a mind is very private..

yesterday was exhausting!

so there i was, waiting in line again in St Luke's for another check-up.. reading the books i usually have in my bag.. grarr! my mom and i stayed there for like an hour or two.. hmph..

then we went to greenhills and ate at italianni's with ate phoebe, poj, bea and tito.. yum! hee!

what next?! uhh,, we all parted ways! tito went to UCC while bea stayed in greenhills.. then my mom and i dropped off poj and ate phoebe at the dentist.. then my mom and i went to shang..

funny,, on the way to the dentist, we saw a couple of signs! hehe,, they were like, "STRICKLY NO LOADING AND UNLOADING" and another sign which also said "strickly!"

then it was time for shang!

ahh.. shang! my home!

we went shopping at mango, and i got this purple top which im gonna wear when i get thin.. i also got a pair of earrings! hee! i love those new earrings! dapat nga my mom wasn't gonna buy it cuz sabi nya i'm not going to wear it naman daw.. hehe,, whatever! she bought pa rin naman!

then we replenished our kikay kits and our dressers! ahh! the smell of kikay-ness always gets me!

after the 30-minutes or so we spent on kikay kit renewal, we went up.. we reached the 5th floor and roamed around.. there was a thing at stageworx.. i didn't know what it was though.. hehe.. there was quite a commotion! and mommys with children.. children filled with make-up.. weird..

then we went to dome for some coffee.. we met up with tito again then tita bambi came and tito picked up ate phoebe and poj..

oh! this is the good part! poj got hungry and wanted to grab some grub.. so he begged ate phoebe and me to fill his stomach in kfc..

wah! kfc! sideshow! freaks! hah,, those kfc invasions are truly the best!

so there.. we reached kfc and ordered and stuff.. and coincidentally (or is it?!) the only table left was our usual freak-table when we'd invade kfc during breaktime or after class.. you know, when we'd take pictures and EAT and talk and talk and talk and form a stronger bond..

kfc in shang is probably the most significant place for all the freaks.. it's where we became a family.. it's where we all got close..

maybe next in line would be starbucks.. the place wherein we'd release angst and talk about the topic of all bonding sessions.. i remember being in the "bar" with b.a and ilsa and lawrence and sheena and erika.. when we bonded and got really mad at you-know-who! hehe,, imagine, 6 enraged souls (with all those costume bags.. duffles,, strollers,, etc) at a place which fits only 4 people.. but despite that tight space, we all got along and had the time of our lives..

going back, after staying for quite a while at the usual kfc table, i decided to have some time alone.. i went out of kfc and walked towards our room.. as expected, there was no more railing and no more people by the door.. what was once a freak-filled place is now empty..

i wanted to cry, but i smiled instead..

i smiled cuz i know that

freaks won't ever say goodbye.. right?

and i also know that in two weeks,

we'd be reunited!

comment replies:

hase: hay, you're lucky you get to hang out with some of your playshop classmates once in a while.. samantalang kami, we're worlds apart! i mean, people are either employed or bumming around or in st paul or in lourdes or ateneo or la salle or miriam or ica or poveda or.. you get the picture.. that's how kalat we are!

b.a: sabi sayo eh.. nakaka-miss yung times na yun, promise.. chka,, oo nga, ang kapal natin! kahit one lang would buy a drink or something, basta maka-stay lang tayo dun! it means that we'd be as kapal as we can just to stay in one place and BOND! ganun ka-important ang bonding ng mga freaks! at kung hindi natin ginawa yung ka-kapal na acts, hindi tayo magiging bonded ng ganito!

BLOG!

hay, i'm so sleepy! must be tired from school.. check out how my day went!

before class we answered this psychological test.. basta involving friendship, self, being o.c, and sex.. weird but fun.. but LOOOONG! then we also filled up this form for the class site profiles.. hay, here we go again! haha! then after that, a survey naman about the soph night.. hay, katamad mag-write!

class itself..

we had the 2d set of dramatic monologue people.. i'm so mean, i gave a 3 out of 5 to a couple of people.. those with obvious mistakes, and those who were obvious that they memorized.. why to the ones who memorized too much? hmmm.. let's say they got too artificial.. hehe.. didn't find it nice eh.. okay okay.. you may call me an idiot now!

then at social studies, we were in this crappy room.. it's called the MMR yata.. basta the small room with air con.. but believe me, it was sooooo hot! then i got bored.. buti nalang i was at the back row and i brought my kikay kit with me! so i killed time.. tweezers, check! nail buffer, check! mirror, check! hay.. survival!

math time was crap! hee,, heck, i hate math!

c.l naman.. i finished reading a book! yipee! hehe,, pero i was reciting din to not make pa-obvious that i was reading a book

hmm.. bio was crappy but fun! the 2d long test results were given out.. they weren't nice! hay! the 1st long test was so much easier! then our group did the post-lab discussion.. nancy!! you weren't there! then after the post lab, we were supposed to review for the exam.. but then, the bell rang!

p.e time was fun too! free-play lang.. so we all played badminton.. i played with cala, meily and tippy!

then i went home with ange.. i'll be riding with her this week except for tomorrow! thanks, girl!

i got home and took a shower, then watched even stevens and that's so raven.. then, i fell asleep! and i woke up an hour later.. then til now, i'm still sooooooooo sleepy!

i'm soooo not in the mood for exams! especially math! grarr..

being with the freaks is so much better.. now who would disagree with that?!

yipee! cast party on aug 14! hee,, cast party on aug 14 for a play held on june 5!

but still,, I HAVE TO SEE THOSE FREAKS AGAIN! i miss hugging them and kissing them and being with them..

hay, i'm really proud to be a freak!

i know i should be studying.. math and filipino exams will be tomorrow na..

i just woke up from a horrible yet peaceful sleep.. yeah, we're on a half day today..

nweiz,, i just read kuya macky's post in the freakgroup.. yipee! a lotta freaks will be there! ate kyla and kuya franco will be super late though.. but hey! at least they said they're gonna be there! hay,, freakmail.. makes my day complete!

school went by pretty fast.. wait, omit the word "pretty.." it's only meant for me! hehe..

social studies became a free period.. then we spent roughly 5 minutes on bio.. then an urgent homeroom session (sayang! they should have gotten CL!).. math was spent with a quiz.. then hmmm.. CL was malabo (hee!).. uh,, filipino was spent with the long test part 2.. and english exposed the 3d batch for the dramatic monologue (jinky did awesome.. but fear not, the others did well too..).. hehe,, i tend to remember the striking ones (which of course, what should really happen!!)

my sister picked me up today.. and it was sooo weird! someone stole our mc car sticker! parang,, wtf are you thinking!? haha,, sticker na nga lang eh.. ewan.. super weeeeird.. how come everytime i try to see mc in a good light, something comes up? haha..

i reached home, ate lunch, watched t.v (queer eye's soooo the best!),, and went to sleep.. hay, it's so fun to bum! i'm deadline-free!

oh! it's someone's birthday tomorrow!

i'm pretty depressed though (omit "depressed" if you must, but if you want you could add "and" between "pretty" and "depressed..").. best friend trouble.. hay..

gotta scram.. i have to study.. at least i'll try.. i'll try to get my mind off it and focus on the exams.. question is, how?

like kuya macky said, being normal is sooooo overrated!

i guess this is a product of not wanting to study mixed with boredom and being sick of school, and most importantly, missing the freaks..

my needs:
-to study for tomorrow's math exam and filipino exam! nako! math and filipino! math! filipino! math is hard, and filipino is excruciating!
-to sleep tonight..
-to wake up early tomorrow
-to study once more

my wants:
-to stay online all night..
-to talk to her and patch things up..
-to turn back time and remove that one month of not talking..
-to finish reading "almost married" even if i have to study!
-to do well in the exams
-to be a STAR! (joke lang!)
-to finally meet mr right (ya ryt pauline.. pigs, ready to fly!?)
-to see all the freaks!.. not on aug 14.. but NOW!
-to make everything turn out alryt..
-to make amends.. i know i've been a bitch.. but why do this?!
-to find out the reason behind every action..
-to write you-know-who a letter i won't send
-to steal a straw with someone i could share insane moments with! no bastards involved, though.. *cough cough!* hehe..
-to scream at the top of my lungs..
-LOVE!
-FREAKS!
-to sing my heart out even if i break all the glass in the world thus removing the word "glass" in the contemporary dictionary and see an article about glass in a book entitled "things that once existed.."

what i've achieved so far:
none,, nada,, wala..

i want to reflect,, but i'm having a serious case of writer's block.. patatasfritas..

COMMERCIAL!!
to the 7500th visitor, please contact me! to know if you're the 7500th visitor, check out my web counter at the upper left corner.. then, if you see the 007500,, press "print screen" and save it as a jpg or gif file.. then send me the picture at terorista_13@yahoo.com to get a little something from me! hehehe..

as you all know, i'm a freak for the #'s 7 and 5.. hehehe..

gosh, i can't believe i am doing this!

exams na naman! hayyy! today we had math and filipino..

math was quite hard.. i mean, ass shit, math's always been a burden.. over the past year, thanks to last year's math teacher, i've developed even more hatred for math, compared to my earlier years! hehehe.. holy camote! good thing though, i'm sure of my answer in the 1st part and the 1st item in problem solving! hehehe.. as usual, i wasn't able to study.. i was busy doing online stuff last night eh! hehehe.. and i didn't attend the math consultation class.. makapal mukha ko eh! hehehe..

recess time! haha,, twas quite fun! i went down for recess a couple of minutes after the early bell.. i brought half a liter of coffee with me today.. i left the house with my jug full.. then by the end of recess,, my half-liter jug filled with coffee turnd into a jug filled with air.. I FINISHED IT!! hahaha.. hayy,, as each day goes by, my addiction for caffeine grows.. tomorrow, i shall have a double dose!

i went back to my classroom with a pumped up system! i became sooooo hyper all of a sudden! hehe,, then era was like, "uy grabe naubos mo?!" staring at my jug as if she saw a ghost! then i kept on talking and jumping and talking and jumping.. then era told me to sit down cuz for around 15 minutes or so, i was standing up lang and being hyper.. haha!

while answering the filipino test, i was shaking.. kind of the usual tension i get after drinking coffee.. but this time, it was more horrible! whoa,, can't explain! basta, i was soooo hyper that i was moving in my seat the whole time,, and i was so impatient! then at the early bell, i submitted my paper agad.. and i was happily smiling my way back to my seat and to my locker.. hehehe.. HYPERRRR!

i rode with ange on the way home.. but before that, we both talked to karina and reg and alex.. about stuff.. hehe.. HYPERRRR!

when i got home, i tried to log on to tabulas.. mga 1pm cguro nun.. but then tabulas was down!

buti na lang, ate joy went online! hehe,, BONDING! she introduced me to this yahoo game.. hehe.. twas fun! love you ate joy!

after 4 hours of waiting, tabulas is finally up again!

whoops! i got friendster message waiting for me..

oh my gosh! it's ms ginez! my 3d grade teacher in social studies! haha! oh my gosh! this is so fun! she still remembers me!

hay wait! gotta scram na! i have to study... after watching t.v for a few hours.. NOW you know why i'm only getting average grades!

love you all!

oh! and,, happy birthday aika! i'll make padala nalang my gift 4 u through pat.. ayt? and uhm, my beyond-greeting message will follow na din.. love you!

I LOVE!

wah! i'm so sleepy! even if i had tons of coffee today.. this is so weird!

english exam was okay.. i mean, i didn't have much trouble answering.. i didn't like nga lang the poem i made.. sobrang rushed.. yipes!

oh my gosh! social studies was so stressful! haha! i have this feeling that sir jeff made the concept of the story,, hehehe.. then yung mga questions na malabo (wrong grammar, downright unclear, etc!),, shempre naman no doubt na kung sinong gumawa nun! ooooh! i'm so bad!

grarr.. bio and c.l tomorrow! bio's kinda hard and c.l is just plain weird.. heck, i don't even know what to study for c.l! at least bio is understandable naman.. shempre,, we're blessed with ms delfin (kawawa na lang the other sections who aren't under her and are hating themselves for it!)..

speaking of sets of teachers, ange and i talked about our sets of teachers on the way home.. she was telling me that i'm lucky cuz i got a good set of teachers.. in bio, in social studies (we have the same teacher.. pero we're both lucky it's better than the other one.. hehe),, math's so-so,, fil's okay... she was like, "grabe ang galing! sinwerte ata kayo sa teachers nyo!" and i was like, "*cough* C.L! *cough*".. then she went, "aie,, oo nga noh.. sayang.."

aie wait up! knina pala after recess,, the dramatic monologue results were out.. no one got a perfect score.. ang daya! grarr.. i only got a 48 out of 50.. argh! minus one sa content (oo na, i can't write na!) and the other minus one for voice quality.. was that cuz i sang a few lines? oh no! hehe.. no,, i know the reason.. hay,, ass.. oh well.. grarr..

oh my gosh, sir f asked some banaag people to do something tomorrow.. i'm like,, haha pero oh no! bsta,, haha! funny funny! i dunno yet what to do eh.. hehehe..

nweiz,, i'm still sleepy.. i don't think half a liter of coffee is still working for me.. i think i have to double my daily dose..

onga pala, aika,, thanks so so so so so so so so much.. i love you!

and to pat,, know what,, sobrang thanks for last night! i miss you na!! and you REALLY HAVE TO TELL ME WHO THAT PERSON IS!! omg,, this is so sad! haha! love you!

i'll go na nga.. i'm not getting anywhere.. hehe,, i'm lost.. lost? hmmm.. must talk to lawrence.. expert yun eh! haha,, joketime!

freaks, i'm sooo excited na!

i didn't blog yesterday and i feel bad about it..

we had bio and c.l exams.. bio was quite a stir while c.l was,, waaah! no more, please!!

actually, i analyzed the c.l exam.. i mean, how could they come up with an understandable exam when all they have are teachers who make things complicated? say, giving recollections every meeting and placing pictures of britney with permanent pen all over her mammaries.. they just stuffed us with handouts.. uhm, how are we supposed to learn? handouts weren't created for students to actually read!!

then the exams were finally over,, and we had a first friday mass.. kaso lang, on the way to the mass, sir f blocked us.. he said we had to have at least one practice.. so some of the banaag people didn't get to attend the mass.. hayy,, grarr.. minsan na nga lang ako magiging banal eh.. hehehe..

what we did was like a corporate show.. twas fun, actually.. basta yun,, some of banaag, with sir f, sir andre, sir jeff, ms vem, and teacher dawn.. wala lang.. basta, most of the banaag people were aliens, and so were sir f, sir andre and sir jeff.. then ms vem and teacher dawn were the ones in charge of the dubbing.. then peng and i were the "oh ass i think i did something wrong" students.. while the band people did the sfx..

during the 1-time practice, everyone was so gulo! then sir andre and sir jeff were so into the alien thing,, sobrang labo nila.. while ms vem was her usual "making kwento about everything" self.. hehe.. while teacher dawn was her victim! hehe,, kidding..

after school, my sister picked me up and we went to greenhills for lunch.. may family lunch kasi eh.. so we ate (at 3pm) and roamed around with our nieces.. shets, i felt so old! kaso lang we had to leave greenhills early cuz we saw a commotion.. then smoke was coming out of the building where we were in.. and that's where the car was parked too!

in the car naman, poj was so kulit! then eventually, the three of us were so kulit na! i dunno what came to us, but at first we took tons of pics in the car.. then we were trying to sing the spongebob theme song in diverse ways.. like opera, broadway, pop, rock, chipmunk style, etc! then we ended up doing t.v patrol with odd news like, "motolite, pangmatagalan daw!" cuz i saw it in one billboard.. then commercials like, "isang paalala, bawal tumawid! nakamamatay!" basta super fun! and cuz we did it in tagalog, everyone did a horrible job! poj was like, "bawal manood ang bata na mas maliit sa pitong labing gulang.." hehe,, to think he was commended by his teacher for having high grades in filipino!

and after a tiresome day, i reached home, showered, watched an hour of t.v, and went to sleep..

i'm glad the exams are over.. the results will be out by next week though.. but still,, it's time for another fresh (could be rotten too!) start..

as i was walking in school yesterday on the way to the car, i was thinking of my aberrations and malformations.. but i stopped cuz i thought that each and everyone of us has a share of those.. only, some people make it visible, while some conceal it with their achievements.. wala lang.. nag-iisip na naman ako ng kung ano! tama!

poj bought his "prize" today cuz he's commended (for having a grade of 97 or higher) in language and filipino.. would you believe? my brother? high in filipino?! holy camote! if he's "good" in filipino, then how do all those 2d grade ateneans speak the language? haha!

i had my hair treated today.. pero hot oil lang.. hee.. pero honestly, i want a full makeover! i want to be rejuvenated.. especially now that exams are over!

with that in mind, i'd like to give a shoutout to PATRICIA CARLA NOEL ASUNCION! hehehe.. take me to your spa in tagaytay! ASAP!!

after having the hair treatment, we bought a new car.. it's a ford escape.. looks quite pretty.. kaso lang i don't own it (my mom does) so it's not pretty.. cuz well, i'm the only one who owns pretty stuff! cuz i'm pretty! haha!

then poj wanted to eat in shakeys katips cuz of the ice cream bar.. while they were busy with that, i went to national to buy a book and a copy of seventeen mag.. i bought "have baby, will date" out of eeny-meeny-mynie-mo (spell check!?).. i was supposed to buy 3 books but i fought the temptation cuz i haven't finished yet the ones i bought! so i chose only one.. thus resulting to playing eeny meeny.. hehehe.. some people who saw me playing were smiling to hide their laughter.. hehe.. i must've looked like an idiot!

i went to shakeys upon purchasing the stuff i needed.. whoops.. wanted's more like it! then i opened the seventeen mag and looked for michelle! she's so pretty! hee! shempre, she's a freak eh!

oh my gosh! one week from now,, i'll be seeing a bunch of missed freaks at kuya macky's place! wait up, kuya macky! did u text people also? wala lang.. for the internet-impaired! oh! and imma be there quite early! hope you won't mind my making sabit! rehearsals ending at 2pm eh.. no choice ako! oof!

i can't wait to watch the sideshow video! oh my gosh! this is soooo freaky! i want to watch it naaaaa!

i miss the freaks so much! badly need them for cheering up!

replies:

hase: oo nga eh,, i envy those who have what they want.. except that loser guy with the conyo blog! haha! so yabang! kaasar! oh well..

inna: argh! see? nako,, kahiya-hiya.. i should be having the time of my life! i mean, hello?! i give great importance to self expression! and i have writing as my outlet.. sabay yun yung inaalis nila.. grarr..

bea: yeah, you should have bought the akafellas c.d! out of stock sa tower records eh! hrmph..

BLOG:

--MARKETING--
marketing, for me, is handling money in a certain establishment.. how much comes in and goes out.. in my case, i'm the establishment, and the establishment overspent so now it's broke..

saturday: we had hair treatment, bought a car, a prize for poj..
sunday: went to our dad's place,, bought 5 tops and a skirt, and some gifts for certain people.. hay, i love!

i'm close to broke.. holy camote! may freakparty pa this saturday! hehe,, must save allowance!

--exams--
english was surprising.. thank God it was just a miscalculation.. my real score was 10 friggin points higher than the one written on my paper!

social was fine.. thanks, sir.. for the blank map thing!

math = hell! we had this evaluation thingy.. we had to write a "salamat, sayang, and sana" for ourselves, our classmates,, our teacher, and the subject.. for the subject, i wrote:

salamat: sa wala!
sayang: dahil kailangan ka namin pag-aralan.. nagpapakasarap na sana kami sa buhay ngayon
sana: mawala na ang algebra! at kung hindi man siya mawawala, sana malaman ko na ang practical application ng lahat ng graphing na ginagawa ko..

c.l, believe it or not, was a pain in the ass.. yes, that's what you get when your teacher gives a daily recollection..

bio = could i die now?

wait, no, i couldn't die yet.. must see freaks!

--etc--
*as much as i want to be more contemplative when i blog, "some hidden magnet is pulling me back"..

*good thing i'm still surviving..

*God, thanks for these freaks and these paulinians for being with me! yes, they make me survive!

*abletz: it's gonna be okay.. just remember what i told you..

*hase: kaya natin yan!

*thanks, inna, bea, and all those who are so optimistic!

*tanya: congrats in the aliw awards thingy! imma watch it!

*ate joy: wish me luck!

*freaks: i'm dying to see you all!

hayy.. tomorrow brings another school day.. tomorrow means another day filled with shadows.. another day for after-school rehearsals.. another day to begin and end..

it's a vicious cycle..

ate joy: thanks a bunch.. kissed up already, and looks like it's working!!

char: i miss you! like i told everyone else, help me get out of hell!

BLOG:

yes, here i am again, online after doing painstaking homework..

twas math and filipino.. math was fine.. stuff lang from the book, and all the crap that comes with the package..

filipino? HOLY CAMOTE! we're asked to read this poem.. the "kay selya" part in the florante book.. i didn't understand 3/4 of it.. bahala na tomorrow.. if there's a check-up quiz, basta answer na lang.. i mean, it's a poem so it's based on my opinions na.. unlike before, when we had to memorize dates, places, etc.. oh crap..

nweiz, to kuya macky and ate joy, my kiss-up-to-mom-for-permission-to-freakparty project is working quite well! kuya macky, buti na lang you texted kanina!

INSIGHTS:

upon knowing my exam results, i thought about my report card.. hala! what will my grades be?! then i remembered that quite a huge percentage of the grade is from recitation.. then tippy said, "buti na lang nagrerecite ako minsan!" then she looked at me and said, "nako! lalo ka na!"

then i thought, oo nga noh, i've been so talkative all my life and it helps in pulling up my recitation grade! it even reaches the point when teachers would go, "yes, pauline.. aie.. wag pala ikaw!" some people think tuloy na i'm smart when in fact i'm not! i talk a lot lang kaya it seems as if i use my brain a lot.. haha.. ako? matalino? wish ko lang!

pero, thank God for these thin-and-pale-but-charming lips and my -pretty-in-pink tongue.. tama!

i don't know why, but i value self-expression so much.. may it be in speaking or writing.. in my dramatic monologue evaluation sheet, ms reyes wrote that i was straightforward.. i dunno if she meant well or not.. pero i also noticed that i have been really straightforward lately.. like if i don't like something, i'd tell it then and there.. hehe.. i'm a brat, i tell you!

then when i'm told to shut up, i'd really overly mega major HATE the person who'd tell me to clam up..

why does self expression have to be so important that a neanderthal like me treats it like buried treasure or something?!

today, i can't believe i was quite happy!

banaag promoted the upcoming play.. buti nalang joni was our groupmate! we had a guitar! haha,, so navs and i sang part of the rosas theme while ate kookie and anamae gave out the details.. enjoyed doing it! hehe..

t.h.e meant the cooking activity of the other half of the class, so i was in the classroom.. we had a seatwork.. out of showing no interest in doing the said seatwork, i submitted to mediocrity.. hay.. bad pauline!

i also finished my half-liter coffee while doing that.. starbucks.. yum!

in english, ms reyes awarded the highest ones in the dramatic monologue.. cala and i were called.. haha! i reflected (yes, habang tumatawa, nag-iisip din ako nun.. freaks, that's called "mental multitasking!" i'm the queen!!) then i thought, it's nice to be commended for something you love to do.. i mean, how would one appreciate winning "best costume" in the stupid parade, right? wala lang.. pero come to think of it, my score's quite low din.. i mean, not what i exactly had in mind.. oh well.. oh ass..

math was boring and so frustrating! i needed to fix myself up (wash face, fix hair, lip gloss, buff my nails, get the pic?!) then ms rama wouldn't let me out..

i was with banaag at lunch time..

ms macapagal wasn't there during filipino.. we did this seatwork on "kay selya" and i must admit, i still don't get all the highfalutin filipino!

we had a critic show after school.. i think we did quite well.. and i must admit, sir jeff had a good reflection on the play.. though he missed out on giving comments, which is the real purpose of having a critic show.. but still, it was appreciated..

and now i'm home, with math homework, english homework, bio homework, and 2 projects!

i'm actually doing my classic "computer-homework" thing right now.. hay! it really pays to be able to work things simultaneously! all hail the multitasking queen!

but you know what made me genuinely happy today? well, my mom allowed me na (officially!) to go to the freakparty! kuya macky sent us the invites and i forwarded the message to my mom, making paawa to allow me to be there! as in, when she replied, i was in tears! cuz i was so anxious and i feared that she won't let me.. but then she said yes.. so all my tension landed to a good cry..

thanks, playshop! hehe,, without you, i wouldn't learn how to be automatically charming!

but seriously, i thank God.. He's soooo the best!

no.. not the piece we delivered in 5th grade! haha!

today's the exact opposite of yesterday..

i took my morning nosebleed as a sign that it wasn't going to be a smooth day..

am i psychic or what? tama ako eh!

computer class was hell.. term paper submission today.. we had to print it there in the comp lab.. then the comp lab air may have been filled with p.m.s.. ms was so taray.. and i, being pauline gaerlan, felt it getting into my nerves.. if you were there, you would have been inis also! so i killed time by helping my groupmates finish our thing..

comment on the comp lab.. ang DAMI ng printer nila! they have TWO! ang ganda pa nga eh! the most primitive of the most primitive (grammatical error intended), no joke! they got HP deskjet 410 units! yellowed with age, more like antiques.. plain ugly.. gross..

then math time, was ass, like always.. we had this seatwork which totally sucked.. then ms rama went "time na! ring ring ring! bell na!" like, every split second!? batuhin ko na sana ng ruler eh.. it was what i was holding kasi.. it's my steel ruler.. the one i use to cut myself.. hehe.. if only i weren't able to control myself.. no joke.. talagang, i was about to throw it na.. kasi totoo naman na we all needed to focus cuz we had to finish the seatwork.. then she'd do that? sooooo not helping! i ended math screaming my lungs out of anger..

bio was quite a stir.. i think i finally have to give in to conformity and study my bio lessons.. buti nalang we watched a video in the end.. hah,, time to not pay attention!

english was also grarr! our theme writing results were given out.. i got a 48/50 in the 1st one.. i didn't want to look at the paper cuz i didn't want to get any more frustrated.. but then tippy looked at my paper and told me my score.. without a doubt, nainis ako.. then the second one was given out naman.. the piece we wrote for the dramatic monologue.. and i got even more inis cuz i only got a friggin 44/50! parang, thanks, ha!? argh.. i mean, pano na lang?! ugh, alam mo yung nakakainis? ito yun! what's wrong with me? is my writing style THAT bad? i know it's bad, but is it THAT bad? forgive the emotional breakdown.. ngayon lang ako naging grade-conscious..

in filipino, we listened to the "kay selya" poem.. some guy recorded it.. and i'm still not able to understand 3/4 of it! that use of filipino is way too deep.. beyond human! florante at laura ("florence at laurence" daw sa english, sabi ni b.a! haha! benta!) might be torture! highfalutin tagalog overload!

we sold ROSAS tickets at dismissal time.. until i stopped and talked with ia and chic.. chic.. thanks for keeping me awake tonight.. with what you told me, i promise, hindi ako makakatulog ng matino!

anyways, i was at the breakdown-and-cry-until-you-let-it-all-out-but-don't-stop-pa-rin state, when kuya macky txtd me.. bet he's excited for saturday too! hay, my theory is becoming a law!

"when i'm in the middle of breaking down, a freak texts me and i'd become happy again!"

to quote ate binky for the nth time, "thanks, Lord, for the gift of friendship".. in our case, for the gift of freakhood!

sa ngayon, dahil papalapit na ang pagpapalabas ng ROSAS, hindi ko mapigilan na paulit-ulitin ang maikling awit na sinulat ng mahal kong Banaag band..

jussell,, ang galing mo! power of 3 talaga tayo ni jow!

paulit-ulit na lang.. itong chorus na ito.. ang mga linyang:

"sa pagtulog mo
ang nais lamang ay mayakap ka
ang bawat awit ay alay sayo
parang mga rosas na ito"

ang dulang ROSAS ay tumatalakay sa iba-ibang uri ng pag-ibig..

buti pa si therese, may leo.. at si leo, may therese..

ako? parang unti-unting nawawalan ng pag-asa.. oo, nasa murang gulang pa lamang ako.. pero hindi ko na makayanan.. masakit pala..

oo.. lagi na lang nakakapanghina ng loob ang mga sinusulat ko dito.. kaso lang, wala naman akong magawa, dahil ayun ang katotohanan.. ayun ang totoong anyo ko..

parang si ikay.. madalas siyang masaya.. ngunit, iyon ba ang totoong anyo niya? paano kung pareho lang pala kami? masaya sa mata ng iba.. pero kapag nahaharap na sa mga sandaling nag-iisa, bumubuhos ang isang batalyon ng luha..

ang galing ng isang rosas.. matinik man siya, may baon ding ganda..

parang tayo.. may kanya-kanyang tinik, kanya-kanyang pagkukulang.. buti na lang, tulad ng rosas, may ganda rin tayo.. sa kaso ko, hindi siya panlabas.. at wala na tayong magagawa sa usapang iyon.. sa halip, kailangan niyo akong kilalanin.. pahirapan na toh!

sana lang, may kwenta ang mga sinasabi ko.. pinagpaguran ko toh!

replies:

inna: the 1st thing i think of in reverse creation is the mime scene by jerms, carreon and agnes! hehehe..

b.a: oo naman.. pero ngayon naglaho na.. hinayupak na florence at laurence yan!

BLOG!

school was hell.. nothing's changed!

social meant a video about the shang dynasty.. ang boring ng buhay..

math naman,, quiz,, so,, yuck..

english, we read a bunch of short stories and created one of those 1-sentence stories (like the one in playshop! hehe,, "i was driving in my car.. blah!")..

c.l, sir valenton said his goodbyes.. we're having a new teacher.. then aziel and sir v. played this game.. sir's last pose was super funny! ang labo!

bio made me sleepy.. seatworks then a quiz.. sinong hindi aantukin nun?!

music was BOOOOORING! nuff said..

then banaag rehearsals.. we're having another critic show tomorrow.. i'm leaving home at like 7am then i have to meet kuya macky at 3pm and i'll be home at midnight pa or something.. i have a strong feeling that it's gonna be quite a long day tomorrow!

yipee! freakparty! i can't wait!

nweiz, i'm bangag right now.. it's 11p.m. and i have to wake up at 5 or 6am pa..

night night!

for the first time in two months, the freaks were once again reunited..

i didn't want the night to end.. i never felt that happy..

the started off normal.. rehearsal from 8am til 3pm.. see how much torture the real world brings?

then kuya macky picked me up in school.. right at that very moment, when i saw that white car (hi gab! haha!), i felt the kind of bliss that no one could explain.. and when i opened that car door and saw kuya macky in the driver's seat, heaven was in my midst.. and as i boarded in the car, i was greeted with the words, "blooming ka ah!".. unbelieveable..

we picked up b.a and had a great time in the car.. bonding in the katipunan traffic.. talking about school, teachers, and what we've been up to.. basically making up for lost time.. it was awesome..

as we reached eastwood, we went to ice monster.. we thought there was a lot of time left to wait for the others.. but then ilsa and michelle came! haha,, we made them inggit.. but we shared din after a while.. family!

in kuya macky's room, we watched a bunch of videos.. galing! sobra! not a single video didn't drive me to tears.. and while watching the videos, gab came..

we decided that watching videos wasn't a form of bonding.. so we had a bonding session instead..

it was 6pm already and we needed to set up.. so we headed to the function room.. we set up, bought crayons for the manila paper table cover, brought all the food there, and then more people came! as time went by, i began to have the feeling of true happiness.. for the first time in two months, i was with the people i love!

when b.a and i went up to bring food to the fridge, kuya macky dressed up.. we were on the way down but then teacher rony and andrei went up.. and teacher rony saw the piano.. so he played while kuya macky sang.. he sang Shiksa Goddess, The Next 10 Minutes, and If I Didn't Believe In You, to name a few.. ang galing! grabe, idol! haha! i cried in If I Didn't Believe In You, and i saw gab's eyes welling up too!

finally, after countless songs, we went back to the function room and watched the footloose video.. after a while, we finally watched the sideshow video.. act one had bloopers here and there.. but it was great! the opening, the songs, the DEVIL YOU KNOW CHOREO! though what made it more fun was everyone's side comments while watching.. lalo sa si daddy franz! master! mixed with teacher rony's comments, plus the squirms on cheesy lines, and ate joy's infamous "and we'll always be alone!" line, promise, masaya! oh! and "who will love me as i am" was a great ending! i cried..

after act one, jen came.. tamang tama for her act! hahaha! then we watched the freak video that kuya macky made.. as expected, i was moved to tears.. then the sideshow testimonials were given out.. i'll soon post what's written on my paper..

the gliders were great! galing ni daddy franz! hahaha! and basta, ang galing! new year party scene turned out quite great too! and all the kissing scenes of daisy and terry were perfect! hay! i loooooved tunnel of love! pero funny,, when ate jen was hitting her high notes, daddy franz shouted, "ang galing ni caisa oh!".. sobrang laughtrip! aun.. then i will never leave you was, oh my gosh, nakakaiyak! i was crying and looking at everyone in the room, thinking, "oh shit, this is just one night.. and after tonight, we're going back to our painful worlds.." ayun..

it was 9pm when we went back to kuya macky's room.. ulitimate jam session! panu ba naman, may mini violin (magnet sa fridge), may piano, may guitar, san ka pa?! teacher rony took over the piano, b.a conquered the guitar.. then ate denise came! another guitar! yipee! then ate denise was like "jam session tayo!" then in my most bangag state, i said "astig!" then ate denise was laughing at me for being so bangag.. laugh trip daw ako.. tama!

a night of fun, endless videos, music, bonding.. a night with freaks..

we're beyond normal.. we stand out.. we are freaks.. we could do what we want to do! we can't stop time though..

oh! and while watching act one of sideshow, during the song, "like everyone else", i scribbled something at the back of my playbill.. it said something like, "i don't want to be like everyone else cuz being like everyone else would mean not having this kind of family.."

it was an awesome night.. thanks, Lord!

i wish it didn't end..

today was shit.. oh well..

we had a morning mass in school.. and i was given a minor offense.. like, sorry ah! i was just in the middle of crying because i felt really bad.. and i was praying to God for guidance in the next steps i would take.. and i spilled everything to nicole, who happened to be right next to me, and she gave her shoulder for me to shed my tears..

tears were welling up in my eyes since i awoke.. i dunno.. my heart felt so wrong.. i knew it wasn't going to be my day..

nweiz, after the mass, we had english period.. we had groupwork and ms reyes kept on asking me if i was okay.. in truth, i wasn't.. but of course, being the great pauline, i said i was okay..

i didn't eat at recess time.. i dunno.. bothered by stuff siguro..

social studies, i was still bangag and depressed.. the same thing happened in math..

lunch time came.. rosas last minute reminders and rehearsals.. but then again the real me was absent.. i was still crying.. crying.. crying..

we had a new teacher in c.l.. quite interesting naman.. i mean, he's taught philosophy in a bunch of schools.. most of his statements made me think.. oh! and i recited.. and i have to thank ate joy for the main idea.. here's how it went:

sir: how do you take care of your minds?

me: (raises hand)

sir: state your name first..

me: pretty pauline.. anyways, how do we or how should we take care of our minds? well, we need to have time out once in a while.. cuz i learned that too much thinking could be hazardous to our health.. and since we are students, we are always given homework.. and homework involves a lot of thinking.. therefore, homework is hazardous to our health.. that's why teachers should stop piling us with those..

*classmates applaud..*

anyways, bio, quiz, video, pfft..

p.e, badminton.. footwork, play, blah..

dismissal, opening of rosas.. okay naman..

after the show, i was belting out some songs to release tension and to ease the pain i was feeling.. i feel better now,, but not really happy..

Lord, help! i have to talk to you later!

this is such a boring day..

social studies,, discuss about the chinese dynasties..

bio,, discuss respiration and photosynthesis..

math,, forgot the lesson.. halatang hindi nakikinig?

c.l,, nag-class pic kme eh..

filipino,, had a horrible time understanding the meanings of some lines.. hay, my filipino vocab is horrible!

english,, we had presentations.. quite okay..

then today's show was so weird! mia had a fans club! the audience kept on laughing at the most mababaw hirits..

anyways,,

my frustrations.. there are a LOT of things i want to do.. unfortunately, i couldn't do them! cuz i dunno how!

for example,, playing a musical instrument.. i've been making parinig to my family that i want a violin! funny but true! para naman kunyari sophisticated ako! kunyari lang naman eh.. or the guitar maybe? or how about the piano? basta, i'll take on any musical instrument! as long as it's not the recorder or the bamboo flute! haha!

then there's DANCING! i want to learn how to dance.. even the simple choreo of "footloose" and "the devil you know" drove me crazy! of course in grade school we had cheering competitions and all.. at shempre, sa lahat ng yun, trying hard lang ako! magaling kuno!

writing? been there, done that, failed! from junior staffer to features editor to literary manager.. oddly, i've always been assigned to write for the news section.. cuz feats and literary require creative minds.. let's say, i've had writer's block since birth.. haha!

acting.. i'm sticking to it, but it wants to get rid of me! i don't think i know how.. ewan.. ang pangit eh! i checked myself out kanina in front of the mirror.. it was horrible!

singing? pauline, mahiya ka sa balat mo! it's like, the people surrounding me are like water,, smooth,, flowing,, etc.. and i'm the frog! cuz yeah, i do sound like a frog.. if anyone would say i could sing, wala nang pangit na boses sa mundo!

putting myself down? i think not.. i'm just exposing myself to the truth..

so now, i play "twinkle twinkle little star" on the violin.. write nothing out of "writer's block since birth".. dance in my bedroom.. act in front of the mirror.. sing in the shower..

hay, frustrations!

what am i good at?

excelling in nothing, or sucking at everything?

**b.a and inna: thanks for cheering me up, but i think i'm sticking to my opinion on things.. hehe.. love you both!

got home at 10:30.. more juice coming up..

went to school wearing this black thing for the filipino thing.. everyone was wearing "malong" cuz it's the easiest filipino thing to wear.. but i wore a sarong cuz i dunno how to work a malong.. haha! there are a lot of "ng" stuff! ang panget! ayun, my usual sarong-turned-dress.. minus the bathing suit.. then my classmates found it funny cuz i felt sooo at home! like, the sarong dress, my fave roxy slippers, and my hair was up pa.. then on my left hand, there's a discman and a phone case! basta,, my usual summer get-up.. yup! and it kept raining and it was windy so i wore my jacket.. i looked as if i was in bora.. nice..

class was bangag today! t.h.e.. we're doing vietnam for the asian festival.. then in english, we fixed up the short story.. math, seatwork (throws up).. filipino, a bunch of discussions..

at lunch time, i went to the sci cai for the banaag meeting.. sold out na daw the rosas tickets! kaya, sorry to those who don't have tickets! kasi naman dapat, when the tickets came out, you bought agad! when we were selling, you were declining.. then now you're running after us.. galing! haha, kidding!

we had the filipino thing in the afternoon.. the speaker was quite good.. he has a radical brain (whoops! me guilty! can relate!).. then some clubs performed.. then they didn't even promote rosas! like, thanks ah!

had two shows.. oh! and marcee and joyce and ida were there! awww... i missed them!!

i rode with jow and went to my cousin's place.. waited for my sister there eh.. so i played with taco (1-yr old nephew! shets, i'm so old!) and he's sooo kulet! so big na! weird, he likes watching commercials and he gets upset when it's getting back to the show na.. basta, his t.v's his ultimate toy!

ayun, then i also did cousin bonding with kuya marco and ate tisa.. awww... sweet namin noh?!

and here i am now, SUPER SLEEPY!

when i'm the right mind, i'll expound!

i woke up with a horrible cough and a sore throat!.. must be from trying my ass out at singing..

all week, since kuya macky gave me that mp3 cd, i've been listening (cuz well, one mp3 cd means millions of songs..) and searching for lyrics of the nice ones.. basically studying them (yes, instead of studying for school) and TRYING to get every note right.. oh! i burned a cd with songs from avenue q and the last five years.. and my friends find me weird.. i take it as a compliment!

like i said in my other entry, singing is a frustration for me.. so everything sounds bad..

so now, there's a bag of lozenges on one hand, a bottle of cough syrup on the other, and there's ginger ale to act as my "water!" haha! conscious nga, eh pareho din naman ang labas nyan even if the cough and sore throat goes away!

i want to laugh at myself!

today's quite nice.. bumming at home, sleeping at one time, internet, sleep, t.v, internet.. internet.. internet..

no, trekkie.. the internet is NOT for porn! (see? bangag! bangag ako!)

yes, people, THIS is what i'm busy about!

i didn't blog last night and this morning.. argh..

i came home at around 8p.m. on friday night.. it was the final run of rosas.. it was SUPER MAJOR MEGA OVER tiring.. right after the dismissal bell, a lot of people rushed to the gates na! when i reached the room, i was like a worm in a mound! my classmates were all, "pauline! gawaan mo ng way! we have to get in there! and get a good seat or something!".... stressful!

we ended up having around a hundred people in the first show, and another hundred people in the second show.. so even if the room was air conditioned, it felt super hot! and cuz it was super hot, guess what we were wearing backstage!!! hahaha!

i'm happy though that hard work paid off big time.. we ran out of tickets, got great feedback, etc.. not to mention the mia-tine fans club, mia's autograph signing (yes.. freshmen asked to mia's autograph! tsss.... kids!), mia's photo sessions (again, by the freshmen! ang aggressive!) and the reactions to funny lines, dramatic moments, and the almost-kissing scene..

we went to yellow cab after the show to celebrate pam's birthday as well as celebrate the success of rosas.. rode with kat, yada yada yada..

and when i got home, i freshened up and went straight to bed.. in less than 5 seconds, i was asleep!

i woke up this morning and headed straight to the shower.. it's my grandfather's birthday today.. so we went to our dad's house at lunch time.. ayun..

i went shopping again today.. argh.. i'm officially flat broke! yes! FLAT BROKE! after offering my mom to not give me allowance for quite a while so i could get an orchestra ticket to "baby the musical".. guess it'd be more than two weeks without allowance now!

i'm home now.. and i shall be asleep in a while.. it's my nephew's birthday na! and he's gonna have a party when i wake up! oh my gosh, he's 1 year old na! awww.. hay! he's so cute talaga! sana i could visit him everyday after school since he lives near lang!

speaking of birthdays, tippy told me that the baby of the soccer mod died this morning.. awww.. we've been praying for the kid since last week, and well,, ayun..

on a lighter note, my depression state that went on the whole week is finally gone.. the one regarding my lovelife, that is.. if you dunno what happened, malas mo na lang.. i told a limited number of people lang.. and i trust them pretty well to believe that word hasn't gotten out yet.. ayoko ng public broadcast..

oh! i downloaded "the next ten minutes" (thanks, limewire!) and i'm learning the song now.. it doesn't sound good though cuz i'm the one singing.. pfft.. plus, i dunno who i'll end up singing it with when the time comes.. alam ko na! gagamit ako ng signs! haha! foolish me.. but seriously, ever since i downloaded the song, i've been reflecting on things, wondering who i'll spend the next ten lifetimes with..

i will never be complete until "i do"......

i just woke up and shall be leaving in a while.. (bangag)

i hate breakfast.. food on the table, accompanied by thousands of pills.. talk about a bloodstream flowing with chemicals! grarr! (feel-bad)

anyways, i'm in YM now with ate joy.. i told her something last night.. ain't for public broadcast though.. when it happens na, i'll reveal it.. sana, that time never comes.. hay, really depressing.. but at least i got to talk to someone about it.. thanks, ate joy! you dunno how much it means! (from feel-bad to feel-good)

i don't want to go to my room.. a whirlwind attacked.. (translation: my ps2 is fixed and my brother's playing..).. see? another reason to feel bad!

oh! wait! oh my gosh! last night, i saw this ad on HBO.. they came up with a series.. it's about freaks in a sideshow! wala lang.. when i viewed the trailer, ultimate flashback ng freak memories! i forgot the title of it, but it looks nice for me cuz i can relate to it.. being a freak and all.. for me and the freaks, i think it's something to watch out for!

my thoughts are so disorganized..

imma scram now.. my nephew's party is all set! haha! when i use the term "nephew," i begin to feel so old!

i just reached home! hay, i spent quite sometime away from home..

i went to seattle's best katips at like 3pm.. then i felt someone tap me.. hehe,, it was ms cortez, my p.e teacher last year.. ang labo! hehe.. ayun,, i grabbed an iced latte (minus the sugar! haha!) and headed to podium..

this is just so weird! my nephew had his 1st birthday party in burgoo in podium.. ayun,, he's super cute! dressed in this spiderman costume and all (pic below).. spiderman yung theme eh.. eh i didn't want naman to dress up in red and blue cuz i might look like a philippine flag.. so i wore a red top with studs, and this awesome black skirt (with studs din.. and fur! hehe..) and stole my mom's roxy shoes..

as my sister and i got there, hannah (my cousin) arrived also.. so the three of us were about to go to taco already and play with him.. but then my sister wanted to have a picture taken.. so we called one of my cousin's photographers.. after he took the picture, all the photographers approached the three of us and took pictures.. there were around 5 photographers yata.. shets, feeling celebrities ang mga bruha! haha.. funny cuz we only wanted ONE picture.. and we ended up having millions!

it was nice.. there were face painter guys (had my arm painted though.. my face might get irritated eh.. mahirap na!),, photographers (love namin at love din kami!) and all.. kaso lang, the host was celebrating a barok festival.. malupit!

we were watching the admu-dlsu game while the party was going on.. i almost had a heart attack! buti na lang, dlsu won.. thanks, Lord!

so in short, buong pamilya ko, bitter.. ako lang nasa katinuan right now.. hehe.. pero i'll be happier if makuha ko na clappers ko.. diba, achay!? exclusive na daw kc ang team dinners ngyn eh.. mahina na ang autograph business!

nweiz, we stayed in podium for a couple of hours pa, i finally got my copy of "things fall apart" for my book report.. while purchasing the book, a familiar face was beside me.. twas congressman dilangalen (spell check!?).. yupyup! the "syat ap meester ispeekehr!" guy! hehehe.. he bought this book on bill clinton..

then hannah and i went to landes.. YES! THE ULTIMATE STORE!! gawd, i want the voice activated journal.. and the room doorbell! i saw a barbie version of it! hehe.. shets,, landes has the best toys on earth! promise, when i save up, i'll buy either the voice activated journal or the camera thingy.. hehe..

we finally had to leave cuz there's school tomorrow.. grarr.. ayun,, so we went to the valet area na and waited for our car.. shets, taco rode in their trailer.. it's new lang daw.. hannah looked inside.. sabi nya, there's a bed and a t.v and a microwave, etc.. parang,, sorry! walang ganyan sa bundok ko eh! haha!

pero grabe talaga.. i have a nephew.. hindi ko toh take! i'm so old!

ayun, after a while, our car came na din.. and it was time to head for home..

kaso lang, argh, monday na naman.. switch on school mode.. TAMA NAAAAAAA!

i had a blast this weekend.. thanks cuz:
*kuya macky is planning to watch Baby with me!
*God gave taco a year to live already.. time flies so fast!
*i spent today with my cousins!
*photographers were on the loose at the party kanina!
*La Salle won against Ateneo!
*achay's gonna give me clappers!
*i got to shed tears and ate joy listened to me! ate joy, thanks so much!
*i have friends beside me!
*God's right here when i'm in need!
*i'm alive!
*i'm still my freaky self!

we worked on a new seat plan this morning.. it's not working.. period.

english was okay.. i mean, it's the only subject i'm surviving in.. so, what the heck.. chka, the lessons are sooo 7th grade! literary terms.. pfft..

we have a social studies quiz tomorrow.. from chinese pre-history til the chou dynasty.. we won't be having plus points though.. talo kasi ateneo.. that's why i'm happy when we don't have plus points in social studies.. ibig sabihin, panalo la salle! hehehe.. buong period, inaasar lang namin c sir! hehehe..

math was boring.. ndi ko na-feel! arrrgh! then we have homework pa.. i left my book in school though.. buti na lang, nicole YM-ed the homework! thanks, nicole! of all the people i texted and YM-ed, you're the only one who responded!

i'm getting the hang of c.l na.. the teacher teaches differently.. he gives a philosophical view on our lessons.. interesting..

i was sleepy during bio class.. good thing my addiction to coffee is growing.. so my eyes managed to stay open! hah.. talent!

p.e meant badminton.. i wasn't in the mood.. i dunno.. too burdened up?

rode with ange on the way home.. monday eh.. thanks, girl!

i just finished a YM conversation with patch abletez.. gawd, i miss her sooooo much! cinco, i miss you guys! flinghood!

nweiz, i think it was social studies period when i again thought of freakhood.. cuz of the thing about terra cotta soldiers and sir jeff's constant reiteration of "lahat sila hindi magkamukha!" then nika asked, "what if patterned sila after twins?"..

FLASHBACK!

i remembered the freaks' endless questions.. like,

what if you're siamese twins conjoined at the butt, how are you gonna watch a movie if the movie house doesn't have a loveseat?

or, will you buy a ticket for just one person, or for two?

how will you write on a desk in school, especially if you're both left-handed or both right-handed?

will you get reprimanded for not maintaining a single line?

how do you answer examinations? how could you not cheat from the other?

and like any other freak would ask, how will you find love? will you find love? or does being loveless (in THAT kind of love..) come with the package when you're a freak?

well, even if being a freak means having aberrations, malformations, and grotesque physiques, i still wouldn't trade freakhood for anything!

i stared at the monitor for roughly 10 seconds before i started typing this sentence.. my mind's a blank..

we had a quiz in social studies.. shit.. pre-history til the chou dynasty.. then nung checking na, sir jeff wasn't giving considerations! hmph.. talo lang kasi ateneo! talo! talo!

then bio lab work! hehe.. we took pix.. and p.c is sending them soon! thanks, p.c!

math was okay.. for the 1st time in years, i got stuff right..

c.l, philo class? hehe,, naging accounting naman ngayon! we made a business plan of some kind.. hehe.. so, after ng algebra, accounting naman?!

filipino was creepy! heck, i recited twice! AND, of all things i'd say, i EXPLAINED some stanzas! so, who's transforming now? ugh.. to think it's a love poem..

english was weird! haha! we reviewed lit terms and stuff.. and this is so weird! ms reyes clarified the in medias res and en media res.. i asked kasi yesterday cuz in ms mirafuente's handout (yup, 7th grade! it's a cinco memento and it's still with me!) it said "en media res" and ms reyes said "in medias res".. so ayun.. ms reyes searched the net, asked the other english teachers, and asked sir fermin.. it happened during that day.. then sir fermin texted her daw that night and told her what the right term was.. my classmates were all, "shets pauline, ang hassle mo! haha! dahil sa isang tanong na yun, halos ndi mo cla pinatulog! haha!".. well.. quits lang naman eh! i spent the night looking for the gr7 handout din! haha!

i hung out with ella and camille and elphie at dismissal time cuz there was no club meeting.. REST WEEK NG BANAAG! haha..

then i got a text.. twas b.a.. he was stalking me daw.. funny! hehe.. forever kang malabo, b.a! tama! hay, freaks always know how to freak me out and make me smile afterwards..

i got home at 4, freshened up, and slept..

ate dinner at 7, took medicine.. and got a tummy ache.. argh! my system's going insane!

now i'm online, in YM with ms rigor, lap and danica! cinco reunion ka ba?! hehe.. twas soooper fun! and then i turned on my webcam! sabi ni lap, sumusunod sa galaw daw yung hair ko! and lap still calls me "direk!".. labo.. i only directed once for an inter-class competition and luckily i won 1st place and she never stopped calling me "direk" after that! hehe.. nako.. those cincoers.. they're still the same.. i miss them..

in fact, i miss a lot of people.. cinco, aika, pat, achay, flinghood, fifi, pam, marj, dawn, lap, guada, danica, grandmama, abletz,, to those i didn't mention, magparamdam kayo! i also miss the freaks, kuya macky, ate joy, sheena, gab, michelle, ilsa, erika, b.a, ate caisa, ate kyla, jen, hay, i could go on..

i thank God for those people.. i need them to survive..

at last, the rest i've been praying for is mine!

i woke up today feeling quite gloomy.. i thought, "wtf, school na naman?!"

upon leaving home, i noticed the super dark sky..hah.. the weather must've been cooperating with me.. but then i thought, mc doesnt suspend.. so my sister continued driving..

it was super dark and super rainy! and the streets were flooded, but still no word from any school admin both in ateneo and mc..

in the u.p area, there was this school bus and the driver signalled that there's no classes in ateneo anymore.. my neighbor and my brother were screaming and shouting in the car, while of course, my sister and i were worried.. panu na sila when i have school and my sister has school?

so we still went straight to the katipunan area which was super flooded! it took around 30 minutes to an hour for us to finally reach ateneo.. it was 7:30 when i was told that mc's having classes.. anak ng.. hello naman noh? papasok ka pa eh bumabaha na nga sa katipunan! is this the stupid parade?

i thought of giving an excuse letter for tomorrow if they still didn't push through with the suspension..

to whom it may concern:

please excuse my daughter for being absent yesterday. it was raining so hard and unfortunately, we forgot to bring a rubber boat with us. we didn't know we'd need it.

suckers!

sincerely,
mom of the prettiest woman alive

oh well. good thing that by 8am, tricia lim texted that they finally suspended classes.. dapat lang!

but ateneo still had classes! and in the car were 2 atenean second graders, one knoller high-schooler, and an atenean of the highest order..

how will the 3 go home when one has an accounting exam and she shouldn't miss japanese class?

we went to manang's.. a grub place by the covered court.. poj and kyle ate breakfast while my sister and i called kyle's dad to pick up the 3 suspended ones.. while in manang's ate phoebe's p.e teacher announced a freecut.. she's taking up volleyball and apparently, only 4 students were there.. wala pang isang team! hehe..

then after the two kids ate, we went back to the car to wait for kyle's dad.. someone called up my sister and said that they were suspended na din.. we were already about to leave when those pesky kids begged for dessert.. mga patay gutom! haha..

finally, after quite a long time in the ateneo caf, we finally journeyed home..

i reached home at 10am.. changed to house clothes and went to bed.. i texted kuya macky and we both agreed that this is a perfect day! then i fell asleep..

i woke up at around 2:30, feeling quite happy, though with a splitting headache.. ayos lang.. at least i got to sleep!

my wish is granted!

i read the other half ofate kyla's blog and i came across an entry with something that said, "artists have hungry spirits" or something of the same context..

yupyup! i want to work! but not schoolwork.. though i hate being a bum, i'd choose bumming over schoolwork.. the work i crave for is different.. i want to perform.. sure, i dunno how.. but i look as if i know how.. therefore i want to..

it was 3pm or so when tippy called for a ym conference.. she texted ms delfin and asked if the bio lab report submission's gonna be moved.. and after some agonizing minutes, ms delfin said no..

nice move you got there.. yep, observation should be done at dismissal time yesterday and pre-homeroom period today.. yesterday's dismissal time's fine.. but pre-homeroom time? hello naman.. how could we observe when we're stuck in katipunan, our car crying because of the flood, and the works? haha.. so much for being considerate..

i'm still having this headache.. it sucks.. it's getting worse..

i hate school.. i love playshop!

i also dropped by kuya macky's blog and found no new update.. the latest one is the one about workshops.. the things that we often miss about it.. and those we often miss out on.. wala na.. reminiscing time na naman..

soon, ate joy's gonna introduce me to "the last five years".. she says it's a cryfest.. i can't wait!

michelle's debut is in october.. will freakfest happen? can't wait!

due to ate binky's absence in the freakparty, she's asking for a repeat freakparty.. will that push through? i can't wait!

i'm going to watch Baby on saturday.. teacher chari's part of the cast.. will any freak watch on saturday? i can't wait!

my spirit hungers for performing.. i won't mind having only one line in a three-act play.. or even no lines at all! wala akong paki! as long as i get to go to rehearsals, bond, train, eat, talk, and finally come up with a dignified heart come showtime..

my sister told me something disgusting yesterday.. her friend was having trouble in accounting and was on the verge of switching to another course.. then someone suggested taking up theater arts.. and the reaction was, "theater? ayoko naman nun noh! i don't want to lose my dignity!"....................... uh, what's up with that?

comments on that, anyone? napansin ko no one's commenting.. ang boring tuloy..

i woke up at 3am cuz the rain was so hard! ang ingay! i couldn't sleep! it mellowed down and yeah, i fell asleep again! hehe.. antok pa eh!

then at 5:15, i hurriedly took a bath cuz i was supposed to do so at 5am sharp.. it was awful! cuz i'm coughing and i got the sniffles so i kept sneezing and the headache from yesterday's there also.. bathtime was horrible! i wanted to faint!

after that agonizing bath, i switched on the t.v, and the first thing i saw was, "no classes in all levels in metro manila - DepEd".... contrary to the standard reaction, i was quite inis.. i mean, hello?

i did my homework last night! that bio homework which was supposed to be by pairs but i did my homework individually cuz i was tamad to look for a partner cuz i wasn't interested in doing that bit of homework! like, thanks for keeping me up all night!

oh well.. what's done is done! i shall do the philosophy thing for social studies which is due next friday.. diligence? nah.. i'm just bummed!

after that agonizing bath, i put on some house clothes and went to bed.. i checked my phone and saw a message from kuya macky.. he sent it at 11pm.. i dunno why i didn't get to read it last night.. it was brownout daw in eastwood and all the buildings looked like creepy haunted buildings cuz of the emergency lights, flashlights, candles, and all the works.. he found it quite aliw.. sayang, i didn't get to see it..

i couldn't sleep agad so i texted ate joy.. i thought she was at work.. but no! she was at home, making peanut butter and jelly crepes.. yum! (may idadagdag pa sana ko.. pero quiet na lang! haha!)

slept for 3 more hours.. 7am til 10am.. hay! heaven! getting enough sleep is different for me.. i like it..

kaso lang, i'm done with the homework needed for this week.. and i dunno yet what pic i'll put in the philosophy thing.. hmmm.. kuya marco! imma be needing you! haha!

i feel so bummed! i played american idol in ps2 with my brother.. had an excuse for a mini concert in my room.. kaso lang, the songs i want to sing aren't there.. i want to learn how to convert original songs to minus ones.. i only have a few downloaded minus ones here and they're not even broadway.. oh! oh! i want to make minus ones of avenue q songs! hehehe.. evil!

i want to do something! i need to nourish my spirit!

*sings* it suck to be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

i came across jilly's blog and she's having struggles with her classmates.. wish i could help out, jilly! call me when in need!

nweiz, i've been fixing up my mp3s today.. sorting in folders, which ones go where,, according to type of music,, what play they're from, artist, blah.. yupyup! quite o.c of me.. minsan lang yan! so far, i've finished labelling songs from avenue q, last 5 years, sideshow, lion king the musical, beauty and the beast broadway version, and miss saigon.. hehe.. only theater people could relate to the music.. to the normal ones, kawawa naman kayo..

today's another day to think of things.. since i have nothing else to do..

The sun is shining,
It's a lovely day,
A perfect morning
For a kid to play,
But you've got lots
Of bills to pay -
What can you do?
You work real hard
And the pay's real low
And ev'ry hour
Goes oh, so slow
And at the end of the day
There's nowhere to go
But home to Avenue Q!
You live on Avenue Q!
Your friends do too.
You are twenty-two
And you live on Avenue Q!
You live on Avenue Q
You live on Avenue Q!

this is the song stuck in my head.. i dunno why.. guess it feels quite bouncy and stuff.. i dunno..

*FREAKHOOD*
i just finished an awesome ym conversation with kuya macky.. he's a genius, i tell you.. and we sort of have the same views on things.. what to do in the future,, and all that blah.. thanks, kuya macky! learned quite a lot! you don't have to worry.. God has plans for you!

for the past 4 months or so, i've never stopped raving about how thankful i am that i am a freak.. still, i have no regrets.. i dunno.. we have the same ways of thinking,, and all our ideas seem to jive.. and when we don't agree on something, well, that never happened..

i don't exactly know what binds us freaks together.. i mean, we come from different worlds.. there are employed ones, unemployed ones, some have kids, most don't have kids, grade school students, high school slaves, college students, we have 12-year olds to 25-year olds, some drive, some are too young to drive, some are committed.. some are dreading being single.. some are guys, some are girls, some are confused.. we are SUPER diverse!

but then, we're all into theater, we all love life's drama, we all rejoice, we all agonize over some things, we make the most out of each moment we have together, we have things that make us freaky.. so that's what brings us to freakhood! oh.. i love freakhood!

*BUMMED!*
isn't it obvious that i'm super bummed? heck, i've been online since what, 12 noon? and yeah, this comp has been on since 6am.. walang hiya kami, noh? mamaya lang, i'll smell smoke na.. hmmm.. sana hindi naman!

my eyes are tired and i'm not making sense anymore.. must get rest..

again, we don't have classes today.. it's report cards day.. my mom just left the house and i'm alone once more with the maids.. talk about boredom!

i don't expect anything good to come out of my grades.. doi.. i am so effortless when it comes to school! so yeah, i don't get awards.. i don't study at home and i don't have any complaints.. yepyep! mga bata: wag tularan ang nilalang na sumusulat nito!

i hate my body clock.. i woke up at 5:15 this morning.. even if i was sure that we don't have classes! argh!

i'm playing with my imagination once more.. after waking up today, i took a bath and had a concert in the shower.. i did that after talking to myself, also in the shower.. i love taking a bath when there's a mirror in the bathroom.. it's where i perform!! haha! i'm experiencing consequences though.. for one thing, this isn't my original voice.. i lost it! oh nooooooo!

the bathroom is my sanctuary.. it gives more services than the usual stuff people think.. when i don't cry in my room, i cry there.. when i want to sing, i sing there.. when i want to act, i do it there too! when i pretend that i know how to dance, i dance there! there are people at home kasi eh.. and when they get to see me perform, they might throw up.. concerned lang naman ako sa kanila! it's the only place where i could be alone since i share my room with my sister..

okay, this is great.. everyone's concerned about their grades while i'm paying tribute to bathrooms of the world..

who wants to join forces with me?

i just finished an interesting conversation with ate joy.. hehe.. promise! imma get back at you!

at around 4:45am, i got a message from kuya macky.. he asked what time i'll watch baby.. yipee! 2pm show kme pareho! he got a free ticket! hope i get to see him later.. nweiz,, what's with the 4:45am text? secret! hehe,, kuya macky,, i want to be part of that when you finish it ah!

i went back to bed after texting kuya macky..

now i'm awake! i'm alive! i saw my grades, i wanna throw up!

but there's no time for the drama on the grades.. cuz imma watch baby! hehe,, connect?

i'm currently listening to "i believe i can fly" by william hung.. hehe.. i remembered when kuya franco played the cd in class.. darn! hehe,, ultimate laughtrip! hay,, i miss freaks..

i love the song "shiksa goddess" btw.. wala lang.. hehe,, listened to it din..

having a mini concert here at home is not so bad after all! hehe,, that is, if all ears are covered and all forms of glassware are away from me! yeah, been playing some minus ones i downloaded.. and poj and i are singing.. it's only now that i realized that my brother could carry a tune.. before, he was really horrible! i dunno what happened but now, he's getting better..

speaking of my brother, 1st honor na naman sha.. my mom was afraid na baka 2d na lang, but nooo! hehe,, inggit ako kay poj, actually.. he's been 1st honor since the 1st quarter of 1st grade.. then he's getting better in singing, and he acts so well (just doesn't wanna join playshop cuz he's afraid of forgetting lines..hmph.. eh 2d time pa lang nya to watch the same movie, he'd memorize some lines na!),, then he has a superb hand for drawing! heck, i dunno how to draw! inggit ako s kapatid ko.. 1st honor, singer, actor, visual artist.. pero he doesn't dance also, kaya quits lang kami dun!

i'm bangag! replace the pic with my face.. hehe,, retain the same expression.. poof!

i watched BABY at the meralco theater yesterday afternoon.. i was with nika.. hehe.. ayun,, we got ourselves orchestra center tickets (and yeah, i feel my wallet crying! he wouldn't be fed for quite a while..)

but then, i'd feel guilty upon doing a "reaction paper" on it cuz the show's still running! so instead,

guys! watch BABY the musical at the meralco theater! running til september 5! hee! it's really super over mega major grabe oh my gosh nice! yup! in there you'd see superb performers (the freaks in the future!) with amazing choreo and awesome voices (sobra! twas the FIRST time i heard teacher chari REALLY singing!), great music, super nice set, and i find the story quite great! plus, surprising visuals! haha!

anyways,,

during some kissing scenes, i was like "aaaaaahhh!!!" hehe.. i want to perform like that also! haha.. oh well,, me and my dreams of having an onstage kissing scene.. i dream about it sometimes.. but then, whenever i dream about it, i'd look at the guy and see nothing on his face except for a question mark! seriously! freaky, noh?

i saw tanya during intermission.. she's so pretty!

after the show, i saw kuya macky and some of his bluerep friends.. then we asked for teacher chari and congratulated her and stuff.. ayun.. thanks, nika!

when i left, kuya macky texted and said blooming daw talaga ko! weird, but thanks! haha,, i miss you, kuya macky!

then i went to my mom and we went to olympic to play badminton.. i didn't play much though.. hehe.. cuz i was wearing a skirt! a short one at that.. so, sheesh.. i loved my top though.. ayun, after badminton, we went to eastwood for dinner.. headed home.. slept..

twas a great day.. i was stirred with some thought though..

how come whenever there's a play, almost everyone in the audience knows everyone else? people would just walk to different areas of the theater during intermisson and greet one another.. understandable pa if it's playshop showcase eh.. pero in other shows,, oh well..

ayun,, that's pretty much what transpired yesterday.. now it's sunday and there's school na naman tomorrow.. bummer! i don't want to switch back to school mode!

btw thanks for all those who are leaving comments,, those who are visiting,, and those who are tagging! for those who want to link me, go ahead!

gotta scram!

WHATEVER!!

hay, after 5 days of heaven, school's felt once more.. sheesh.. i'm cracking up!

i was super bangag when i got to school.. hehe.. well, yeah, it's the usual "me" but with a little bit more bangag soul..

the batch and the freshmen had a talk this morning.. yadah3.. see how evident it is that i wasn't listening? hehe.. oh! oh! barok fest! hehehe.. i'm so mean, but, get used to it!

then we had no teacher, no class president, and no revised schedule for the 1st period.. ms vem came to the,, uhm,, rescue (?).. she thought we'd have c.l instead of english.. so we ended up having around 5 minutes of english (yes, without any lesson.. she spent those minutes explaining why she was late..) and had recess..

i wasn't there for the 1st half of social studies cuz i went to the clinic with a bunch of classmates.. i forgot what was injected in our arms, but, oh well.. so upon reaching the classroom, we were all pretending that it hurt so much and they were all laughing at us cuz we walked like zombies..

math time, we had problem solving.. grarr.. nakakatamad, i swear..

c.l naman, something about the business plan thingy.. hehe.. our group had the biggest profit.. in short, garapal kami!

i didn't go with the usual lunch crew today cuz i went with nika and nancy and finished our lab report! yes, let's all pretend i'm smart!

in bio, we discussed the lab report and did the group thingy about the dark and light reactions..

p.e naman, we didn't have a test! yipee! we just played badminton and practiced rallying.. bad trip lang, cuz i had something injected in my right arm, diba.. i had it in my right cuz i write with my left hand.. kaso lang, i write with my left hand and do everything else with my right hand.. not really ambidextrous.. just plain weird.. anyhoo, i was able to play anyways..

i was supposed to go home again with ange today but my mom said she could pick me up.. i went to the banaag meeting and we're coming up with a new play.. ayun.. kaso lang, grabe,, bea and navs pinched my right arm! it was so painful! 3 times yata yun!

when my mom arrived, i went home na.. good thing the meeting was only til 5.. i got home at 5:45 and i freshened up, watched some t.v, and eventually fell asleep.. then i woke up at 9 cuz poj woke me up and told me that it's the continuation na of "my wife and kids".. great show, i tell you! hehe..

i feel so sleepy! must get back to bed!

inna: yep, like i said, i do EVERYTHING with my right hand and i use my left ONLY when writing.. hehe..

i was super over mega major sleepy today on the way to school.. my sister drove me to school like always, but it wasn't the same today cuz she had class at 10:30am pa and poj and kyle didn't have school today.. so it was against the both of us to leave the house early..

first period was social studies.. hehe.. i'm starting to like the subject! hehe,, today was about the 10th dynasty and about footbinding.. here's a weird incident..

sir jeff (reading a diary entry of a girl who had her feet bound): my mom called me and started cutting off my toenails..

class: eew! gross! yuck!

then we realized na toenails lang pala yung na-cut.. as in, kuko sa paa! so, bakit kami nag-yuck, diba? hehe,, ang tanga!

next up was bio.. yipee! i'm actually absorbing something! hehe..

we had a math quiz even if ms rama wasn't around.. i was sure of my answers in the 1st 2 items.. but in 3 and 4, we were all assed out..

c.l naman, grabe! i felt super sleepy! then i realized, our teacher speaks in a monotonous manner! sobrang,, even if he's saying something exciting, or when he's joking,, hindi ka talaga mabubuhayan ng loob cuz of his voice! sobrang anti-climactic! nakakaiyak! haha!

then in filipino period, i did something quite foolish.. we were asked to draw something for the 1st part of florence and laurence (florante and laura).. basta the "gubat na mapanglaw" thing.. i don't even know what "mapanglaw" means! hehe.. ayun.. basta we needed to draw a guy tied to a tree in some dark forest.. since i dunno how to draw a man, i just drew hands and feet peeking from the tree.. hehe,, nasa likod ng tree yung man.. that's what you call "ma-paraan!"

we had a quiz in english.. then had a discussion.. there was this huge bee that entered the room.. and i was screaming to death! hehehe..

i spent dismissal time with era, jow, ella and camille.. then tito picked me up and we went to shakeys katips to wait for the traffic jam to subside.. yum.. garlic and cheese pizza!

finally, i'm home!

anyways, i'm quite happy today.. cuz,,

1. aika texted me.. she asked me to send her quotes for her to say that i'm beautiful.. eh i don't have quotes.. then she said that even if i don't have quotes, i'd always be beautiful, inside and out.. wala lang.. it's rare for me to be told that.. and it coming from a best friend, makes me feel quite happy..

2. inna's and pam's comments in tabulas.. wala lang.. i rarely get to talk to inna (do you have ym, btw? i miss bonding with you!) and i miss her so much.. and pam naman, well, i hope the sun shines on her soon.. pero i assure you (and all my friends as well) that you can unload and lean on me when you're in need..

3. nicole said she misses me.. nag-ym sha right when i logged on.. we didn't get to talk much kasi during the day.. oh well, there's still tomorrow!

i'm so senti!