a mind is very private..

man, everyone's soooo into the feeling of going to school na! argh! before going to rehearsal today, we dropped by mc *BLECH!* to get the car sticker.. i didn't want to step on mc *BLECH* grounds, but then my mom called me to help her fill up the forms needed for the sticker applications thingy.. that's why i ended up stepping on mc *BLECH!* grounds.. i want to have my shoes washed... NOW!

hearing the word "school" makes me squirm.. oh ass.. why do i have to go to school? it's so katamad! and besides, i won't be able to blog this frequently!!

tomorrow's another day, meaning another rehearsal..

gotta scram!

i might blog later!

night!

I HATE SCHOOL!

i didn't blog that much yesterday.. i was too tired.. imagine, 12 pa lang, i was asleep na!

i woke up today and i was all woozy.. and til now, i still am woozy,, not to mention stressed..

rehearsal was great! denise's baby was there! and he's sooo cute! we all had a great time with him around! then one time, during act one, he was making all these baby noises.. super cute!

ayun, tommorow will be a big rehearsal! oh no! this will be tough! it's a few days til the show! 3 days to be exact, and the whole week this week i've been coming home woozy and i hate myself for it!

and as the show date's getting nearer and nearer, i'm getting more anxious not out of tension, but because i will miss mtg.. two months may be quite short, but still, we bonded already.. and it's so hard to let go..

and i will end up thinking of them throughout the school year..
mtg is family.. we're all attached to at least one person in class.. and letting go is just so hard..

i had the weirdest dream ever last night! i've been crying about it all day!

here goes..

let's say i have two sets of friends.. one group is copper while the other is gold.. of course, copper would pertain to the people i have met during this year.. and gold would mean the people i grew up with.. the ones who formed me.. then, i've been away from those golden friends for a year.. and met the copper ones during that one year.. (now you know what and who i mean?!)

and then, there's this one day wherein i had those two groups together in one event.. then cuz i miss those people i haven't been with for the past year, i tried to call their attention in the hopes of engaging in a conversation with them.. unbelievably, they weren't minding me no matter how much i called their attention! then i slapped one of them in the cheek saying "what the heck is behind all this? anong problema nyo?" then she was like "what the fuck's wrong with you? leaving us just like that?" and i'm all "fuck you it wasn't my decision!" and that clump didn't believe me.. and then i left that clump and confided to the ones whom i met when i left..

then i last remember myself praying, kneeling before God,, asking why this was all happening.. and i heard this voice, telling me that i should move on and stop dwelling on the past cuz it will kill me more and i'd just stop myself from growing..

i woke up..

what the!? that dream is soooo weird.. i mean, why did that happen? was that a sign that there really is no turning back for me?

i won't let that come true..

and about the confiding thing.. should i trust them now?

or the ignoring thing, was that a scheme they did so that i would move on?

ang galing.. it presented (in a different way though) what i'm currently going through and what i should do about it..

should i move on? i can't..

light story muna! this is really funny!
..in starbucks, i was in the "bar" with erika, ilsa, b.a, and lawrence.. then when i was leaving na, i was walking towards the door.. then there was this guy, who opened the left door, and tried to enter through the right door.. in short, he bumped into the door! i was about to burst out laughing, and i wasn't able to stop smiling! cuz he was REALLY funny!

anyways,

it's two whole days till the show.. and it really freaks me out how we all have to present the show to a crowd who thirsts for new stories, lessons to be learned, and all that..

i don't want playshop class to end.. sure, it would be nice to share to everyone how much you've matured during those two months in the form of doing "side show",, but still, at the same time, it would mean that we would all go back to the real world, and live normal lives again, which also translates to going to school, waking up at 5am everyday just so that we won't be late for school a.k.a hell..

anyways, given the fact that tomorrow is the tdr and saturday is the actual show, i'm filled with so much nervousness mixed with anxiety.. again, i would have to move on, part ways with them, and go our own directions, go back to our own different ways of living..

i'm too scared to leave mtg.. i love each and every one of them (fine, when there's this "topic of all bonding sessions", i'd set my limitations..) and being away from them could really feel like shit..

when we were doing the curtain call kanina, i was sooo ready to cry na.. cuz i felt that hey, the show's in two days! i have two more days to be with them.. fine, two months is quite a short time, but it created so much! a lot happened in those two months! it's just painful to think that whenever i find a family, all would end so soon and i'd have to move on! even when everything was going so well!

i've read b.a, gab, and sheena's blogs.. and they're all about playshop-endings.. as much as i'd love to not conform, i have no choice.. cuz this is how i really feel..

i'm scared of being alone again.. like how i was before mtg.. i felt that no one's beside me.. i never want to be on my own again.. i need mtg..

if ever you're wondering if i'm crying at the moment,, yes, i really am.. i'll miss sheena's bellydancing with me,, gab's kakulitan,, ilsa's super aliw comments (such as the one regarding the patches,, "yung isa, daisy, tapos yung isa naman, violet!"),, b.a's hunting for rides to nicky's place, megamall, etc (at lagi akong kasabit sa nahahanap nyang rides!), bukas naman, music museum to shang!,, then lawrence's being so lost!,, erika's thirst for kwentos in bonding sessions,, ate joy's helpful pieces of advice,, michelle's sweetness!,, franz' ultra green comments! (teacher chari: FRANCOOOOOOOOOOO!!),, franco's ultra kulit questions (teacher chari: FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNZZZZ!!!) and lots more! to those whom i didn't mention here, it doesn't mean that you didn't leave a mark in my life.. believe me, you did..

what i'll miss most is waiting for class,, talking about stuff,, lots of stuff,, then we'd have lots and lots of fun in class! then after class, we'd go to kfc (we had free time pa then!) and make more chika!

at starbucks, we were looking at b.a's playshop yearbook, and we scanned the thing til mtg's page.. we didn't want to leave the page! hehe,, we all think it was just too cute so we didn't want to turn it to the next page.. then we noticed that we had two pictures,, we were separated into two groups (in chronological order to be specific).. and as i thought about it on the way home, during the first few meetings of class, we were divided in those two groups.. there was the teens clump and the adults clump.. totoo pala yung two-become-one! and it's happier now that we're in just one clump!

i will miss this class a lot..

i woke up at 5am today,, took a bath and got all dressed up by 6.. galing! it was all so fast!

in a while, i'd be leaving for music museum.. it's the tdr! woopee! then we'd go back to shang for just one run and call it a day..

i'm anxious and at the same time excited for the show..

"i thought this never would end..."

this is just too geeky.. hehe,, i told my mom that call time's at 8am.. so that i'd be there before 9..

got no idea though as to who's taking me there..

breakfast calls, but i want to blog more!

okay, this is sooo not much of a sensible entry..

l.s.s.: "who could proudly stand beside me,, who will love me as i am........"

again, i'd like to point out that i definitely am not making sense..

oh shit! it's a day before the show!

hope you all watch!

oh ass.. i forgot to promote last wednesday! bawi na lang later!

and to those who would like to know,,

what: SIDE SHOW
who: musical theater teens G class
when: june 5, 2004, 5p.m
where: music museum
why: you just have to..

imma watch pippin tomorrow.. that's pretty much why i'd be staying in greenhills the whole day! i dunno who else is watching though..

nweiz, all through dinner tonight, i was all shaky.. i didn't know if that meant like i needed a bathroom trip or if i've been thinking too much about the show..

i'm experiencing a mixture of emotions once more! nervousness dominating my soul..

at the shang rehearsal today, we felt a lot of energy travelling inside the room.. when private conversation was cleaned.. and we just had to view that over and over again, thus resulting to this invisible force which made us feel different.. and while that energy thing was going on, we did "who will love me as i am" and it sent shivers down my spine.. i was amazed at how the voices blended and the energy mixed with it, and everything was in the right place! i loved it..

but we boomed out when we did the finale.. kasi naman, the so-called "topic of all topics" thought that it was joketime like she always does it, thus trying her hardest to make us laugh.. but the said being was unsuccessful..

at tdr today everyone felt so sleepy.. i remember franco going near teacher rony, saying that he slept for 3 hours.. and man, he did look like he lacked lots of sleep.. but then, he drank a bottle of redbull,, and what do you know! he was singing his guts out in the dressing room! all alone! and we're all, "franco okay ka lang? grabe toh!" and he was like "ah, narinig nyo ba?!" like, doi? he was bumibigay already!! ehehe..

then after that, we went to shang, and again, we had a bonding session involving the topic of all topics..

it felt great! oh! and when doods bought siomai,, b.a, ate joy,, lawrence, ilsa and i composed this song patterned from "private conversation".. and it was so great! except that i couldn't type in here right now.. cuz i have to be asleep already!

i know teacher chari told us not to go online, but i really needed to blog! i'm sleepy na naman now eh! wahoo! i'll go to sleep!

nytnyt everyone! watch the show tomorrow! and thanks to all who tagged and gave comments!

i feel beyond happy.. yet i feel that i long for something.. yes, i long for mtg..

i went to music museum at 10:30a.m to watch Pippin.. it was really great! i mean, how on earth did they get that energetic in the morning! hehe,, and i loved the king! he was so aliw! and i liked lewis too! aliw the scene when he was all crying na then he looked pa at the mirror to check him out.. talk about being conceited! and their costumes were so fun! very colorful and fun to see! it was amazing!

then after Pippin, i went with gab, b.a, and ilsa.. we ate lunch in theatermall while waiting for call time..

we finished lunch quite early so we watched the 1st half of the voice / hosting show.. then we went out after the 1st half.. we hung out at the lobby of music museum.. then more side show people arrived.. unfortunately, the voice thingy wasn't done by 3:30, so we fixed ourselves up at the lobby! and i thank issa so much for putting on my make up!

i was really nervous kanina! (yes hase, i do get nervous! all the time!) when i went in the audience area na for the show, then we were all tense na.. i even got to drink just one gulp of extra joss from lawrence! (thanks ah! sure kang extra joss lang yun ah!? walang ibang mix!?!)

it was really a tough time for me today.. when i woke up kasi, i had a nosebleed.. it means that my nervousness was extraordinary (like the one that happened in gr7 drama fest..) and i was just so tense!

finally, after a lot of warm-ups, and after a lot of cleaning scenes, we preset our props and costumes and everything na.. then of course, we talked to God.. and i felt the connection in all of us during the prayer.. i cried.. i kept my head up to prevent the tears from ruining the make-up..

it was showtime..

i went onstage.. i did my best,, i did what i wanted to do,, and again, i felt the best feeling i'd ever have in my life..

sure, there were little mishaps along the way, but all in all, everything went so smoothly..

in the end, we were given a standing ovation by our audience.. and i was overwhelmed at how they were all applauding for us.. it felt beyond great..

during the giving out of certificates, audie gemora asked teacher chari to comment on the show, and teacher chari just broke down in tears.. that made our hearts melt so we all broke down and cried too.. it was really sad.. i mean, when we got backstage, ilsa was like "oh anung call time bukas?" and we were all, "wala na eh..."

i will miss performing onstage.. as much as i want to do Side Show again, school would have to get in the way.. sana lang we could do it perhaps next saturday like franco said, or maybe next month? or a few months from now maybe?

i exited music museum with much fulfillment in my system.. i'll miss all the rehearsals, may they be enjoyable or crappy.. i'll miss being with mtg every single day..

see? just when everything's beginning to take shape, it ended..

i thank God so much for today.. i feel blessed to have met this class..

saying goodbye never sounded this sad..

i'm at a loss for words.. as soon as i compose my thoughts, i shall write more.. more about mtg.. more about the family i found this summer..

finally, we said goodbye to the freakshow..

"may it be true love... one day from true love.." - caisa borromeo

what was that?!

"your denim jackets should be similar.. like if one has a patch the other one should have a patch too.." - teacher chari

"yung isa 'daisy,' isa 'violet!'" - ilsa malsi

again, another hysteria attack!

"i love you! i love you! i love you!"

"barney?!" - jen bautista

kaaliw! jen ang cute mo! hehe..

so much to do, so little time..

one more month wouldn't hurt..

kaso lang, wala na eh..

either way, i thank God so much that i had the chance to be with the sideshow cast..

"i thought this never will end.." - daisy hilton

but in a flash, it was already the end of act one..

"who could proudly stand beside me, who will love me as i am.." - company

and in a wink, act two ended..

"see love glorified... come hear how love speaks.. come look at the freaks..." - company

and it signified the closure of playshop 2004, as well as the end of rehearsals.. here we are again, now in our own worlds, living our own lives, except that now, mtg has one another..

even if it isn't summer, i know that when one of us needs help, we'd give not just hands, but arms to give support..

from nothing in april 12th, we are now officially a family.. nobody is left behind or forgotten..

teacher chari, if it weren't for you, we wouldn't have gotten this attached.. i thank God so much that you're my teacher.. and i look forward to being your student again and again and again.. surely, you are the best.. i'm going to miss you..

teacher ring, nothing would have happened to our props, and the show would be a mess if you weren't there to guide us and give us your utmost support.. keep on bellydancing! you can do it, teacher ring! thanks so much for helping us out in everything.. i'll miss you a lot..

if it weren't for...
teacher chari
teacher ring
teacher rony
teacher lizzie
teacher dan
joy
kyla
caisa
jen
macky
franco
franz
issa
ilsa
sheena
gab
nicky
erika
michelle
denise
binky
b.a
dianne
kat
thea
lawrence
tulsi
doods
and jermaine

there would be no side show..

and if it weren't for GOD, there would be no theater..

i want to turn back time and be with all of you again..

"strike tents
pull the stakes up
go gents
let the brakes up
no fence
stops us from moving on
to our next show
farewell
don't forget us
do tell
how you met us
don't dwell on sorrow as you go
you will farewell
goodbye.." - the freaks

i won't forget all of you no matter where time takes me..

"saying goodbye is part of growing up.." - dolly dimples

it's hard to move on.. and we have no choice but to submit ourselves to it..

"i'm thankful it's been with you" - daisy and violet hilton

thanks a lot, mtg.. i learned so much.. and i'll remember all those lessons you taught me..

i don't want to end this with too much drama or else mtg would end up crying.. let's stop crying na.. okay?

don't cry because it's over.. smile because it happened..

"come look at the freaks.. (aaahhh.. one octave lower)" - the freaks

"oh no! i might dream of this tonight! hay! i just went down by a cup size!" - guess who!

"can i see it?" - franco mabanta

FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!

again, the title has no connection with my mind's contents.. and yes, i do mean "it SUCK to be me".. it is not an unintended grammatical error..

today's been such a great day.. i felt the mtg spirit living on.. and like mtg 2003, the flame would burn forever..

i woke up at 8am and decided to sleep again, expecting to wake up at 9.. unfortunately, i woke up at 11..

my sked got broken!

i left home at 12 na,, and arrived at eastwood before 1pm.. we were 7 people lang.. many weren't allowed na kasi.. ayun,, there was macky, sheena, gab, ilsa, b.a, michelle and me!! woopee!!

it was a total bonding trip!!

first there was yearbook signing, then there was endless talking! we talked for like an hour or even more than an hour..

then we went to macky's place.. 'twas so nice in there! we basically went there to surprise sheena, to cry, and to cry more.. we watched some videos macky made in premiere.. they were nice, actually! galing! *hands down*

we had a pic taken at power station.. and we saw franco with his friend, amanda.. and we saw some pippin peeps din.. wala lang.. then we took pix, more pix, and some more pix, but not na in the sticker pic thingy..

sheena left na.. awwwwwwwww......

we hugged and cried again, and cried more.. and well,, ice monster told us that we should eat in his place to make the depression go away.. so we did just that.. in ice monster, we bonded some more.. and told hilarious stories.. so fun!

b.a, nakakatakot ba sa ice monster? ANG CORNY MO!! wehehehehehe..

after ice monster, back we were to macky's place to record some songs.. ang aliw!! hahaha.. amazing!

michelle and macky sang a song which made us so kilig.. macky told us din the story of "once on this island" which we all found so stupid.. heck, none of us has a love life! then we watched some excerpts from footloose, it was so aliw! i had fun! then we watched the kiss in "almost paradise" cuz well,, tanya's mom might have gotten mad in the playshop version of footloose!! haha!! wla lang,, it was macky and kyla there.. galing sobra!

the last thing we did was listen to the songs from "avenue q".. it was sooo aliw! but as much as we wanted to work on the play in next year's playshop, we couldn't! hello? how could you expect us to sing "the internet is for porn" in front of conservative filipinos!!? and to our parents pa! oh my!! hahaha!!

as of now, the avenue q lines stuck in my head goes "so why, don't i have a boyfriend!? it sucks to be meeeeeee!!.............."

i loved it when the japanese girl sang!! haha!! IT SUCK TO BE ME!

then also the "sex.. is only for now. george bush, is only for now," thing.. wala lang!! i want to watch avenue q! it should be produced here in the philippines!

but then we had to go already.. so macky dropped me off.. and ayun.. say goodbye to the freakshow..

i went to olympic badminton after a while cuz we played badminton.. doi.. then my mom and tito played with tita pat-p and tita stella.. then they had a condition.. whoever has more losses would pay for dinner.. the food lang naman.. then the winning team pays for the drinks.. so during dinner, we ordered expensive drinks cuz tita pat-p and tita stella would pay for them.. hehehe.. wala lang.. we kept on laughing the whole time! we were so noisy cuz of tita pat-p and tita stella!! they were like sooo energetic and all!! and their laughs were so kulet!!

like when tita stella was making kwento.. she was like:

"sinamahan ko nga si yaya magpa-bunot ng ipin eh.. grabe ang laking tao nya takot pa sha dun! so dinala ko sha kay (i forgot! basta dentist malamang!!).. tapos ang bait nga eh! binigyan pa sha ng discount!"

then my mom, my sister and i said "ay! akala ko binigyan ng lollipop!" cuz well,, we thought it was usually like that!

then tita stella and tita pat-p were laughing and it was heard in the whole place.. wala lang.. ang lalabo nilang lahat!

nweiz,, this was really a fun day.. i thank God..

i'm depressed again..

i don't want to move on..

but as what i told ate joy,

how the heck could i be where i am now if i didn't move on? how could i have met mtg if i didn't move on during the time before that?

how will everything God designed to happen, begin to take place if i didn't move on?

what the heck..

i'm missing mtg a lot.. i cried again kanina..

anyways, something really aggravating just happened..

poj asked me "are you excited to go to school tomorrow?"

and i, being sick of school, and not wanting anything bad to happen to my life, replied, "of course not!"

and my mom gave me a mad stare and told my brother "she's just joking.. of course she's excited!"

and i'm like "what the heck are you doing? don't tell me i have no right to speak my mind anymore!?"

this sucks..

i want change..

i'm sick of roadblocks..

i hate going to school.. i hate my school..

what the heck have i gotten myself into?

forgive my thoughts.. i'm in deep protest..

i'm gonna have to drink my anti-depressant in a while..

that stretch into the night
i'll be filled with your sweet comfort
like morning fills with light

i will never leave you
i will never go away
we were meant to share each moment
beside you is where i will stay
evermore and always, we'll be one though we're two
for i will never leave you..

light story muna.. before all the sorrows be viewed.. my sister (18 yrs old who looks younger than me) and i went to shell in commonwealth to have the car fixed.. the gas tank was leaking kasi eh.. then it took quite a long time so we went to mcdo.. when we reached mcdo,, oh my!! we saw that the my scene aluminun lunchboxes were out already!! yipee! so we were at the counters na,, about to buy the happy meals.. kaso lang the lines were long.. then we were all so excited.. so we were like "come on!! you're gonna finish now and serve the next customer!! and that has to be me!! i shouldn't run out of happy meals!!" then when it was our turn,, we were making kulit the lady at the counter.. we were "may lunchboxes pa ba?" then the girl said puro hotwheels na lang!! we were like "OH NOOOOOO!!!" then we begged her to give us the my scene lunchbox on display at the drive through counter.. then yippee!! they agreed to give it to us!! hehehe..

okay, on with the show..

i spent the 1st day of school today, well, in school.. again, i saw some familiar faces, some classmates from 1-3, but i did not feel right.. i felt as if something was missing..

ang call time ngayon, 7am.. at hindi para mag-rehearse.. para mag-aral..

i want to quit school already.. it's killing me.. call me pessimistic but aika, i know you've been hearing me ranting about this the whole time we talked in the celly kanina.. but you know what, you're right.. if my mom already did a lot of things, made a lot of excuses for me not to go to spcp,, then she could do a million more things to stop me from going through this road i want to take..

i don't feel free.. and this certainly isn't the best feeling ever..

say what, i got a bad set of teachers.. i don't feel comfortable.. i mean, fine, i met new people, but the environment (physicality) of the place is questionable..

i can't believe i survived a year without aircon in school.. after being sanay with it since gr2.. i'm turning insane..

anyways, i texted ate joy at recess time, and she was giving me advice,, and she was so optimistic when it came to dealing with this.. cuz she's ryt.. i'm not the only one longing for mtg.. every mtg-er wanted to be in that setting forever..

and teacher ring said the same thing.. we all miss each other.. only, i am really ranting a lot about this thing.. and my opinions are voiced out..

going back to the 1st day of school, my room's in the 3d floor.. and it's quite tiring to go there and down and up again.. but hey! at least i could exercise! plus, one of my male teachers just got a manicure.. something to laugh about!

but then during dismissal time, which was 12:30 or something, i felt that i just went through the 1st day of school.. i felt that it was really happening..

then during banaag practice (theater club),, i wasn't doing anything cuz i didn't attend the rehearsals during the summer (i wouldn't give up being with mtg just to be with banaag.. i'd see them everyday during the school year anyways).. so of course, i ended up with no role in the season opener.. so during rehearsals (which i had to attend even if i wasn't asked to do a single thing.. and i don't get the reason behind that..).. i just slept for a while and cried about mtg from time to time.. they didn't mind me naman eh.. !@##$$^%&$

come on, pauline.. no matter what you do, you know yourself better than others.. and you know that beyond that surface filled with smiles, is a very thick layer of depression.. you'd end up still crying at the end of each day..

i know i want to move on, but it's super hard! i still get homesick.. homesick meaning mtg and cinco.. whenever i see signs, read blogs, do whatever, everything still reminds me of them!

i want to stop myself from crying.. but i can't..

am i giving myself too much agony? i don't think so.. this is how i feel.. and if i hide it, i'd cry more when i rant about it again..

ate joy told me to try smiling through things,, for they will look up soon.. and i'll try to do just that.. hopefully, i won't end up crying myself to sleep anymore unlike what's happening right now..

i thank God for b.a (my ka-ym right now),, gab, macky, ate kyla and teacher ring for the text messages,, aika for listening to my incessant ranting and for the advice she gave,, and of course, ate joy, who keeps on being so optimistic despite all my woes..

thank you Lord for mttg.. thank you Lord for my family..

i miss them all so much..

i need light.. and i hope it shines on me soon..

twas the 2d day of school today.. yipee! 200++ days to go til summer vacation! grarr!! hmph..

nga pala, 2 paulinians (one batch lower than ours) transferred to mc.. like, how many times do i have to tell them that it's the worst decision they could ever make? argh..

saw nicky nga pala today! she borrowed my phone at lunch time.. she was supposed to get the side show c.d also but she said tomorrow na lang..

ayun,, i'm stuffed with h.w today.. and i love it!! NOT!

anyways,, last night was not that good.. first of all, i went to bed at 1am.. cuz i did all the homework needed for today..

and when i checked on my phone, inna sent me a message.. i've already been crying the whole day.. and when i got home yesterday, i tried my best to contain myself and i tried not to cry for that night.. but then as i was reading inna's message, all the hurt i've been containing suddenly broke free..

i cried for more than an hour.. and that wasn't just an ordinary outburst.. it felt terrible both physically and emotionally..

then i realized that i couldn't breathe anymore.. it took so long before i could breathe normally again.. but then, that wasn't enough for me, so i cried some more.. what could i do? i felt miserable eh..

i have to go.. better entries to come soon! i'm sorry..

oh my, why should it be so hard to say goodbye?

i cried again today.. during the banaag rehearsal.. but i didn't bother telling any banaager about it.. heck, i don't even know if they knew i was crying at that time cuz they were having their tdr..

i posted posters today with navs, anca and tin.. at 1st i thought anca was kat.. what the heck do i know?

then i got the books that i lacked.. the math and the bio book.. grarrrrr! then when i got to the rehearsal venue, the door was locked.. so i made na lang a phone call to pass the time..

kat and tin went out.. and we bonded.. shared woes and stuff.. ate joy's right.. i'm never alone..

inside naman, i didn't care who were there na.. i just took a chair and thought about stuff.. what those thoughts were about, you ask? simple.. it's mtg 04..

then i was getting teary-eyed already.. so i was trying my hardest to hold my tears back.. what the heck, nothing stopped me.. i cried pa rin.. ana mae asked if i was okay.. and the usual answer would be yes so i conformed with that belief.. but in truth, i was miserable..

oh! kanina pala at lunch, nicky borrowed my sideshow cd.. she'll burn a copy daw eh.. and i saw her a lot of times in the morning and at recess time and at lunch..

and i was surprised kanina! cuz it was clubtime na, and my club venue is in another building.. while i was walking, i heard a familiar voice! it was b.a! it cheered up my day.. b.a, dapat ganun na lang every friday!

galeng, i saw 2 freaks today! come look at us! hehe.. onga pala, pahabol to b.a, sorry i said hi lang.. next friday, kapag nandun ka ulet, usap tayo!

oh!! i called aika kanina, i was again, ranting about school, while i ws in school.. and the way i felt was similar to what macky did last monday in ice monster! he was like, "feel bad, feel bad, feel bad, feel bad," (eats) "mmmmmmmmm....."

only difference is, i still feel bad right now.. i know everyone tells me that things will look up soon.. but, how soon?

i was thinking kanina about the songs in sideshow.. the parts "why are you trying to kill my dream" and "dreaming that someday, some night, i will find love.. will i find love?" from "buddy kissed me" and then the whole "who will love me as i am" song.. then i thought.. being who i am now, who will love me as i am nga naman?

i want to be happy.. and the only way to achieve that is to stay with mtg..

i miss them a lot.. and i read ilsa's thing.. it was funny (cuz of the classic "patches in the jackets" thing..) and yet it made me cry more cuz well, it pains me so much to know that someone important to me is hurt..

this day is filled with mixed emotions.. happy cuz i saw nicky and b.a, then i got ate joy's email na, and then i talked to aika, and cuz it's pat's birthday in a couple of hours.. and sad cuz i miss mtg, i miss everyone in mtg, i miss rehearsing for sideshow.. i miss gab and michelle and sheena and macky and dianne and everyone in mtg.. i miss teacher kyla and teacher caisa (i come in peace!!).. i miss teacher rony, teacher lizzie, teacher dan, teacher ring, and of course, i miss teacher chari terribly! i miss shang, kfc, starbucks, rants, raves, BONDINGS!

to make the long story short, i miss you all..

that's gonna be the title of my show given the chance to voice out my woes on air! hehehe..

anyways, my sister and i spent a few hours with our dad.. i haven't seen him since new year, i think.. basta during the xmas vacation,, that was the last time i saw him.. i think he went to ilocos and stayed there for quite a while.. during the student inventory form nga in school, i asked my teacher about what to write in the father's information cuz i didn't know his work and where he works, i didn't know his ofc phone #, and since i couldn't bring out my phone in class, i didn't know his cel # as well, and i still am not aware of his home phone #.. kaya my teacher told me to write na lang "no information" which was really odd.. but what can i do? i didn't know anything eh..

then after that trip, i was supposed to go to gabby's party in libis.. basta i really wanted to meet the kid cuz i've heard a lot of stories.. she's the daughter of tita pat-p by the way.. wala lang.. cuz when tita pat-p had dinner with us, she was like "hay naku my daughter is soooooo taruray!! she wore purple the other day and was complaining, 'mommy, i look like ube cake..'" then we all laughed.. then i asked how old she's going to be.. and guess what! she's a 3-yr old kid!! hehehe.. ang witty! so kaaliw! ayun, going back, i wasn't able to go to the party cuz i had my hair done.. again..

my mom nga fought (what's new?!) with the gay guy at the salon..cuz the gay guy had nothing to do with the transaction but he kept on butting in.. like, eat your butt and stop butting in noh!! grarrrr! hehehe..

i was in the salon from 6pm til 10pm.. hehehe.. whoops!

then i went to eastwood with my sister.. and we ate dinner there.. then my sister had this body paint thing.. galing nga cuz the one who did the thing was the one who did the face painting in poj's party last year.. her face looked so familiar kasi so we asked her.. hehe,, cool! back then, she was doing "finding nemo" characters on our faces cuz twas the theme of the party..

speaking of that finding nemo party, i went on a half day that time eh.. cuz it was our field trip,, and it was in manila lang naman,, so i went home at 12noon.. in the excuse letter,, it said that i had an important family affair.. but it was poj's 7th birthday!! hehehe,, wala lang..

again, let's pretend i'm happy.. this is the subject of the entry,, and this is exactly what i'm doing!

kanina din, ate joy asked if i was online,, but i wasn't.. ayun,, we discussed issues.. and again, we shared woes.. and til now, we're waiting for a cast party to come up.. (HI MACKY!! CAST PARTY! MACKY! WE'RE MAKING PARINIG ALREADY!!) we want to see each other again, and finally, tell the full stories! i thirst for those stories na!! (HI AGAIN, MACKY!) wala lang.. and i figured,, since ate joy and i are forever o.p,, we'd end up talking din naman,, in the cast party.. (MACKY!!)

then wala lang.. i just want to say sorry to b.a.. sorry cuz u were so alive when you said hi to me.. and all i did was smile.. pero don't worry,, that smile lasted for quite a while.. sorry talaga!! i was so tired na eh.. and i know that the excuse of being tired isn't acceptable.. basta,, kapag nagkita tayo ulet, may that be in mc or in the cast party (MACKY!),, ayun..

today, my sentiments are pretty much the same..

"who will proudly stand beside me, who will love me as i am?"

hmph,, i'm a hopeless case..

tama na nga! stop it, pauline!

just think of mtg.. they proudly stand beside you.. they love you as you are.. and sure enough, you love them back..

again, tama na ang iyak! i'm the one telling mtg to stop crying na and just smile.. pero i still end up being depressed.. oh well,, sheena must be back in cotabato na now.. and to ilsa and b.a, go ahead.. i'd be glad to play a part in the "bring sheena back to manila foundation" or some title bearing the same idea..

pauline gaerlan must be schizophrenic.. forgive..

i miss you mtg!

i'm still up though it's 3am..

kinda bangag but i'm liking it..

let's just say, i'm in a bonding session..

and it lifts me up.. cuz we're both learning..

i'm loving this..

and it wouldn't be as enjoyable if not for you!!

i need to talk to God before i go to sleep..

i have to thank Him for this..

last night, i dunno wut time i slept.. then woke up kanina at 7:30am.. wala lang..

in case you were wondering, i was in the oddest bonding session with ate joy.. she had work and i had nothing to do.. so i guess that pretty much explains it..

we emailed at 12 midnight.. then she replied.. then i replied.. and that went on til like 4:00 or so.. and during all the emailing thing was going on, we were texting also..

kaso lang my mom caught me eh.. grarrr! i had to go to bed na tuloy.. hrmph.. i wish the comp in my room is back na..

then as i reached my room, ate joy and i texted nalang.. hee.. and ayun, i guess that it's been the weirdest bonding session i've ever experienced!

but i enjoyed it so much.. i had a great time.. actually, nung start, during the confessions part,, sobrang i was overly oh-my-gosh shocked! cuz... joke lang ate joy!

i also realized that, everything's clear now.. i'm beginning to understand the reasons behind every action,, every word..

kaso lang until now, i'm still in shock! hehehe..

ate joy,, thanks so so so much for last night.. i can't wait to see you again!! and like i said,, i promise not to tell!

ate binky! thanks so much for the tag! i miss you na!!

uhh,, ate joy! e-bonding again!! hehehe.. friday or saturday morning?!

nweiz,, let's proceed!

i was in my dad's place yesterday.. had lunch there.. i had shrimp and then i got allergies afterwards! i itched and scratched all over! and i went to school in a jacket despite the heat.. cuz well,, who'd want to look like a strawberry cake in school!? not me! nweiz,, lunch with my dad went fine naman.. my half-brother ain't anti-social anymore! (he's just 4 yrs old!)... he kept on playing with us pa! so kulit! twas fun!

then after lunch my sister and i went to our mom.. she was playing badminton.. and poj was getting pissed already cuz he wants to go na to t.j's house.. twas t.j's birthday eh.. wala lang.. grabe,, that kid's so kaaliw! he looks like his brother! (theyre just a year apart) anyways, we went to his place after a few mins with our mom.. then in their house, they were playing ps2 using a 60-inch t.v! hehe,, they were playing tmnt.. ayan tuloy, i miss playing with my ps2.. kc naman,, poj thinks it's his.. he plays with it all the time! haluuu?! i got it as a grad gift!

after the party naman, we went to ghills.. there was nyt market kc.. and well,, how the heck could i resist nyt market?! whoops!

we ate dinner at yellow cab and finished at like 10pm na yata.. kainis nga eh.. i wanted to go home early para i could sleep na! eh,, oh well.. that was kind of the reason why i didn't blog last nyt..

today naman,, we promoted the banaag play in diff classrooms.. i didn't know they pushed thru with promotions so i ended up joining a group of clubmates na lang..

then class was boring.. i didn't have fun.. doi!? who the heck would get all excited to be stuck in math class?!

after class,, banaag had a critic show.. that's why i left school at 7pm.. argh..

ayun,, the way home sucked! twas so traffic! and my sister's way of driving made me dizzy!

i got home at around 8pm.. then upon reaching home, i was like,, oh shit.. i miss mtg.. so i broke in tears.. like i do every night.. oh well.. how the heck will i not miss mtg?!

speaking of the great mtg, i suddenly remembered that 80's song in ate denise's car! basta twas after tdr.. then ate joy, ate denise and ate binky were there.. and ilsa, b.a and i were there.. (heck,, ilsa, b.a and i were the dakilang sabits of mtg!) then there's this song that went "ooooohhhh.. i wanna sex you up!" hahaha!! then they asked if we knew the song,, and we said no.. and they were like "what the?! i'm THAT old?!" hehehe.. kulit!

ayun,, that's pretty much all that's been going through my head.. plus, it's almost 11pm.. i want to get some rest din naman..

good night everyone! i miss you, mtg!

p.s: HOMEWORK SUCKS!!!!

so, i didn't get to blog yesterday.. why? cuz i reached home at around 9p.m (left school at like 6pm cuz of banaag.. then went to the salon again.. then we waited pa cuz ate phoebe had her eyebrows threaded..).. then when i got home, my sister had to do this researching thing for school.. she finished at around 11pm.. i slept at the couch while she was doing that thing.. then she woke me up to give me the signal that she was done..

nweiz,, what happened in school yesterday? banaag was promoting auditions.. and i learned that when you promote banaag, there shouldn't be a teacher around.. cuz one teacher was like "let's give them a hand!" and worse, one went "girls, what you saw was just acting.. in reality, these students are not harsh.. okay?" hayy,, the things explained to innocent freshmen..

here's a kwento! it was c.l class.. and it being the most boring class,, i decided to sleep my way through it.. and i ended up laughing my guts out! kc naman, our teacher was so weird!

case #1: "have you all read the story about the velvet rabbit by margery williams?" --- it's velveteen.. not velvet.. i know cuz i was in 4th grade when i did a book report on that! but i forgive you.. it's your 1st strike..

case #2: "like the skin horse! he felt real because he believed it! so you all should be real! like the one on the ROYAL TRU ORANGE commercial,, (with much conviction and enhanced character) 'magpakatotoo ka,sister!'" --- in case you haven't noticed, it's sprite.. dude, strike 2 na! tama na!! stoooooooooooooop!

case #3: "now, i have been discussing about being real, being true.. just like what i read in the excerpt from 'the velvet ribbon'" --- what the?! the rabbit turned into a ribbon? who's kidding who?

going back,,

haloo? waking up at 11pm after barely an hour of sleep to go online? yes, that's me! but then while i was replying to ate joy's email, i was half asleep already! so ate joy, if in case there are erroneous stuff in that email,, i'm so sorry! hehehe.. funny nga eh.. i was closing my eyes na,, nag-eemail parin! it's called talent! oh! and yahoo mail has 100mb storage na.. am i right or is this just a dream?

so after the email, it was 12-something na.. i felt sooo sleepy! that's why i didn't get to blog anymore! i suck!

then today naman.. hmmmm.. i went to school.. it was panget! hehe.. doi?

then i attended banaag.. i did f.o.h since i wasn't part of the play (their rehearsals and playshop rehearsals were sabay.. and i'd never ever ever leave playshop class cuz of banaag!)

i took jow home.. wala lang.. oh! and i saw a freak today! i saw nicky!

i didn't expect everything that transpired through tonight.. as i went online, i got to ym with b.a, cara, les, reggie, red, and tanya.. footloose reunion!? hehehe.. twas so nice! we planned a party! and with the stuff we said, twas like i saw them yesterday lang!

then after that, i also had ym sessions (separate) with macky, sheena, b.a, and ate joy..

footloose and sideshow share one thing.. oneness!

*yawn*

i'm so blessed to have had that opportunity to chat with them..

oh! and i'm so much of a geek! i actually did hw at home! this sucks! i know this is such a big change for me.. and it sure is funny! but,, sorry sheena.. sleeping late is the only thing i have! hehehe..fine fine, i'll adjust whenever!

sana i could meet up with all of sideshow's katipunan people! but given the chance for me to have a full-blast mtg reunion, i'd grab it agad! i miss sideshow!

today i've been singing the whole sideshow repertoire.. from you should be loved to the opening to the finale to the songs in between!! hindi na l.s.s ngayon! buong album na yung dala!

i am not thinking.. i am asleep.. and i erased all the weird stuff i wrote! kahiya eh!

my eyes are forcing themselves to close na! argh! till tomorrow!

hay, this is so not going my way!

today started stressful, duh?! i went to school and i was super sleepy!! maybe bcoz i've been sleeping at like 12 midnight the whole week.. i dunno lang if i'll do the same thing tonight.. but definitely not tomorrow!

1st period was hmmm.. i forgot! ah! computer! we did the whole autobiography thing.. my classmates couldn't get through half a page.. and by the end of the period, i filled two whole pages.. it made me feel like i write well.. but in reality, i suck..

then came english.. english is one of the few subjects i ace without studying.. i recite a lot in english cuz well,, i've been going through the same lessons over and over again since 7th grade! kainis nga eh.. walang campus journalism.. i want that subject.. paulinians,, buti pa kayo! oh! if you guys have any journalism requirements, i'd be glad to email you articles if i have time! email me lang or tag/comment here in my blog.. *cough* pat asuncion *cough*..

i remember doing pat's monologue and reaction paper.. also aika's reaction paper! hehehe.. i'm such a geek for self-expression!

ayun.. in english, i felt sleepy so i slept.. kapal ko noh?! i was in front! it wasn't because of the lesson.. i just felt drowsy.. i didn't drink anything naman last night..

at recess, it was super mega crowded (did i mention that my classroom's at the topmost floor,, farthest side?) and it was super hot! never have i seen a place that crowded before! *yellow 08 has 11 sections.. go figure..*

then came 2 periods of bio.. we had a diagnostic test.. but we haven't gone thru any of those topics.. kaya nga diagnostic test eh! but i was able to answer some items naman.. stocked knowledge from gr7.. but after the test, i felt drowsy again so i went to sleep.. when we passed our papers, i felt a really bad headache.. must be from all the thinking (thinking? i guessed in most questions!).. hay..

i spent lunch with 1-3 '04.. twas ok naman.. kaso lang,, we didn't actually bond.. we just hung out.. in our own 1-3 groups.. like last year..

as usual, math sucked.. i mean, who ain't sick of math?! i definitely am!

then came filipino.. boring.. nuff said..

after dismissal time i was rushing my way to the tanghalang sinag room.. we had a 4pm show in banaag.. it was super overly mega hot! think about it.. yesterday, 75 people watched.. we were already overwhelmed by that kind of crowd.. but today, 138 people watched! almost double! kawawa nga the others eh.. around 40-50 people weren't allowed to come in.. cuz well,, it was so full na.. pretty much like the mrt on a rainy rush hour.. oh well..

i'm finally home.. i'm not sure if i'm glad that it's thursday already.. wait.. okay, i'm not glad.. there's still school tomorrow..

drifting away from the school = stress topic.. i've been in the freaks' group a lot of times today.. and i do relate well with ilsa and sheena.. no one understands our humor! they all seem so lost! i once had a burst of hysteria in class and they all looked at me with blank faces.. ANG CORNY!!!! grarrr! turns out that they're the ones freaking us out now!

oh! during lunch today, i got laryngitis.. i felt a bummed out throat and well, my throat hurts so much.. i've been coughing for a couple of hours now.. grarrr.. i hate having laryngitis.. it sucks.. and i don't want to get sick! why? cuz the sideshow cast party is pushing through and i don't want to be absent in that event! i need mtg!

i still miss mtg.. 03 and 04.. i can't seem to get over mtg even if it's been quite a while now!

i want to be happy again!

let's begin with a light story.. my c.l teacher is sir valenton.. and well, with that in mind, consider me a victim! hehe,, heck, we sing during opening prayers,, then sometimes we use a bible.. then after some discussions would be sharing life experiences and stuff.. pretty much like having a recollection 3x a week! nweiz,, kanina,, he was like "you know what, the other week, i celebrated twice with my family.. we watched 'the day after tomorrow' and then we watched 'HARRY THE POTTER!'.. we were like,, wtf? anu daw?!

hay nako.. strike 4 na yan!

onga pala, happy birthday, sir pino!

nweiz,,

i have a fever.. and it sucks.. and i suck!

i went to school today with a sore throat.. then during homeroom,, i went to the clinic.. i felt dizzy on the way there.. then in the clinic, the physician gave me a lozenge and paracetamol.. ass! i wanted to miss asian history and math!

i didn't get any better at math time.. in fact, cuz of the nauseating seatwork, i felt even worse! algebra spelled either forwards or backwards is,, "oh no! it's hurting again!"

then at recess, i went to the clinic again.. and you guessed it! an antihistamine was given to me! grarrrr! wtf?! i felt so drowsy! and i failed a bio quiz because of that.. and had 3 mistakes in the english seatwork! i'm so stupid! english na nga lang, may mistakes pa ko?! kasi naman eh, why didn't she even check my temp while i was in the clinic? or let me at least rest for an hour or two if not send me home?

but i figured that if i went home, SCRiPTED would only have gaye as f.o.h.. and well, being the friggin martyr i am,, i accepted nalang that i had to stay and do my job..

at first i asked my sister to pick me up at 7pm.. cuz well, i had this feeling that SCRiPTED would end at that time.. but then in the afternoon i felt so miserable already that i asked my sister to pick me up at 5pm instead, which was after the open-house of the 2d show..

onga pala, i saw steph and vince and gio kanina.. they were seated (standing na nga eh!) at the very back.. heck, we had 120 people in the room kanina! wawa naman,, they looked all exhausted..

then b.a told me he was going to mc daw to pick up vince.. we were supposed to meet, kaso lang, he left na din eh.. and he might get contaminated with the virus i have if ever..

so here i am now, in the living room, blogging, blogging, blogging.. with a tissue roll in one hand.. kanina twas for colds.. now it's for nosebleed..

ang dami pang homework! i guess math, bio and c.l would have to wait!!

oh! alexa's back na in whacked! (the nickelodeon show).. kaso lang she's leaving na.. i'll miss you, alexa! party muna before you go!

my head hurts! and my eyes are filed with tears.. i'm not crying.. it's cuz i'm sick.. and it happens to everyone!

have to go now.. i might be online at midnight though.. i long for e-bonding!!

i visited gab's blog kanina.. and all the sideshow memories went back.. whoops! gab! you're the one naman who made me cry today! quits na tayo!

i miss sideshow.. then kfc invasions, starbucks invasions, NEW YORK LEMONADE,, murderer,, i miss the games we played, the tears we shed, the stories we told, the improvs, the poses, the freaks..

like what binky said, "thank you, Lord, for the gift of friendship." we weren't just a class of theater enthusiasts.. we're friends.. we're bound by this certain force that no one and nothing could ever erase..

thank you Lord, for mtg.. for with them, i could have fun..

why should it be so hard to say goodbye
farewell, don't forget us
do tell how you met us
don't dwell on sorrow as you go
you will farewell..

i've been reading the posts again in the yahoo groups regarding the freak party.. and i'm happy with what i realized.. we're all so excited to see one another again! i guess that's just how close we all are..

i remember the tears we shed as we prayed before the show,, how we kicked ass, and how we cried after the show..

thank you Lord, for mtg.. for with them, i could shed my tears..

take wing, fly to glory
dance, sing, tell your story
you bring such joy to those you've known
take flight, take wing..

it's been just two weeks since we did sideshow,, but it seems like a mighty long time already!

i miss all the holy camotes and the patatasfritas moments.. sure, there were some sloppy rehearsals, but even those moments are worth reminiscing!

i also miss hitching with different people! macky on the way to music museum to watch il divino,, denise on the way to mega for the ice skating-turned-bonding session,, nicky on the way to shang from rehearsals at ate joy's place,, denise again from tdr in music museum to shang,, macky again from his place to san fran coffee in libis.. wow, now who's the forever sabit? hehehe..

thank you Lord, for mtg.. for with them, i have transpo!

but what i miss most is mtg itself.. all the things we do.. from the bonding sessions to the exercises.. from talking about whatevers to talking about the topic of all bonding sessions.. from releasing much happiness to releasing angst.. from being acquaintances to being true friends.. from being a class to being a team..

i feel i belong beside you..

thank you Lord, for mtg.. for with them, i am complete..

i stayed home today in the hopes of feeling better and for the fever to go away.. unfortunately, it's still here! and still, headaches visit form time to time, together with cough and colds..

anyways, during my stay at home, i became different.. i didn't eat dinner,, then i did my homework for like 2-3 hours.. hmmm.. me? doing homework on a saturday night! i see progress in you, pauline.. either that, or you're just sick today..

i was offline from 8pm till 12 midnight.. no one's home pa naman eh.. the maids lang.. pero when my mom reaches home,, oh no! i gotta log off na!

on with the show..

i've been pretty much reflective about things lately.. maybe because i'm alone.. yes, being alone means a lot of thinking.. and i, being the drama queen of the century,, couldn't help but think of mtg.. still!

it's been two weeks of struggling.. two weeks with school, two weeks without mtg's company.. sure, i saw b.a the other week and nicky almost everyday.. but then, 27 people are missing! and besides, the sight of nicky and b.a would mean tears welling up in my eyes.. hay,, mtg.. i need you..

what the heck.. my previous blog entry was also about mtg! but i don't care.. i miss them eh..

okay, my mom's here na! dont care! i told her i'm okay already (a little white lie won't hurt!)..

oh no.. tears are beginning to fill my eyes! must stop this! or else i'd look silly for crying in front of the comp..

i can't wait til the cast party already.. but then, after the cast party, it would mean a long time before i see them again.. weeks? months? years? i hope not.. 2 weeks made me feel miserable already.. what more in the months to come?

as i fixed my stuff today.. i read the sideshow playbill.. and as i viewed each write up and each picture, i recalled millions of memories.. i've never felt this depressed..

i long for the 30 faces i encountered.. i long for laughter,, i long for hyperactivity (whether or not it's a result from extra joss or red bull!),, i long for madness, i long for bonding sessions, i long for new lessons to be learned,, i long for wearing different costumes after half an hour.. i long for the call times which stretched from 9am to 6pm.. i long for the angst we all would feel once in a while,, i long for the times when they'd cheer me up with just a simple phrase or two.. i long for working pieces of advice,, i long for feeling the gift of friendship working on me and through me.. no one else could do that..

again, i think to myself.. everything was so complete in those two months.. i felt a family being created.. and then when everything was going so well, it all had to stop! why on earth is it happening?

save me!

hay,, when depression strikes,, it never stops!

oh! today was so-so.. i shouldn't have gone to school to completely recover from the fever i had in the weekend (nice.. of all the times i could get one of those!).. but i went to school cuz it was the banaag auditions..

there were a bit more than 10 people lang who had guts.. kawawa naman the others,, fear took over them.. ang assumption namin as to why our batch isn't joining banaag,, is cuz of fear.. fear of being tortured.. eh hindi naman torture yung auditions eh.. hay, whatever! go ahead and make excuses!

like what b.a's shirt says,, "WINNERS MAKE LOSERS.. LOSERS MAKE EXCUSES!!"

hayop!

anyways,, enough of the rants now..

i got new shoes today! my mom bought eh.. oh! and i got a new bag too! why kaya?

i bought pala a journal last night! the one like we gave macky.. wla lang.. an alternative for blogging? i guess not.. more like, an alternative for blogging! hehehe,,, oh my,, here i go again!

whoops! something just came up! teki asked me if i understand algebra.. now now my dear,, talking about school when i'm at home enrages my soul.. kaya well,, my mind's at a blank.. i want to rid the school stuff from my head.. wala lang..

hay, i'm thankful for a lot of stuff today.. sana bukas ulet!

i miss the freaks.. oh! pinayagan ako sa cast party! pero tuloy pa rin ang pa-good shot para sure!!

anyways, to those who signed up and got application forms for banaag but didn't audition, hay nako,, holy camote.. it's your loss, not ours.. it's better to have tried out and failed than not to have tried out at all!

"winners make losers.. losers make excuses.."

kung tinamaan ka, paki ko?

nkktamad mag-blog today..

came home from banaag auditions day 2.. and i must say,, it's fun to be a judge! i just loooove shouting!

patatasfritas,, i'm sick again.. but i'll do everything to be well enough for the freakparty!

i got no thoughts in my head except for:
biology research thing (pat lim,, let's fix everything on thursday..)
asian history research (groupmates, when is this reporting thing?)
filipino h.w.. (clasm8s, is there fil tmrw?!)

i'm actually thinking of school stuff!

hurl!

last night, when i was "dead," i remembered what i saw on t.v last monday night.. there was this schizophrenic guy who has 23 different personalities.. wala lang.. he looked so creepy! one moment he's a super matino guy,, then he changes into a bastard,, then he changes again into someone else.. *music* come look at the freaks!

nothing much happened yesterday.. evident in my previous entry.. but i did stay online for just half an hour at the most.. that's beyond eccentric for me!

hay,, i'm doing biology homework and research,, and social research,, and math homework tonight.. this feels so bad!

but come to think of it,, i'm blogging at the moment.. hah, i'll do all those crap when i finish blogging! talk about priorities!

oh! we have new banaag members na! i welcome all of you! though i feel so bad for having left early! i didn't get to hug you guys!

and to those who didn't make it, try harder next time.. prove that you can do it.. if you really want it,, you'd find ways to improve yourselves over the year..

but to those who backed out or those who wanted to audition but didn't audition at all, the problem's not with us.. fix yourselves!

oh! today was a holy camote meets patatasfritas day! t.h.e was downright boring (i slept again),, then english was so-so.. i and 4 of my classmates presented something in class.. though personally,, i hated it for some reason.. math? let's just say math sucks the energy out of me every single day.. filipino was so-so too.. i fell asleep sometime within the period..

i heard that there's gonna be a section ii-9.. hmmm... then around 5 people would be taken out of each class.. when it was announced this morning,, everyone was in shock.. some classmates of mine even shed tears.. hehehe.. hay nako,, been there, done that!

yipee!! the freakparty's pushing through! i'm so excited! kaso lang,, i still have a slight fever and ate joy has sore eyes daw.. holy camote at its best! but we'd do anything and everything to feel good enough to see the freaks! right? kaso lang,, it was drizzling kanina,, and i got a bit wet! hala!

i can't wait to come look at the freaks again!

to ate joy and b.a,, oh ayan! i got na a different music of the moment ah!

just when my day's not going on so well,, things would turn up for me!

wala lang,, i was touched at how ms rigor texted me tonight.. she was like telling me that she had a problem and all,, so i was all "oh shit you wana talk about it or something? call me up if you want to talk.."

then since i was getting impatient (hello? when was i ever patient?),, i called her up and talked using my cel..

then she was like "wala lang,, kc,, alam ko naman n ikaw lang mkkusap ko kpg alone ako.." and stuff like "hearing your voice really lit me up today".. believe me,, it's one of the best feelings ever!

i'm so lighting up na din just like grandmama!! and i must say,, thanks so so so so much for pulling that trick on me! i surely fell for that one.. and i'd fall for it everytime!

the cinco spirit lives on.. if not for everyone, at least the two of us know that it still exists..

moving on,, i just finished a ym session with ate joy.. again, i learned quite a lot! our topics were our current conditions (my flu and her sore eyes) and getting well for the freakparty.. then some rants and raves about today's happenings,, sentiments, etc.. wala lang.. another twist,, perfect for my day..

thank you, God! thanks for those two conversations.. i loved them both!

okay, so today was so-so.. just like any other ordinary day.. but of course, it has its own perks which makes it different from all the other days..

i woke up quite late.. it was 5:20 already! and my brother woke me up! hehehe.. i forgot to turn on the alarm!

then i went to school.. before the bell rang,, i slept in the caf.. my friends grabbed breakfast and i didn't want to have breakfast cuz i never took breakfast since i was a kid.. hehehe.. you didn't have to know that.. but now you know..

then when the bell rang, i woke up and headed to my classroom (ii-6) which was at the farthest end of the building.. literally! as in, go to the hs building,, then a staircase,, then 1st floor hallways.. go to the farthest staircase,, and on to the topmost floor.. yes, people! that's how far my classroom is! maybe God told me to lose weight already!

hmm.. 1st period was computer.. kainis,, the comp's kinda okay already but they don't have an internet connection yet! i mean, that sucks big time! it's like doing homework without a pen! panget! i finished the activity early again and managed to get around 10 minutes of sleep.. (i actually deliberately finish early to be able to sleep! hehehe..)

then came math.. as usual,, no matter how lively the teacher would get,, math would forever be equal to BOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we had this trio seatwork.. but before the seatwork, i was writing poems through the discussion.. what can i do? math simply sucks!

recess.. so-so..

then 2 periods of bio.. lab work.. hayyy.. the microscope thingie.. i worked the whole thing while they wrote the data.. kaya i got the easiest task for the lab report.. quits lang! we finished the bio lab activity during the 1st period.. in the 2d period,, we were all making kwento nalang in the bio lab.. the teacher didn't mind.. buti nalang! then we got dismissed 10 mins ahead..

we had a class lunch today.. cuz there's gonna be a new section daw.. we're too crowded daw kasi eh.. we all hate the idea.. but what the heck.. parent daw yung nag-complain.. complain sha jan, eh hindi naman sha yung nag-aaral? hehehe.. ang labo nya! nweiz,, at class lunch, we were all so rowdy and stuff.. but i didn't get to clown around cuz i had a really bad headache going on the whole day.. it's even here til now! holy camote..

english was so kulet as usual.. ms vem made kwento.. lots of kwento.. cuz we were discussing this poem called "barbie doll" and how people tend to "overdiet?" to boost their self-esteem.. then came the topic on how quiet women get husbands first,, while the loud people struggle for a lovelife.. and i thought hard.. and whoever gets affected by this thing, i feel ur hurt.. i'm going through the same thing.. though i've been less talkative now.. i guess.. then we talked about anorexics,, supermodels,, the well-endowed (my classmates kept on looking at me during this part.. holy camote!),, and other girly stuff you'd think of during teenage years.. wala lang.. for once, class made sense..

filipino was the last period.. and well,, when i slept, it wasn't done deliberately! i just felt so sleepy during fil! i dunno the reason why.. hehehe.. so i closed my eyes and had a dream..

banaag meeting today was for the new members.. orientation then afterwards they made kwento about their auditions.. i know na some of them! joey, joyen, nicki, abby, bello (i dunno her 1st name!),, peng (chic's sister),, then i forgot na the other two! i'm so sorry! hehehe.. wala lang..

i reached home at 5pm.. and i felt so odd that i came home with the sun still up!

and now, my head still hurts,, i've been coughing incessantly,, my cold hasn't left yet.. that's why i've been drinking a lot of stuff! i have to be great by tomorrow night! i've been sick for a week now! and i don't want to miss the freakparty! never never never never never! my mom allowed me na eh!

ciao,, i'm doing bio lab report, bio paper, c.l reflection paper, social studies research.. dunno yet if i'd get to sleep tonight.. but hopefully, i will..

hay! i'm nosebleeding again! better not show this to my mom or else she'd take back my permission to attend the freakparty!

why on earth am i nosebleeding again? well,, at least not na everyday like what happened the other week..

pero it's impossible naman that i'm nervous (like what happens when there's a show..) cuz there's nothing to be nervous about..

the heat? hmmm.. probably not.. the ever-changing weather? could be..

patatasfritas.. this sucks!

today was so-so again.. hayy,, we had a show in club (thanks for watching, teki!).. we extended cuz there was a time that the place was too full already..

ii-6 (my section) cried the whole day today.. cuz of the resectioning (forming ii-9).. kasi we were in protest.. especially jinky! holy camote! she was telling my teacher,, "what? they accepted 11 sections worth of 1st yr students cuz they wanted the money! heck, they're doing everything for money! whatever happened to good education?" and so on.. hehehe.. the class size was too big daw kasi for a private school.. we were 46 kasi.. no one's gonna learn daw..

hello? in gr4,, we were 48 in class! but still,, a good number of us achieved so much! academic and deportment awardees,, club awardees, all that you could think of! we had a barx pa nga then eh! hayy,,, the gr4 memories! funny, funny! ryt, rix,, mandee,, and the rest? hehehe..

gr5 din,, v-4 had 50 students more or less.. pero sobrang they were so bonded and everyone was so galing!

wala lang.. then of course, being thirsty for intelligible debates, i debated.. fun eh..

then an assembly was held after recess time.. twas supposed to be on monday eh.. but they held it earlier cuz they were alarmed at how we reacted.. ayun.. then during the assembly,, they gave way to around 5 questions lang.. pano,, their intro was so long! they took the whole 40 minutes and the real thing took up 20 minutes..

then nung "forum" na,, we were asking questions na and stuff,, again, being the debater i am (though i choose to stay in banaag.. forensics is not for me..),, i spoke to the principal (who by the way, has eyebrows that stretch to an average person's scalp! taas eh..) and ayun,, my questions weren't answered.. heck, they do not have enough intelligence..

i love reasoning out.. wala lang.. i remember in 7th grade,, we made our teacher cry by expressing our opinions.. twas funny! wawa naman c sir (though i'd never think of him as kaawa-awa..).. and well,, let's just say that the P's of cinco (patti, precious, pauline, pam, patricia) kept on beating him in debates.. one comment at a time..

nweiz,, after class,, banaag show na.. it ended at 5.. eh my sister said she was gonna be late.. so i went with bannag to mcdo katips (you know, the mcdo filled with knollers and ateneans every afternoon.. ur not a knoller/atenean if u never hung out in there..).. we reached mcdo at 5:30.. we chatted, splurged,, bonded.. banaag was having a great time! then came pic-taking! c bello kc eh! a lot left na din after an hour.. pero i, mia, jow, kat, and bea,, stayed there til 8p.m.. holy camote! my sister was so tagal! she was required kasi to attend the cheer rally of ateneo.. for her p.e class.. she finished at 8pm din,, then we left ateneo at 8:30..

my sister said she bonded with jay (bordon) today.. they met daw this morning by chance and it was all unplanned hehehe.. asteg! hey jay!

ayun,, i reached home at 9:30.. then i started multitasking (hi kuya macky!).. pero puro internet lang lahat.. i was simultaneously chatting in YM with monik, jeki and alex (conference).. then with other friends on separate windows,, while doing the class directory (meaning 46 diff pieces of information multiplied by 5,, being the name, cel #, home#, email add and yahoo i.d!) while reading other people's blogs while emailing and et surfing!

i'm half-asleep again.. getting slowly braindead..

i can't wait til tomorrow! must see freaks! i mean,, hello? haven't seen them for quite a long time now! hay,, school gets in the way.. and i hate it.. i want freaks!

oh! and kanina nga pala,, i was crying (guess why.. no.. not the re-sectioning,, duh..) then i learned that you shouldn't make crying a habit cuz then you would "lose sight of giving some emotions more value than others.." thanks so much for that, ate joy.. promise,, i'll control this nightly emotional breakdown that's been going on for a year.. thanks for the enlightenment!

nweiz,, i guess i have to go.. sleepy na koh! and it's just 11:30 p.m! this day's really tiring! chka i want to sleep na para when i wake up,, saturday na!

i slept for roughly 12 hours last night.. 10:31 (which is right after posting my last entry) until 10:46 this morning.. then i got a msg from ate joy,, and we texted and then she asked me to call her up,, so i did..

then i don't think she recognized my voice til i told her it was me! hehehe,, then she told me i was still bangag --- which was soooo true! ayun,, we talked for a while.. again,, the bonding session without involving physical contact.. hay,, the complications of life!

i didn't say much cuz i was still bangag,, while she did all the talking cuz she woke up at 4am and she was all perky and alive na! hehe,, i was half-dead pa then! morning eh! oh! girl,, i can't wait for your project to finish! hehehe.. tell me when it's done!

it's about to be 1pm na now.. i'm not so bangag anymore.. i'm lighting up already! picked my clothes (the random way totally kicked ass! found the perfect pair!) and i'm ready to go! hayy,, singing in the shower is the best part of taking a bath.. cuz diba the bathroom has great acoustics.. so no matter how horrible your voice is (in my case,, it's just too horrible!),, it sounds pretty well..

holy camote,, i'm still sleepy! but i'm awake na.. hehe.. what the heck am i saying?

still there's nothing good on t.v.. patatasfritas.. i'm deteriorating.. good thing there's internet..

i'm almost done wid h.w! social studies groupmates,, i found na what i'm supposed to find.. cram nln sa monday! hehehe..

if only the freakparty pushed through.. dami kasing club auditions today eh, diba ilsa?! hehehe.. hope you pass whatever club you like!

know what,, i need some spice in my life.. ang boring na kasi eh.. i don't get kilig moments,, i don't get excited,, i don't get surprised.. ang corny! i need to swallow a butterfly!

nweiz,, gotta scram! i'm being called by my journal! i have to write!

holy camote,, i slept for a good 12 hours again.. i had a weird dream though.. someone was gonna kill me daw.. hehehe.. wala lang..

hmmm.. the freakparty was cancelled.. so i stayed home the whole day and did the collage i was working on.. wala lang,, puro pix.. 2 pages sha,, kc ayokong i-fit in just one page yung mga pix.. dami eh.. and ayoko naman na wala akong makitang mukha pagprint ko nun!

again,, i'm bangaaaaag! hehehe,, wala lang..

nakausap ko c aika yesterday.. holy camote,, ang tagal n ndi nagpaparamdam ng kaluluwang yun!

sbe n nga ba bangaaaaag ako eh! nagtatagalog n malalim sa blog! hehehe..

yey! naabutan ko yung studio d ngayon! kaso lang miru's leaving na studio d! *tears* awww.. imma miss that lil blue cat (or whatever in holycamoteland he is)..

hay nako,, i'm still not normal! more than a week na toh! and i think madami akong nahawa! a lot of ppl are getting sick! i got sick last last thursday (june 17) and i haven't even completely recovered.. and now,, everyone is sniffling their lives away! holy camote!

sana there's no school on june 30! it's the inauguration of GMA.. hay nako,, good thing fpj didn't win.. or else,, i'd be saying goodbye to everyone in this country.. hehehe.. but still,, bro eddie should have won! hay, here i go with my politics-addicted brain again.. not now, pauline.. it's morning!

ayun,, i have nothing to say na.. why? cuz i'm bangaaaaag! and,, it's morning!

what the? text votes na pala ang sukatan ng talent sa sportsclub ng spcp! wala lang..

cuz some of my friends asked me to vote for them.. holy camote.. and i asked how it works..

what's up with that? if u get a lot of votes daw,, u don't need to participate in the tryouts.. ur gonna get in na daw..

malabo.. wla lang..

i just finished watching 50 first dates.. i watched it in the other laptop here at home.. wala lang.. i cried.. okay! i'm breaking down!

i'm not really into "stories of love and romance,, love created in song and in dance.." and well,, i consider myself a hopeless case.. after not having fallen in love for around 2 years now.. hello? 2 years? see? i'm officially hopeless!

i was in church today when i came to my senses and realized that,, oh my! red may have left already! red's the one who played "ren" in our version of "footloose.." and i find him an amazing actor.. he's leaving (or he left) cuz of this scholarship in musical theater,, which was offered to him.. red,, we miss you! hope you have a great time there in singapore! keep in touch!

this weekend was quite satisfying.. i learned a lot.. i learned not to make my life too complicated by trying on more than 4 different outfits each time i go out (except of course at rehearsals).. i learned not to be pasaway!.. i learned that what matters is heart-time and not real-time.. i learned that not talking to someone you love (yes, even if you're not in good terms) would make you insane.. i learned that being having drama in your life is important or else life would be just too boring.. i learned that you should save emotional breakdowns or else you wouldn't appreciate the things that REALLY matter.. and i learned a whole lot more than just those.. wow! i'm growing! thanks guys, for teaching me those!

i'm thankful for this week.. sure, the freakparty may have been cancelled due to some holy camotes brought about by life.. but hey! as i've learned,, unpredictability could make life more exciting!

i'm sad that the weekend's ending in a couple of hours.. and that means 8 hours more or less before i wake up and do my morning ("mourning" is a better term..) routine and get ready for school.. yes,, another 5 days filled with whathaveyou..

hay,, i remember the freaks again.. i think of them every single day.. everything i see or hear just turns my head upside-down.. i miss all of them so badly! i don't see the point of dealing with every second of my life without the freaks! i love them too much.. and yes,, as you can see, i can't seem to move on.. after almost a month of being in school!

speaking of dealing with emotions,, i just want to recommend kuya macky's blog.. his latest post is sooooo nice.. i learned a lot..

anyways,, i guess i have to shut my eyes and pretend that tomorrow would be a great day!

yeah right.. as if that would happen..

wala lang.. today's so-so.. typical monday.. grarrr.. i went to school with a sleepy head and i came home with a sleepy head as well..

my cough isn't going away.. another reason to get pissed.. holy camote.. i've been drinking medicine for almost 2 weeks now! i hate it! plus,, i came home with a headache.. i hate drinking medicine! makes me squirm..

to quote picoy,, "I NEED PARACETAMOL!!"

oh! there was a miracle today! i was dismissed at 3:20p.m!! cuz there was no banaag meeting.. but starting tomorrow til the next prod is done,, i'll be in school til 6pm pa rin.. but one "rest day" is fine, i guess.. sana exams na so that we won't have any club meetings! hehehe..

i feel so sleepy pa rin! i slept na nga in the car eh! and to think 11pm pa lang last night i was asleep already! this is sooo weird!

my mom picked me up today.. then we went to shakey's katips.. again,, another caf extension.. hehehe.. then i got home at 5:30 yata.. hayy,, after being dismissed at 3:20,, late pa rin ako nakauwi!

i'm braindead.. forgive..

i'm hoping that there'd be no school on wednesday.. cuz hello? it's a historical event naman eh! gma's gonna get inaugurated! why,, when erap was sworn ito office naman,, there was no school ah! it's so unfair! then gma's thinking of holding the inauguration in cebu pa? no nalang! here nalang in manila! lalaki pa gastos nya cuz of the airfare! chka,, para there's a bigger chance na there's no school!

hayy,, it hasn't been a month yet since school started,, and i want it to end na! katamad eh! i just want it to be summer nalang lagi so there's playshop with mtg lagi! right?

is this how writer's block feels? i guess not.. i'm just plain bangag..

night night!

b.a: kailangan ko nga..

ayan,, tapos na ko mag-dinner! ayoko sana mag-dinner eh,, kaso lang i had to eat para makainom ng mga kemikal na supposedly aayusin ang katawan kong sira!

in math kanina,, we were assigned this writing task.. write our imperfections daw.. so malamang,, i wrote about my body and my loveless life.. holy camote.. 2 years! 2 friggin years!

wala lang..

oh! i have to retract my statement in my other entry! b.a was the one who said "I NEED PARACETAMOL!" while picoy was the one who told about the hallucination of the big paracetamol.. to those who can't relate,, sorry kayo! it's an mtg 2003 thing..

this is weird.. 2 blog entries on a school night.. there must be a full moon today..

i'm still bangag,, but i'm waking up already..

oh my gosh! i haven't finished pala my offline journal entry! oh no! damned homework!

i'm currently in YM with b.a,, talking about how we sucked when we were kids cuz we were too shy to give commercials a go.. and now,, here we are,, todo kapal ng mukha,, when no one has interest anymore.. hehehe..

my sister and i are baliktad nga eh.. she did 22 commercials when she was a kid.. and now she's not into those stuff anymore.. she's even timid when it came to relating with people.. me naman,, i only did one friggin commercial when i was young,, and now i'm the one who's makapal.. hay, the holy camotes brought about by the game of life..

anyways,, this pahabol is not much of a pahabol anymore.. it's one friggin entry na..

ang corny, walang nagttag.. tapos isa lang yung nagcocomment.. hehehe,, ang lakas ko magparinig!

good night na nga! again, i'll pretend that it's gonna be a great day tomorrow!

again, the title has no bearing with whatever i'll post in here..

goodness! (ay! i remembered garapitz!) there's no homework today! that's a first.. well,, there's actually reading tasks but i don't read about lessons here at home.. i consider something as homework if you have to write something on a piece of paper.. kaya i consider it as no homework na din!

the banaag meeting today was cancelled.. cancelled in a sense that it's not official.. but i still attended cuz my sister was dismissed at 4:30,, and i had no choice even if i was dismissed at 2:50.. holy camote..

oh! there's a typhoon na daw which is getting stronger by the heartbeat.. wala lang.. no school tomorrow? well,, dapat naman talaga there's no school tomorrow eh.. damned inauguration.. gma should consider it a holiday! now i'm gonna look bad pa tuloy for wishing that the typhoon would be strong enough to suspend classes.. holy camote!

i got a perfect score in the bio quiz.. i think the quiz was yesterday,, but it was given back today.. wala lang.. having a perfect score in a bio quiz meant a gummy bear for me! but i didn't consume it --- hehehe,, go figure! hayy,, oh no,, i had na naman the mentality that i'd get through school without studying.. well,, i haven't really studied for the longest time.. heck,, i don't even read book reports! i just rely on discussions (but i sometimes sleep pa rin..).. i've been doing it since grade one.. when there are tests,, i depend on what's left in my brain.. i know it's not a great thing to do,, but i'm happy that i'm making it.. sige,, sa college,, magpapakatino na ko! aiee! maybe next school year na! hehehe..

to all the students out there,, don't you ever ever imitate me! hehe,, i suck!

ayun,, enough about school.. i hate that topic..

it took quite a while before i got home.. my sister picked me up at 5pm na.. she called me up to tell me she's there na.. eh di shempre i rushed to where the car was.. then she was playing something pa in her phone! holy camote..

hay,, my brother's so kulet! wala lang.. he's pretending that he's a stand-up comedian.. so weird! onga pala! his club in school is junior ACT.. grade 2 pa lang eh.. hehe,, kaya junior pa lang! but he plans to continue it daw.. hehehe,, galing ko talaga mag-influence! oh well!

nweiz,, last night,, i slept at 1am na.. i didn't stop coughing kasi eh.. bet i kept my sister awake for quite long! hehehe.. funny.. pero kainis kasi i still have cough!

kanina naman,, jow and i were talking about liposuction.. sabi namin,, when we grow up and get rich,, we'd have our fats sucked out of the arms,, the tummy,, and the thighs.. hehehe,, weird dream, huh? chka,, hello? by then,, hindi na liposuction yung quick way to a great figure!

forgive the absurd thoughts, people!

hay,, my brain is eating me alive na!!

ciao! happy dinnering! nytnyt!

i feel so down..

light story muna.. yesterday turned out bad.. real bad.. but then ate joy and b.a and i had an e-bonding session.. of course, my frown turned upside-down.. only a limited number of people could do that -- the freaks and the paulinians..

i miss pat,, inna,, aika,, janine,, jac,, teruel,, pam,, achay,, kiko,, anne,, mgal,, grandmama,, danica,, jerica,, all the cincoers of course.. then i miss all of the freaks.. i miss the footloose people.. i miss a lot of people.. oh well..

moving on,, i'm toast! it's the math long test tomorrow! then it's the bio practical test tomorrow! accompanied by a filipino quiz! information overload, anyone?

i don't plan to study naman eh.. whatever comes,, let it happen.. if i fail, i fail.. if i pass,, eh di good!

nako,, i think i failed in the last filipino quiz.. kasi naman,, essays? i mean,, fine,, i write essays.. but when i construct filipino sentences (especially the ones for school),, i simply suck! i do it horribly!

oh! in math kanina,, i was paired with tippy,, then we were kidding around lang.. especially when i rushed an answer for #9.d!! i was like "kunyari nalang yan yung solution! hehehe".. then when we were checking na,, ms rama asked the class for the answer there,, so we said our answer.. only the two of us spoke,, and we accompanied our answer with endless giggles.. hehehe,, we were right pala! ms rama was like, "very good!" then we were like,, "anu daw? hehehe.. what did she say?" which was again,, covered with laughs.. hehehe.. wala lang..

hay nako,, classes weren't suspended today.. well,, kelan naman ba kasi nag-suspend ang miriam? when u.p and ateneo are suspended,, miriam doesn't follow.. hello? mc imitates every move of ateneo! they imitate everything except the suspension of classes! ****! bulok! bano! SO GROOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSS!! i hate..

ayan,, more bad parts na.. banaag's coming up with a new play.. i like the concept.. yun lang.. i'm the stage manager.. do i like the job? definitely not.. kaso lang since jow didn't want it din (and they were all eyeing on the two of us,, ****) i took it na.. it's weird.. they said it had to be voluntary.. then they force.. i'm not welcoming the job with open arms.. i want to suck at it.. i plan to suck at it.. i don't want it naman kasi talaga eh.. ayan tuloy,, i've been cranky since that moment..

kawawa naman c aika.. i was on the phone with her (another 30-minute or so conversation using the cellphone..) and i was so cranky.. then she was making me cry.. ayun,, i was whining and stuff,, and i guess she didn't want to hear that.. pero it's partly her fault! she was making me inis cuz she won't have school til monday! (one of the billion reasons why i want to be a paulinian by name again.. now kasi,, it's by heart nalang..) ayun,, then i was ranting to her pa about the stage managing thing which i really hate.. plus i was complaining cuz we had school today.. ayun..

pero i liked tonie's hirits! hehehe,, she was telling aika,, "ang sama mo talaga! hindi ka na naawa! saan ba yang miriam? kawawa na nga sha eh! iniinis mo pa! saan ba yun? bundok ba yun? hay,, kawawa naman sha!" hehehe.. hay,, that 3rd grader is soooo adorable!

i thought i was gonna achieve my promise to myself.. i said kasi na i won't be cranky this week.. eh with all the patatasfritas happenings,, who wouldn't get all cranky and mataray? i practically bitched around since holy camote happened.. p.m.s? i guess not.. this is the typical pauline..

i'm sorry that all my recent entries talk about patatasfritas and holy camotes.. what can i do? i don't want to pretend to be happy!

this is one of the times when i need a bonding session with the freaks..

i might log off in a while.. i'll eat dinner at the other house.. i dunno what the occasion is,, pero ride on nalang..

life's filled with holy camote.. i'm fried..

i want to get out of this,, but i don't know how.. that's why tonight,, just like every night,, i shall break down and cry..

dream on, pauline.. classes will push through tomorrow,, and the day after that..

i came home from the dinner at the other house.. and i left the computer on,, and the internet connected..

i unloaded emotions today.. i cried for a while before i realized that i had to remain standing strong..

thanks, jow,, pat,, ate joy,, aika.. i love you all! thanks, really..

jow,, don't worry,, the banaag angst of ours shall unleash soon.. let's burst if we can't contain it any longer.. aie wait,, i gave out mine na.. pero indirectly..

pat,, thanks girl! thanks for understanding stuff.. it's up to you if you want to tell all or not.. whatever you think might work.. sorry cuz i was a total bitch kanina.. believe me,, it's not p.m.s..

ate joy,, thanks so so so so so much for all the advice.. i'll do what you told me to do.. i know it will work..

aika,, sorry for the incessant whining! you do the whining next time para quits lang! hehe,, kidding.. love you!

oh! and ilsa's message lit me up today too! wala lang.. i was touched.. i miss you so much na ilsa!!

and sheena too! thanks for the concern.. read nalang my email.. thanks.. don't worry.. your dream (i read your blog) ain't far from coming true! ask ilsa and b.a about it! hehehe.. i miss you!

i'm smiling now.. but the tears are still flowing.. well,, the freaks,, along with the people i mentioned above,, made me smile..

i guess tomorrow would mean another stressful day.. i hope i could still deal with it..

nga pala,, inna,, thanks for the message you just sent me.. it's weird how you always know what to say when in fact i haven't even told you anything yet!

i have to retire now.. my bed calls.. but i'll wait for the news pa din.. weather report.. hehehe.. shit,, i don't want to go to school tomorrow! damn depEd for the suspension revisions..