sa.. blah3..
PLAYER: ah, eh, alam ko naman na matatalo namin yung EP-E-U! binigyan kami ng COMPIDENCE ni coach.

so, what exactly is EP-E-U (FEU) and is COMPIDENCE (confidence!) really important? hmmm..

besides that major mishap in that interview, i was bothered with thoughts again..

why is the pork fat placed at the last part of pork barbecue? hmmmm...

i'm not really in a thinking mood today, but what the heck!

currently chatting with thea in ym. hay grabe! she's so hyper! no match ako dun ah! promise! kawawa keyboard nya!

i noticed that no one left comments in my last two entries (rants about not yet sleeping.. rants about hell week..) kasi naman, ang opening statement, "****** *** inaantok na ko!" wala lang..

i hated school today.. bunch of bad moments.. pfft..

this is so sad! more people are crushing on my phone! nika would always borrow it at lunch time to listen to my mp3s.. and now that i got The Sims Bustin Out on my phone, dynsel's not letting go of it! oh no! help! i need private time with my phone!

but now, inaantok na ko! haha! shox, i'm such a lazy ass.. syets!

maybe i just need a little boost of COMPIDENCE.. hehe.. ang panget!

good night na nga!